My husband has run off with my best pal – I've lost everything in one cruel blow… how do I begin rebuilding my life?
DEAR DEIDRE: JUST six months ago, I had what I thought was the perfect life – a loving husband, two children and a best friend I trusted with everything.
Now I've lost pretty much all of it in one cruel blow and I have to watch the two people I loved most, apart from my children, move on with each other.
I'm 41 and my husband is 43. We'd been married for 12 years and, although things hadn't been perfect, I truly believed we were solid.
My best friend — who I've known since we were teenagers — was like family. She came on holidays with us, babysat our kids and confided in me daily.
Then, out of nowhere, my husband sat me down and told me he was leaving me. No explanation, just that he wasn't happy. I was left completely blindsided.
Only weeks later did I find out the truth. He'd been having an affair with my best friend the entire time.
Now he's moved in with her and they're playing happy families while I'm left to process it all alone.
He thinks that because she knows our children well, they will be happy to spend time at their new 'home'.
But our children are so young, only nine and seven, and are very confused. I'm struggling to keep it together. I feel humiliated, betrayed and utterly heartbroken.
I can't understand how they could be so cruel. I would have done anything for either of them.
I try to act normal for the kids but inside I feel broken. I can't sleep, I barely eat and I don't know how to start moving forward.
I don't even know where to begin rebuilding my life.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a devastating betrayal and it's no wonder you're struggling to make sense of it.
When trust is broken so deeply by the two people closest to you, the pain can feel unbearable.
Allow yourself time to grieve the end of your marriage and the loss of a friendship you valued deeply.
Try to focus on what you can control – looking after yourself and your children – and slowly, over time, you will adjust and start to rebuild.
It is positive that you are trying to keep things stable for your children. Putting them first is absolutely the right thing to do.
I'm sending you my support pack, Moving On, to help you process what's happened and take steps towards reclaiming your life.
GRANDSON'S CHANGED… AND I BLAME COCAINE USE
DEAR DEIDRE: MY grandson is destroying his life with cocaine, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose him because of it.
He's only 24, smart and kind-hearted, but over the past year he's changed beyond recognition. He's lost weight, become secretive, fallen out with friends and family and he lies constantly.
I recently found out from his ex-girlfriend that he's using cocaine heavily and often, but when I gently confronted him, he completely denied it.
I'm his 69-year-old grandmother, and I raised him on and off when his parents struggled. We've always had a close bond, and it's heartbreaking to see him like this.
I know he needs help, but I don't know how to get through to him. How do you help someone who won't admit they have a problem before it's too late?
DEIDRE SAYS: Watching a loved one spiral into addiction is incredibly painful, especially when they refuse to accept help.
Your concern is completely valid – addiction thrives in secrecy and denial, and your grandson may not yet realise the impact it's having on his life.
Keep the lines of communication open. Let him know you're worried because you care, not because you're judging. Avoid confrontation but be consistent in your concern and support.
Reach out to Adfam (adfam.org.uk), who help families affected by drugs and alcohol. My support pack, Drug Worries?, will also help.
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING decided that she is done caring for my brother who has motor neurone disease, my sister-in-law now expects me and my husband to pick up the pieces.
I'm 64, my brother is 67, and of course I want to help. But my sister-in-law dropped this on me without warning, acting like it's a done deal.
She's been his primary carer since he was diagnosed a year ago, and I understand how exhausting it must be.
My husband and I help out, but we're not in a position to take full responsibility – physically or emotionally.
I feel torn between wanting to support my brother and feeling taken for granted. The guilt is eating away at me but so is the resentment.
How do I set boundaries and speak up without causing a family fallout – or leaving my brother feeling abandoned?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is understandable to feel overwhelmed when caregiving responsibilities suddenly shift without your input. Setting boundaries is essential – for your wellbeing and your brother's care.
Have an honest chat with your sister-in-law and husband about what you can realistically manage. Emphasise that you want to support your brother but need a sustainable plan that doesn't fall solely on you.
Consider involving a social worker, who can help arrange support. Citizens Advice (citizensadvice.org.uk) should be able to help you with the legalities.
THREATENED BY HER SEX HISTORY
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE developed 'the ick' for my girlfriend, and I hate myself for it.
I'm 27, she's 26 and we've been together for eight months.
Everything has been great – she's kind and funny, and we have amazing chemistry. But recently she told me something I can't stop thinking about.
She mentioned casually that she slept with one of her male friends a few years ago. They only hooked up once, it didn't go anywhere, and they've stayed friends ever since.
I didn't say anything at the time but now I feel weird about it. They still hang out regularly and message often. She swears there's nothing between them and I believe her, but something about it just makes my skin crawl.
I don't want to be controlling or insecure, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm second best or competing with someone she has known far longer.
I've been off with her lately and she's started to notice. I don't want to ruin a good thing over something that happened before me but it's really getting under my skin. How do I get over this?
DEIDRE SAYS: It's understandable that this revelation has unsettled you but remember she was honest, and their friendship has continued platonically.
That shows transparency, not deceit. Still, your feelings matter.
If the situation makes you uncomfortable, try to explore why. Is it insecurity, fear of comparison, or something else? Talk to her calmly and openly. Focus on how it made you feel, not what she did 'wrong'.
This is also a good time to discuss boundaries. Every couple has different lines around exes or past hook-ups, and it's OK to want clarity. Just be careful not to project suspicion where there's no sign of betrayal.
I'm sending you my support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, which will help you work through these feelings.
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