La Liga, where every team plays each other home and away. Unless they're in Miami

The Guardian

2 days ago

Spanish football is famed for nothing if not its integrity. Whether it's Franco using his influence to elevate Real Madrid, in general, but with particular regard to the Di Stéfano affair; the way the government facilitated the sale of Madrid's training ground for a gazillion euros; Barcelona conjuring then pulling their beloved levers; the way it treats the women's game, in general but with particular regard to the Luis Rubiales affair; racism more suited to a dissertation or police report than a tea-timely email; to say nothing of the Fuentes blood bags.
But even La Liga has always stayed true to one essential necessity: every team plays every other team twice, once at home and once away … until now, with this season's Villarreal v Barcelona match, the Yellow Submissives v Mes Que Un Cash Cow, scheduled for Miami. The various suits tried this one a few years ago only for US Soccer to block the move citing a Fifa statute forbidding games from being scheduled outside their home territory. But since then, Relevent Sports – a company that clearly loves the game and, by amazing but unrelated coincidence, recently signed a six-year deal to be Uefa's global marketing and sales partner for men's club competitions – and whose owner, by amazing but unrelated coincidence, also owns the Dolphins' Hard Rock Stadium – sued both official bodies to make more money for themselves. If you're still reading, the case eventually settled with the understanding that Fifa would revisit the legislation and, shonuff y'all, as of yesterday they've been invited to do so.
This is because Spanish football has had, for many years, el humpo with the Premier League, deeming its financial dominance unfair. This is, of course, hilarious – Real Madrid and Barcelona, its two richest institutions, have won 18 of the last 20 titles with its third-richest, Atlético, claiming the other two; Madrid have won five of the last 10 Bigger Cups; and Spanish clubs have paid eight of the 20 largest transfer fees of all time – but it is also a fact, mid-to-lower ranking Premier League clubs are able to outbid far more successful ones from across Europe. The problem, then, is not one of diagnosis but of treatment. To improve competitiveness and overall product, Spanish football might try to share TV revenue more evenly between clubs, helping make the chase for the title actually interesting; authorities could announce kick-off times more than 10 minutes before games, allowing more people to attend; take serious action against racism and sexism; stop clubs, the richest ones included, from living beyond their means; shrink the country so that away fans can travel and create atmosphere.
Instead, though, Villarreal and Barcelona are being sent to the USA USA USA where, presumably, fans will show just how much they love and care for the game by putting its needs above their own and boycotting such an egregious and competitive disgrace. Football is capable of many wondrous things, but what it cannot do is change the history and geography of the planet and, though it is possible for people from elsewhere to understand the vibe, history and tradition of eastern Spain's Castellón region – all power to them – clubs have names, names which represent a place. To take an example entirely at random, Villarreal are called Villarreal because they come from Villarreal, play in Villarreal and represent Villarreal; to significant extent, they are Villarreal. That's how it effin' well works. So, though it's brilliant to see this thing of ours traverse the world, mankind's only creation able to cross every border, without that locus, no quantity of pounds, euros or dollars can make it worth anything, or mean anything. It is not just about what is integrity, but what is integral.
To Manchester United I decided and said yes. I wanted to join Manchester United, to see Alex Ferguson … [but Dortmund] could not sell me, because they knew if I stayed they could earn more money, and that I could wait maybe one or two more years' – Robert Lewandowski on how he almost became a Red Devil in 2012, two years after a volcanic ash cloud scuppered a planned move to Blackburn Rovers.
Jimmy Floyd-Hasselbaink now being reduced to doing Strictly Come Dancing is quite depressing but seeing a big picture of him smiling is even more unsettling (he should always be stood by the corner flag grimacing after smacking a goal into the top corner against Arsenal). However, the pièce de résistance, is the quote attributed to him: 'I'm looking forward to tackling a fun challenge! Bring on a new type of footwork, with hopefully no own goals', which was clearly written by a PR intern who has no idea who Jimmy is and appears to have never even seen an actual game of football' – Noble Francis.
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