Asking Eric: Aging parents' anxiety causes a family rift
That said, every year that goes by, their anxiety reaches new heights.
It seems like a classic case of having very little to fill the void of what their careers once were. It makes it exhausting to spend more than a day or two at a time with them, as the ticks and ruminations start mounting and, eventually, corroding every interaction.
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Yahoo
2 hours ago
- Yahoo
My high-school senior moved in with my 77-year-old mom. The unconventional arrangement has benefited all of us.
When my son was a senior in high school, he chose to move in with my 77-year-old mom. He doesn't have to worry about paying rent in our expensive city, and he's gained independence. My mom likes having help with chores, and his moving out has been good for him and our relationship. When I got divorced, my two children and I moved back to the house I owned before I was married, which we'd kept as a rental property. At 800 square feet, the two-bedroom cottage is ideal for two people, but it's a tight squeeze for three. My 13-year-old son got the smaller bedroom, while my 9-year-old daughter and I shared the larger one. By the time my son was in high school and my daughter in middle school, they both desperately wanted their own space and more independence. However, we live in Denver, one of the most expensive cities in the US. Upgrading to a bigger home wasn't an option — and my son couldn't afford his car and rent for his own place on the income from his part-time lifeguarding job. So, he chose to move in with my 77-year-old mother during his senior year of high school. Now, he's got more independence without the burden of rent At my mom's house, my son has a spacious bedroom with a full bath in her finished basement, which includes a laundry, gym, and living room. By living with his grandmother, he's able to avoid paying rent (and save money) while still having the independence that comes with having his own space. When he moved in, my mom laid out clear rules and expectations of what he needed to help with around the house. So far, he's been making dinner for her a few nights a week and helping with cleaning and other items on her to-do list. It's been a great lesson in independence for him, and it's been nice for my mom to have extra help around the house. The move has also been beneficial to my relationship with my son. We set intentional boundaries that could bridge living at home and being 100% independent. He doesn't have to coordinate all of his plans with me anymore, but he's also responsible for knowing what needs to be done with his schoolwork and housework and making it happen. Now, he manages his schedule so he sees his friends plenty — and I'm no longer stressing about nagging him about homework and chores. My son has also matured in a way that's really surprised me After a couple of months of this living arrangement, a new confidence emerged in my son's personality and attitude. As he got closer to graduation, he hit his stride with finishing school, working, saving money, and managing his household responsibilities. Over several weeks, we were also able to have a lot of mature conversations about what he thought his future would look like. Through high school, my son was unsure about attending college — he'd simply say he didn't know what he'd major in and didn't want to take out loans for tuition. After a few months of his newfound independence, though, he was able to share his anxieties about college with me with more clarity and detail and less apathy. Ultimately, he's decided to attend an affordable local community college in the fall and transfer to a university next year. I'm pleasantly surprised by how he was able to make such an important, mature choice on his own. All in all, this unconventional living situation has been great Even though this living arrangement is unconventional, it's been a game changer for all of us. My son has gained so much independence. We've also improved our relationship, taking space as needed and coming together for meaningful conversations about his future. And, of course, it's been helpful for my mom on a practical level. Based on this experience, I'd encourage parents to think outside the box when it comes to living arrangements that an older teen might benefit from. My son has been thriving after having a taste of what it means to live on his own as an adult — and, at my house, my daughter is thrilled to finally have her own space to decorate. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
2 hours ago
- Yahoo
15 Ways To Say 'No' Without Actually Using The Word 'No'
Navigating the art of saying "no" without actually using the word can be a tricky skill to master. Whether it's at work, with friends, or at a family gathering, there are times when declining an offer or request is necessary but feels awkward. You want to remain polite and positive while still setting boundaries. Finding alternative ways to express your decision can help maintain relationships and keep situations from becoming uncomfortable. Here are 15 ways to say "no" without actually saying it, tailored for those moments when a straightforward refusal just doesn't fit. 1. I'm Not Able To Commit To That When you're overwhelmed with your current responsibilities, it can be challenging to take on more. Saying, "I'm not able to commit to that right now," shows that you're aware of your limits. It also signals that your time and energy are already fully allocated, which most people can respect. According to productivity expert Laura Stack, understanding and communicating your limits is crucial to maintaining balance and productivity. This phrase allows you to acknowledge the request without overburdening yourself. Using this approach can also open a dialogue about what you can manage. If the person is open to negotiation, they may offer alternatives or adjust their expectations. It sets a professional tone and shows you value your commitments. Often, people appreciate the honesty and clarity of knowing you won't overextend yourself. Remember, it's better to under-promise and over-deliver than the opposite. 2. Let Me Check My Schedule Sometimes you need a moment to gather your thoughts and assess your priorities before making a decision. Saying, "Let me check my schedule and get back to you," gives you that space. It buys you time and indicates that you're considering the request thoughtfully. People generally appreciate when you take their requests seriously, even if it leads to a refusal. This statement can also help diffuse any immediate pressure or expectation for an instant response. Once you've had time to consider, you can make a decision that aligns with your needs and priorities. It also allows you to decline more diplomatically if necessary. You're not just saying 'no' outright but showing that you've given it careful thought. When you follow up, you can offer a more structured response, whether it's a polite decline or a suggestion for another solution. This approach helps maintain positive relationships while asserting your boundaries. 3. I'm Honored, But I Can't Expressing gratitude while declining can soften the blow and keep things positive. Saying "I'm honored, but I can't accept" appreciates the offer without committing to it. This response is particularly effective in professional and personal scenarios where the offer may have been extended as a gesture of goodwill. According to psychology expert Dr. Susan Newman, gratitude can ease the discomfort of saying no and preserve the relationship. It's a way to acknowledge the other person's intention while staying true to your limitations. This method of refusal is also respectful and acknowledges the person's kindness or generosity. It can make them feel recognized and valued, even when the answer is not what they hoped for. This tactic works well because it taps into the social norm of reciprocating goodwill. You are showing that you appreciate being considered, which can strengthen your relationship, even if you have to decline this time. It's a balance of honesty and gratitude that can keep communication open. 4. I Have To Pass, I'm Afraid Expressing appreciation can help cushion your refusal, making it feel less blunt. Saying, "I appreciate the offer, but I have to pass," is straightforward yet considerate. This response is useful when you want to maintain positivity and show that you value the person's time and effort. It's an acknowledgment that you recognize the offer's value but are choosing to opt out. This straightforward phrase is suitable for a variety of contexts, from social to professional. This way of saying "no" helps in preserving the relationship. It makes the other party feel respected and appreciated despite your decision. Offering appreciation first sets a positive tone, which can help prevent any potential hard feelings. This method also subtly communicates that your decision is final, reducing any expectations for negotiation. It's a tactful way to decline without leaving room for misunderstanding. 5. Thank You For Thinking Of Me, But I Have To Decline Sometimes, a simple, direct approach works best while maintaining politeness. Saying, "I'll have to decline, but thank you for thinking of me," is clear and respectful. Gratitude expert Dr. Robert Emmons notes that expressing thanks, even in refusal, can enhance social bonds and promote goodwill. This phrase lets the other person know that their gesture was appreciated, even if it cannot be accepted. It's both a nod to the offer and a clear sign that you're declining. By acknowledging their consideration, you make the refusal less personal. This can prevent any negative feelings and maintain a healthy rapport. It's especially effective in personal situations where the person might feel closer to you or more emotionally invested. This expression respects their effort and intention, softening the impact of your decision. It's about balancing honesty with politeness to keep the relationship intact. 6. That Sounds Wonderful, But I'm Overbooked Sometimes the reality is that your schedule just doesn't have room for more. Saying, "That sounds wonderful, but I'm overbooked," acknowledges the appeal of the offer while setting a clear boundary. This response is ideal for when you genuinely wish you could participate but know it isn't feasible. It shows that you appreciate the suggestion and might consider it under different circumstances. This expression allows you to maintain positivity while being realistic about your limitations. Acknowledging the positive aspects of the offer can make your refusal feel less like a rejection. People often appreciate when others recognize the value of their invitation or request. This approach also leaves the door open for future opportunities when your schedule is more forgiving. It's a polite way to express that your commitment to your current responsibilities takes precedence. This balance of acknowledgment and boundary-setting can help you maintain your relationships while keeping your priorities in check. 7. I Wish I Could, But It's Not Possible Right Now Certain situations require you to be more definitive about your inability to participate. Saying, "I wish I could, but it's not possible right now," conveys a sense of regret, which can soften the refusal. It's a phrase that signals understanding and empathy for the request while being honest about your reality. A study by communication expert Deborah Tannen highlights the importance of empathy in maintaining effective interpersonal relationships. This approach can help preserve goodwill and leave the person feeling respected. This expression works well when you genuinely regret not being able to take part. It shows that you value the opportunity but have to acknowledge your current constraints. People often appreciate such honesty, especially when it is delivered with empathy. It also makes it clear that your decision is based on current circumstances rather than a lack of interest. This method helps keep the lines of communication open for future engagements. 8. I'm Not The Best Person For This There are times when the best way to decline is to acknowledge your limitations. Saying, "I'm not the best person for this task," is a professional way to indicate that you might not be the right fit. It's particularly useful in a work setting, where it's important to align tasks with capabilities. This statement also opens up the opportunity for the requester to find someone more suitable. It reflects self-awareness and a commitment to quality. This response can guide the requester toward a more effective solution. You're indirectly providing a service by steering them toward a better choice. It also helps you maintain a professional standard, showing that you prioritize effective outcomes over merely accepting tasks. By using this phrase, you communicate that you have a clear understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. It's a strategic way to maintain respect and effectiveness in the workplace. 9. I'd Love To, But I'm Swamped Sometimes being honest about your workload is the best approach. Saying, "I'd love to, but I'm already swamped," conveys both enthusiasm and reality. It shows that you have genuine interest but are aware of your current limitations. People often appreciate this kind of honesty because it's relatable and straightforward. It gives them a clear understanding of your situation without any ambiguity. This method is effective because it balances enthusiasm with honest constraint. It's a way to express regret while also being upfront about your priorities. The phrase also keeps future opportunities open, as it shows you're interested but simply cannot commit at the moment. It's a relatable way to decline that many people have experienced themselves. This approach maintains a positive connection while setting clear boundaries. 10. I'd Prefer To Sit This One Out Sometimes you just need to take a step back, and that's okay. Saying, "I'd prefer to sit this one out," is a gentle way to convey your decision to not participate. It's a straightforward expression that leaves little room for misunderstanding. This phrase is particularly useful in social or group settings where opting out might be seen as less personal. It communicates your preference without any negative connotations. This approach respects both your needs and the other person's intentions. It lets others see that your decision is not about them but about your own needs. This expression is direct yet kind, giving you the space you need without closing doors permanently. It's a tactful way to maintain a positive atmosphere while taking care of yourself. By using this method, you ensure that your decision is understood and respected. 11. Keep Me In Mind For Next Time Expressing interest in future opportunities can soften the blow of a current refusal. Saying, "I'll pass, but keep me in mind for next time," keeps the door open for future engagement. It shows that while you can't participate now, you value the opportunity and might be interested later. This phrase is a positive way to decline, especially when you genuinely hope to be involved in the future. It can help maintain a good relationship and show appreciation for being considered. This approach helps to keep the communication channels open. It tells the other party that your current circumstances are temporary and not a reflection of disinterest. People appreciate knowing that you value their offer and are likely to approach you again. This method sets a tone of future possibility, making your current decline feel less like a rejection. It's a way to build rapport while still being honest about your current situation. 12. I Can't Make It, But I Appreciate The Invitation Showing appreciation can make your refusal seem more personable and sincere. Saying, "I can't make it, but I appreciate the invitation," acknowledges the effort someone made to include you. This phrase is particularly effective for declining social gatherings or events. It maintains a positive tone and reassures the inviter that their gesture was appreciated. This method helps to maintain good relations and leave the door open for future invitations. This strategy demonstrates good manners and respect for the person extending the invitation. It makes the refusal less about the event and more about your circumstances. People usually understand that not every invitation can be accepted, and they value the acknowledgment of their effort. This approach can help strengthen the relationship by showing genuine appreciation. It's a polite way to assert your boundaries without causing any awkwardness. 13. Thanks For Thinking Of Me But Not Possible Gratitude can go a long way in softening a refusal. Saying, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I'll have to decline," is both respectful and final. This phrase is suitable for a variety of contexts, from professional to social. It conveys your appreciation for being considered, which can help maintain goodwill. People tend to respond positively when they feel their gesture is valued, even if the outcome isn't what they hoped for. This method is effective because it balances appreciation with honesty. It communicates that your decision to decline is not a reflection of the person or their offer. Respecting both your needs and the other person's intentions helps to preserve relationships. This approach also leaves little room for misunderstanding or further negotiation. It's a straightforward way to express your boundaries while showing gratitude. 14. I Don't Have The Bandwidth For That Sometimes, being straightforward about your capacity can be the clearest way to communicate. Saying, "I'm afraid I don't have the bandwidth for that," is a professional way to set boundaries on your time and energy. This phrase is effective in work settings where demands can exceed your capacity. It's a clear indication that you are already stretched thin and cannot take on more. This method respects both your limitations and the importance of the task at hand. This response works well because it's both honest and direct. People generally respect when you know your limits and communicate them clearly. It also shows that you're interested in maintaining the quality of your work and commitments. By being upfront about your bandwidth, you set realistic expectations and protect your time. This approach helps prevent burnout while keeping professional relationships intact. 15. Sorry, I've Got Too Much On With My Current Priorities Prioritizing is a crucial part of managing life's many demands. Saying, "My current priorities won't allow me to join in," is a respectful way to acknowledge your commitments. This phrase suggests that your decision is based on existing responsibilities rather than disinterest. It's a diplomatic way to decline while showing that you have a clear understanding of your priorities. This method shows maturity and responsibility, which most people can appreciate. This approach can also prompt understanding from others who have similar experiences. It reassures them that your decision is thoughtful and not personal. By framing your refusal in terms of priorities, you align your decision with a sense of purpose and focus. This way, you maintain respect and avoid any potential for misunderstanding. It's an effective way to decline while preserving relationships and focusing on what truly matters. Solve the daily Crossword
CNET
3 hours ago
- CNET
Save Up to $100 on Your Electric Bill by Unplugging These Devices
With summer temperatures breaking records all across the US, keeping your home comfortable is a pricey affair. Running the AC non-stop can lead to energy bills that blow your budget, but with heat domes squatting over wide regions of the country, you might not have a choice. A CNET survey found that almost 80% of US adults are anxious about energy costs and how to afford them. Finding places to save some money might seem impossible, but there is a simple trick that can be a major help. Unplug devices in your home when you're not actively using them. It turns out many of your home's electronics are quietly draining power -- even when they're turned off. These so-called "energy vampires" include TVs, printers, gaming consoles, coffee makers and even electric toothbrushes. And while each one might only use a little, together they can seriously drive up your bill. If you're ready to fight back against energy waste this summer, here's how to spot the worst offenders, and how to stop them from draining your wallet. To minimize the impact of energy vampires on your energy bills, experts recommend unplugging these devices when they're not being used. It may seem like a small step, but according to the US Department of Energy, this simple habit can save the average household up to $100 annually. Below, we'll answer how much money unplugging home appliances can actually save you and whether the energy savings are worth unplugging and replugging appliances each day. Plus, to maximize your energy savings, we have tips on how to lower your water bill, the best temperature to set your thermostat at to save money and the energy-efficient way to do laundry to cut utility costs. Can unplugging appliances actually save me money? It might seem counterintuitive to unplug your appliances. After all, they're off, so why would they be sucking up energy? The fact is, household appliances actually still use energy even when they are turned off but still plugged in, according to Whether the device is switched off or in standby mode, some of the worst offenders are: A device that may still use energy in the form of lights or other displays showing the device is off. Desktop computers that were put into sleep mode instead of being powered off. Chargers that still draw power even if the device is not connected. Media players that continually draw power, especially ones that still might scan for updates in the background. Phones with displays that show when not in active use, like cordless phones. New smart home appliances like refrigerators, washers and dryers that have always-on displays, internet connectivity and electronic controls. Reduce your standby power to save electricity and money Many people are shocked to realize how much standby power can add up. Standby power accounts for 5% to 10% of residential energy use, according to the Department of Energy. How much you save could depend on how many devices you use -- and your habits with them. For instance, an educational experiment from Colorado State University found that a combo radio/CD player/tape player used 4 watts continually, whether it was in use or not. Unplugging it when not in use would save 100 times as much power during the lifetime of the device. A study published by the Natural Resources Defense Council (PDF) found that reducing the load from always-on devices would save consumers a total of $8 billion annually and avoid using 64 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity per year. It also has environmental benefits, like preventing 44 million metric tons of carbon dioxide pollution. The NRDC estimated the cost of always-on devices at up to $165 per household per year on average. Pro savings tip! Buying a smart plug can help you conserve energy by controlling the power on virtually any device you plug in. This plug from Leviton is CNET's top pick. Details $34 at Amazon How can I optimize my standby power? The first step is, of course, to unplug anything that is not actively in use or not used often. Examples of devices that could easily be unplugged include TVs and set-top boxes in guest rooms. It's also generally easy to unplug media players when not in use, like a radio or CD player. When you take your device off its charger, it can help you get into the habit of unplugging that charger as well. You might also be surprised how many devices we have plugged in that we don't even use anymore. Examples could include old wireless phones, old media players or lamps that are more decorative than functional. Unplugging and replugging in everything can get tedious, especially if your outlets are in hard-to-reach places. If the outlet is inaccessible, it will be hard to keep up. Instead, you can also set up ways to make the process of cutting phantom load more automatic. You can plug devices into surge protectors. That way, one flick of a power switch button can turn off multiple devices. You can also get timers to plug devices into or smart plugs so that you can automate when the power is connected to a device. For instance, you might set the time for the TV's power so it is only connected during peak use times like evenings or weekends. Investing in a smart thermostat that can keep your room comfortable, while optimizing for power consumption is a good investment for long-term savings. Similarly, installing LED light bulbs is an excellent investment that uses far less energy compared to incandescent lightbulbs. While the initial outlay might seem high, the savings add up over the years. You can also look into getting Energy Star products. Many of these products are rated to have lower standby power use than products that are not rated by Energy Star. Find additional resources for saving electricity As power bills get higher and more erratic over time, it's more vital than ever to find ways to save on electric costs. For instance, in addition to unplugging the devices in the home, you can take a look at our guide about turning off lights when not in use. Another key way to affect your electric/heating bill for the better is to know the ideal temperature you should set for your home. You can also review our guide on quick tips for saving on your gas and electric bill, like turning down your water heater or changing your air filters. More money-saving tips
