Latest news with #grandparents
Telegraph
3 days ago
- Business
- Telegraph
‘Our son pocketed a £30k loan and cut us off from our grandchildren'
When James* and Alice's* first grandchild was born, they stepped in without hesitation to help with childcare. For the next decade, they would see their two grandchildren three or four times a week for trips to the beach or to the park and to babysit. Three years later, in 2005, his son decided to fulfil his dream of emigrating to Australia with his young family. 'We knew we would only have limited contact with the grandchildren when they were growing up and would miss them terribly, but their happiness and welfare was paramount,' says James. To help support their son, they agreed to loan him £30,000 for a house deposit. 'It was virtually all our life's cash savings,' he adds. A few months later, James fell seriously ill. While he was in hospital, their son informed them he had found a house and needed the money that day. Alice felt she had no choice but to leave her husband's bedside to transfer the funds. 'I could have died a few hours later. I was self-employed. We might not have got a full pension, might not have been able to sell the business, and poor Alice would have had no savings left as a widow,' James says. His son's marriage ended before they emigrated. After renting out the house he had purchased in Australia for six years he sold it for a profit. But he asked if he could hold on to the money to purchase a house in the UK with his new partner, with whom he had welcomed James and Alice's third grandchild. James and Alice agreed. When they asked for the money back, their son claimed it had been a gift all along. 'We know we never declared it as a gift,' they say. But with nothing in writing, the money was gone. 'We never saw the £30,000 again.' James and Alice felt used. 'The betrayal is beyond words.' Their already strained relationship with their son quickly deteriorated further. James and Alice's new daughter-in-law informed them that they had been substituted as grandparents by her parents. 'It was just all about her family,' they say. 'She just didn't want to integrate with our side of the family at all.' James and Alice's access to their grandchildren became increasingly restricted, until suddenly they were cut off altogether. 'Our grandchildren were used as a weapon' Money can tear families apart – from family loans to disputed inheritance – leaving grandparents locked out and grandchildren caught in the crossfire. Research by the social network Gransnet found that one in seven grandparents in the UK are estranged from their grandchildren, with an estimated two million grandparents denied contact. Over a third, 37pc, haven't seen their grandchildren in more than five years. The reasons vary from emotional abuse and personality clashes to mental health issues and family disputes. In the survey, 64pc blamed their child's partner for the problems. But time and again, money plays a part. In 2018, Nigel Huddleston, a Conservative MP, said in Parliament that 'when access to grandchildren is blocked, some grandparents call it a kind of living bereavement'. After two serious allegations of verbal abuse, James' and Alice's offers to pay for third-party mediation were rejected. For more than a year, they were denied all contact. 'The grandchildren were always used as a weapon,' they say. Left with no other option, they went to court. Grandparents have no automatic right to see their grandchildren. But Ministry of Justice figures show a 25pc rise in applications to court by grandparents since 2017. James and Alice were among the few success stories – if it can be called that. A contact order granted them access once every four weeks for 60 minutes. The process cost them around £5,000. 'I don't want the money. I just want to see my grandchildren' Rose has a similar story. When her son-in-law got into debt, she loaned him £60,000 without question. At the time, it didn't cross her mind to get anything in writing and, not wanting to worry her daughter with whom she had a turbulent relationship at the time, she decided not to tell her. Years later, her daughter rang her in tears with bailiffs at the door. Her husband hadn't paid any bills for six months. Rose paid off the debts and confessed to her daughter about the previous loan. When her son-in-law found out she had confessed about the loan, Rose was instantly cut off from seeing her grandchildren. Rose took the matter to court, spending £12,000 on legal fees. But she withdrew her case after learning she was distressing her granddaughter, which she now regrets. 'Somehow I signed away rights to see my grandchildren until they're 18,' she says. Rose is now 87. 'Whether I'll live that long, I don't know,' she says. 'But I just keep thinking I've got to live long enough to see my granddaughter.' She has also never seen the £60,000 loan again. 'I've said I don't want it now. I don't want the money. I just want to see my grandchildren.'
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
These 6 Habits Will Transform Your Relationship With Your Grandkids
The grandparent-grandchild relationship can be filled with deep love, joy and connection. But these strong bonds don't just happen by accident — they require nurturing just like any other relationship. The majority of Americans — 69% — say it's very important for grandparents and grandkids to have a close relationship, according to a recent YouGov survey. However, nearly a quarter of respondents reported that their grandparents have been not very or not at all influential in their lives. If your relationship with your grandkids isn't as close as you'd like it to be, read on. Below, therapists share some of the most significant things grandparents can do to fortify the bond with their grandkids. Don't fall into the trap of sitting back and waiting for your grandchild to come to the adult here (or at least the more senior one) which means you have both 'the opportunity and responsibility to reach out by taking initiative to be part of that grandchild's life,' said Dallas marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein. Show them you care by being proactive about building the relationship. 'That can look like attending the child's sports game, calling the grandchild when they come home from a trip or discussing shared movie and book interests,' Epstein said. 'Children want to feel like the adults in their life want to spend time with them. Grandparents have the powerful opportunity to show up as an adult that truly delights in their grandchild's life.' Taking time to get to know who your grandchild really is is one of the most impactful things you can do as their grandparent. It will help them 'feel heard, valued, and understood, creating a deep emotional connection between you,' said clinical geropsychologist Regina Koepp, founder of the Center for Mental Health & Aging. One way to start? Practice active listening. 'This means giving your grandchild your full attention, making eye contact and genuinely responding to what they're saying,' Koepp said. It's true that your grandkids are growing up in a world that's far different from the one you were raised in or even raised your children in, Epstein said. Approach these differences with a sense of curiosity and try to withhold judgment. 'The children's interests may seem strange, the trends may feel unfamiliar and the language hard to follow,' she said. 'Grandparents will build closeness with their grandchildren by showing up with curiosity rather than judgment.' That doesn't mean you need to be well-versed in every last detail of their favorite video game or able to rattle off the starting lineup of their favorite sports team. But being open-minded about their hobbies goes a long way. 'Children will pick up on being judged and create distance,' Epstein said. 'Those grandparents who can show some curiosity and engage their grandchild on their own terms will find that grandchild much more excited to spend time together.' Engaging in shared activities and experiences with your grandkids is a powerful way to strengthen the relationship, said Miami neuropsychologist Aldrich Chan told HuffPost. 'Whether it's playing games, going for walks, or pursuing common interests, these shared moments create lasting memories and provide opportunities for learning, laughter and connection,' he said. 'Engaging in activities that cater to the grandchild's age and interests shows that the grandparent values their time together and is invested in their happiness.' Plus, doing things your grandkid likes to do shows that you're not only willing to enter their world, but are interested in learning more about it, Koepp said. As a grandparent, you are a 'living link from the present to a family's past,' Koepp said. You can 'provide a sense of cultural heritage and familial history, connecting grandchildren with their ancestors and give them a sense of belonging and identity.' Sharing family stories — either your own or ones that have been passed down to you — with your grandkids can instill a sense of pride in them, teach them about their background and help them understand how they fit into this legacy, Koepp said. 'You can also do this by sharing and maintaining family traditions, whether for holidays, birthdays or meals on the weekend,' she said. 'Family traditions can provide grandchildren with cherished memories and a sense of belonging. These rituals, big or small, become a significant and comforting part of a child's life, creating lasting bonds and shared experiences that can be passed through the generations.' It's important to recognize and celebrate your grandchild's wins, no matter how big or small. It's a powerful way to show how proud and supportive you are, Chan said. 'Whether it's applauding academic accomplishments, sports achievements, artistic talents or personal growth, acknowledging and celebrating these moments can boost a grandchild's self-esteem and create cherished memories,' he said. You can also do this by attending recitals, games, shows and other events to show your support whenever possible. If you want a better relationship with your grandkids, don't forget to keep working on the relationship you have with your own kid (i.e. their parent). 'When grandparents and parents get along, family gatherings can occur more frequently, offering more opportunities for grandparents and grandchildren to bond,' Epstein said. 'Building a relationship with the parents also builds stronger multi-generational bonds that help families weather rough patches more effectively.' Your Mom May Feel Closer To Her Grandkids Than To You. Here's Why: Study Forget 'Grandma' And 'Grandpa' — These Are The Most Popular Names Kids Call Grandparents It's Not Just You: Making Friends After 60 Is Really Hard
The Sun
7 days ago
- Business
- The Sun
Thousands of grandparents are missing out on pension boost worth £6,600 – how to claim now
MORE than 100,000 grandparents have boosted their state pension just by looking after their grandchildren. But thousands of eligible grandparents could be missing out on nearly £6,600 in retirement if they do not claim the credits, experts warn. 1 Specified Adult Childcare credits are a type of National Insurance credit that can help you qualify for the full state pension. They can be claimed when a parent who receives child benefit is paying National Insurance and can work because another family member is looking after their child. The child must be aged under 12. This does not need to be full-time care and can include picking up a child from school or looking after them during the school holidays. Anyone with gaps in their National Insurance record can claim the credits to help them qualify for the full state pension. You need 35 years of National Insurance contributions to get the full new state pension, which is worth £230.25 a week. But only 104,433 people have successfully claimed the credits in the past five years, according to exclusive data from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) obtained by wealth manager Quilter. Just 42,962 people applied for the credits last year, even though 78% of applications are successful. Jon Greer, head of retirement policy at Quilter, said awareness of the credits 'remains far too low'. He added: 'Many eligible grandparents could be missing out on thousands of pounds simply because they don't realise they qualify or how to apply. How to track down lost pensions worth £1,000s 'We would welcome a renewed effort by the government to raise awareness of these credits, particularly among lower-income families and communities where gaps in NI records are more common.' Every year of transferred credit will boost your state pension by £330 a year. This could add nearly £6,600 to the value of your state pension over the course of a 20 year retirement. You can also backdate your claim to 2011, when the credits were introduced. What are the different types of pensions? WE round-up the main types of pension and how they differ: Personal pension or self-invested personal pension (SIPP) - This is probably the most flexible type of pension as you can choose your own provider and how much you invest. Workplace pension - The Government has made it compulsory for employers to automatically enrol you in your workplace pension unless you opt out. These so-called defined contribution (DC) pensions are usually chosen by your employer and you won't be able to change it. Minimum contributions are 8%, with employees paying 5% (1% in tax relief) and employers contributing 3%. Final salary pension - This is also a workplace pension but here, what you get in retirement is decided based on your salary, and you'll be paid a set amount each year upon retiring. It's often referred to as a gold-plated pension or a defined benefit (DB) pension. But they're not typically offered by employers anymore. New state pension - This is what the state pays to those who reach state pension age after April 6 2016. The maximum payout is £203.85 a week and you'll need 35 years of National Insurance contributions to get this. You also need at least ten years' worth to qualify for anything at all. Basic state pension - If you reach the state pension age on or before April 2016, you'll get the basic state pension. The full amount is £156.20 per week and you'll need 30 years of National Insurance contributions to get this. If you have the basic state pension you may also get a top-up from what's known as the additional or second state pension. Those who have built up National Insurance contributions under both the basic and new state pensions will get a combination of both schemes. Am I eligible? To qualify you must be an eligible family member, such as a grandparent, aunt, uncle or older sibling. You need to be below the state pension age, which is currently 66. There is no minimum number of hours you need to look after a child to qualify, so you should be able to claim even if you care for them just one day a week. Only one credit is available per claim, regardless of how many children you are looking after. For example, if you look after two of your grandchildren who live in the same household then you can only claim one credit. How do I claim? You need to wait until October 31 to apply for the current tax year. This is because HMRC needs to check that the parent or main carer already has a qualifying year of National Insurance. They should check their National Insurance record to make sure they have credits they can transfer. Parents and carers can check their National Insurance record on the website. Before you apply for the credits you will need the child's details and a record of the periods when you provided care for them. You will also need the contact details of the child's parent or main carer who receives the child benefit. Both you and the person who receives the child benefit must sign a declaration on the application form. You then need to complete the CA9176 form online. How does the state pension work? AT the moment the current state pension is paid to both men and women from age 66 - but it's due to rise to 67 by 2028 and 68 by 2046. The state pension is a recurring payment from the government most Brits start getting when they reach State Pension age. But not everyone gets the same amount, and you are awarded depending on your National Insurance record. For most pensioners, it forms only part of their retirement income, as they could have other pots from a workplace pension, earning and savings. The new state pension is based on people's National Insurance records. Workers must have 35 qualifying years of National Insurance to get the maximum amount of the new state pension. You earn National Insurance qualifying years through work, or by getting credits, for instance when you are looking after children and claiming child benefit. If you have gaps, you can top up your record by paying in voluntary National Insurance contributions. To get the old, full basic state pension, you will need 30 years of contributions or credits. You will need at least 10 years on your NI record to get any state pension. You cannot save your progress, so ensure you have all the information to hand before you get started. You will then need to print and send the form to HMRC using the postal address on the application. Once you have sent the form you can check when you should expect to receive a reply online. For more information visit How can I make sure my application is approved? Around 9,289 applications were rejected last year, according to official figures. Most applications are declined for one of two reasons. The first is that the person claiming already has a qualifying year of National Insurance, for example if they are working or receiving other credits. Or they could be receiving child benefit for the child themselves, so the National Insurance credits are applied automatically. Errors on the application can also cause it to be rejected. Double check your form for mistakes before you submit it to avoid being caught out. .
Daily Mail
27-05-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
I drowned for 30 minutes and suffered a near-death experience... I saw God and didn't want to return
Lisa Bliss was 10 when she fell into an icy river while playing by a river near her grandparents' cabin and remained unconscious for more than 30 minutes. But while her body lay lifeless, her spirit, she says, was journeying elsewhere. Instead of fear or confusion, the New Yorker describes an overwhelming sense of peace. A path appeared before her, lined with trees and blossoms in 'beautiful vibrant colors.' 'I was in this huge field of flowers and a meadow opened up before me,' she recalls. 'All of a sudden, everything blasted into this bright light everywhere.' 'Anytime I would walk by a flower, I would see these levels and layers of color to each petal of the flower,' she says. 'It was as if I could dive into the colors or dive into the flowers and all of me would just go right into it.' She wandered the field, drawn deeper by a sensation she describes as a 'magnetic pull' — something invisible but irresistible, tugging her forward along the path. 'I kept getting distracted by all the beautiful colors,' she says. 'And then I would pull myself back out and look around, and I started to feel this magnetic pull down through the path that split the meadow in half.' Talking to Utah-based psychologist and filmmaker, Wesly Lapioli, Ms Bliss can still recall the visions with perfect clarity decades on — as if the event happened yesterday. As she moved forward through the field, she saw something breathtaking: a pair of 'absolutely gorgeous' gates in the distance. Though only a child, Lisa instantly understood what she was seeing. 'As a kid, I thought: these must be the 'pearly gates'—the ones I'd heard my family talk about in church,' she says. Standing in front of the gates was a single figure. The gates were open, the figure still. 'I had to stop and I was so blown away,' she says. 'I just had to take a moment and then I noticed that there was a figure standing in front of the gates.' Though she couldn't see the figure's face clearly, Lisa says she felt an instant recognition. 'I knew who he was,' she says. 'But I couldn't get close enough to see his face clearly.' She now believes that the figure was God. The path was also lined with 'long lines of people dressed in white,' she recalls, but she couldn't make out their faces. She didn't speak to them. She didn't need to. Everything felt calm and silent. Desperate to reach the gates before they closed, she began 'running and running.' But just as she neared the threshold — she was pulled back. The colors, the peace, the presence — all of it vanished. Lisa woke to find herself lying on cold rocks beside the river. Her cousin had dragged her out and she had been resuscitated after being clinically lifeless for more than half an hour. 'I knew instantly I was back in my body and it felt horrible... absolutely horrible,' she says. 'My body felt like 10 times heavier than it was and it was the middle of the day on a bright sunny day and the light just seemed dim and dark. 'It was horrible feeling, the worst depression I have ever felt.' After being resuscitated, Bliss was taken back to her grandparents' cabin. They told her that she had been under the water 'for a good half hour.' The family suspect she didn't perish because the water was 'so freezing cold' it helped preserve her brain and she didn't suffer any brain damage. She slept for two to three days straight, running a fever and slipping in and out of consciousness. Studies have shown that humans exposed to cold temperatures for long periods of time can survive and show normal brain activity despite being apparently 'dead' to others. After her near death experience, Bliss remembers 'sleeping for two or three days without waking up' and running a fever. She says the sleep was 'so strange' and it felt like she was 'almost in a coma' as she doesn't remember anything from that period of time. When she was finally better, Bliss says her family never talked about her brush with death until almost two decades later. That course of events went on to change the course of her life and encouraged her to pursue a career as a therapist, helping others deal with death and 'what lies beyond'.
Yahoo
26-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Video: Baby Is ‘Living Her Best Life' With Her Two Grandmothers
There is nothing purer than the love between grandparents and their grandkids. However, when a child has the company of both grandmothers at the same time, be sure they will grow to be one happy kid in the future, thanks to the endless life lessons, wisdom, pampering, and extra love from the grannies. And this is what happens in the following video, where a baby dances along with her two grandmothers with no worry in the world. Don't you miss the good old days you spent with your grandparents, especially your grandmothers? We are sure almost everyone has had lovely memories of their childhood days with their grannies. From spending the day talking, roaming, and trading secrets with the favorite ladies, the kids sure do it all. Well, even this baby girl is making some core memories with her grandmas. In the video uploaded by @raisingresilie, a little girl is seen having her best time with both her grandmothers. In the adorable video, one grandma is feeding the girl, while the other granny is dancing to the beats along with the child to keep her entertained for easy feeding. The video speaks volumes about the love and affection between the grandmothers and the grandchild. In a way, the baby girl is 'Living her best life… Getting fed and dancing with both of her grandmothers.' No wonder the video has more than 1 million likes so far. Looking at the adorable bond, even the Instagram users could not keep calm, and instantly took over the comment section. One user left a hilarious comment, saying, 'She has a black and an Asian grandma….yeah she is never gonna forget her homework.' Meanwhile, others felt that due to her grandmas 'that baby gonna have rhythm, her hair done, and fire a– recipes from two different cultures.' Even other users went one step ahead and said due to 'Asian and black grandma, yeah she's going to be running the country!' Another individual was surprised by the bonding and said, 'BOTH grandmas??? AT THE SAME TIME? GETTING ALONG AND LOVING HER? A blessed baby indeed!!!!' Many even loved the grandmas for their efforts and for enthusiastically dancing with the baby girl, with one comment reading, 'Nothing like a grandmasssss party party!!' The post Video: Baby Is 'Living Her Best Life' With Her Two Grandmothers appeared first on Momtastic.
