Latest news with #grandparents
Yahoo
15 hours ago
- Yahoo
My family of 4 moved from a big city to a quiet mountain town. We love it here, but wish we lived closer to my kids' grandparents.
In 2017, my family moved to a small mountain town. It was a big change, and we love living there. However, relocating meant moving hours away from our kids' grandparents. We've had to get creative to stay connected. Almost eight years ago, in the fall of 2017, my wife and I packed up our lives and moved to Nelson, British Columbia. You've likely never heard of this hidden gem. It's a quirky, secluded mountain town nestled deep in the West Kootenays in central British Columbia. After years of living in big cities, we were craving something different. We wanted our kids (at the time, we had a 2-year-old and a newborn) to grow up with space to roam, clean air to breathe, and a strong sense of community. We dreamed of a slower pace, afternoon bike rides to the lake, and winters spent skiing instead of commuting. And in many ways, that dream came true. But what we didn't fully grasp was what we'd be giving up, which was the consistent presence of grandparents and the reliable network of support that only close family can provide. We underestimated the emotional weight of raising kids without our parents nearby and how much they would miss being part of our children's daily lives. The lifestyle trade-off felt worth it at first Moving to Nelson from a major city was a major lifestyle upgrade. The lake views are stunning, there are hiking trails minutes from our front door, and we have a tight-knit, creative community that rallies around its kids. Our children have the kind of freedom I was fortunate enough to have as a suburban kid, such as riding bikes to school, building forts in the woods, and learning to ski on weekends. Not to mention, we're more active, more present, and more connected to nature than we ever were in the city. We've cultivated a sense of spaciousness and calmness in our days that's hard to describe until you've lived it. However, the decision to move here wasn't made lightly. We considered the lengthy drive to see family, the lack of direct flights, and the fact that winter travel in the mountains can be perilous at the best of times. But we told ourselves we'd visit often. We assumed the bond between our kids and their grandparents would remain strong, even with the miles between us. The absence of family ran deeper than we expected Long-distance grandparenting is hard for everyone involved, including my partner and me. We miss the impromptu dinners, the free babysitting, the help when one of the kids is sick, and we both have pressing deadlines. But more than anything, we miss the presence of people who love our children as much as we do. That kind of love is irreplaceable. It's been especially hard to watch my parents age from a distance. With each visit, I feel the dull ache of time slipping by. I notice subtle changes, like slower movement and more forgetfulness. I think about all the ordinary moments our kids don't get to share with them: baking cookies, reading books, getting picked up from school "just because." My parents try. They video chat, they send cards in the mail, and they make the seven-hour drive a few times a year. But it's not the same as watching your grandkids grow up in real time. We've had to get creative to stay connected To help bridge the gap, we've established some rituals, like Saturday morning FaceTime calls, monthly mail swaps (our kids love sending their drawings), and using those digital photo frames that you can upload photos to from an app. Now that our kids are 8 and 10, we can meet our parents halfway between our homes and have them take the kids for a week or two without my partner and me being there. It's times like these that their bond truly flourishes. These rituals help. But some days, it doesn't feel like enough. I often wonder if we made the right decision moving far away. Did we choose adventure at the expense of closeness? Are we giving our kids a magical childhood, or robbing them of deeper relationships? Maybe the answer is both. What I do know is that we made this move out of love. We wanted to raise our kids in a place that reflects our values of community, nature, and togetherness. But I've learned that "togetherness" isn't just about where you live. It's about who you let in and how you find ways to show up for each other, no matter how far apart you live. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
a day ago
- General
- Yahoo
Millennial Parents Are Sharing The Things They Really, Really Wish Their Boomer Parents Understood
Millennials are the first generation of parents to have grown up in the digital era — and it shows. Today's parents have access to infinitely more information than their parents had, and they hold themselves to a different set of standards. Some boomers may mock today's touchy-feely gentle parenting, but these trends have grown out of insight into child development and the impact of childhood trauma. Many parents today believe that if you want to raise kind, respectful kids, you start by treating them with kindness and respect. A changed economic landscape means parents are also under more financial pressure. The cost of childcare continues to rise, with the average cost of a week of daycare going up 13% between 2022 and 2024. Families today are spending an average of 24% of their income on childcare — that's more than triple the 7% the Department of Health and Human Services considers affordable. This problem, along with parents working longer hours and spending more time caring for their children, makes it no surprise that parents' mental health is suffering. Back in August, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on parental mental health, citing 'an intensifying culture of comparison' among the stressors weighing on parents, causing them to report significantly higher rates of stress than adults without children. Today's parents are certainly looking for support wherever they can find it, online or within their own families. Oftentimes, grandparents want to be helpful but may struggle with all the ways parenting has changed since they raised their children. We asked millennial parents to tell us what they wish their parents understood. Here's what they had to say. Times have changed. Related: 'The world is a different place from when we were raised, so parenting has to be different. The mental load is crazy, and usually both parents need to work, so the 'traditional' family life most of us grew in is obsolete (for the majority). The comments of 'when you were young,' no matter how well-meaning, add to the parental guilt of not being available for your child 100% of the time as a mother or not being able to provide financially by yourself as a father, and it really hurts.' — Lesley Cox 'Millennials are navigating a different world when it comes to financial instability, work-life balance and social media pressures. It genuinely is harder being a parent now, especially when it comes to costs compared to back in the day, even accounting for inflation. Childcare expenses are astronomical and add to stress. Millennials wish their parents understood that raising kids today comes with different economic, social and cultural challenges and that comparison to the 'way things were' can feel invalidating.' — Dr. Mona Amin We expect an equal partnership. Related: 'A lot of boomer people, they're so amazed at our partners and how much they participate in child rearing. They're like, 'Oh my gosh, they're just the best dad!' And I have a great husband, and he is a great dad, but it's like, yeah, because he does the same things I do. I'm a great mom, too. But there's so many kudos toward men, which I just think is funny. Their generation, she's like, 'Your dad didn't change a single darn diaper.' Well, I would not have let that fly. That's insane. I'm just calling her out on it: 'No, mom, this is called a partnership. He doesn't get a party because he's doing what is expected.'' — Taylor Wolfe Sometimes you need to expand the village. 'I've noticed that my parents understand the importance of being and providing a 'village' to help me with my children and family. I do wish though that they understood that all help doesn't always have to come from the family. Sometimes, to allow for everyone in the family to rest, hired help may be needed. It could be a nanny, babysitter or daycare. My parents feel that I shouldn't pay for the help if they're around. The issue is that, just like my husband and I, our parents need a break, and we respect that. If we have the means and access to outside help, it's a huge privilege and an added expense that's worth it. Responsibilities can be shared without guilt.' — Mya Morenzoni 'I wish my parents knew that we have to parent so much differently than they did back in the day. We have to parent with paid help, whether that's a nanny or au pair. The village is available, but at a cost.' — Natalie Robinson We speak openly about mental health. Related: 'Many millennials prioritize their own mental health and their children's emotional well-being, embracing therapy, mindfulness and open communication about mental health. They want their parents to recognize that mental health is not a taboo topic but an integral part of raising happy, resilient kids.' — Dr. Mona Amin More is expected of us. 'One of the biggest struggles seems to be getting my parents to understand that things that were 'good enough' or 'fine' for me or my siblings aren't good enough anymore. From food to schoolwork to sports/extracurriculars and even what they're watching ... there's just a lot more involvement. And the crazy thing is that it's also somewhat expected that millennial parents will be overly involved in their kids' lives.' — Christina Rincon We place a high value on experiences. Related: 'We're focused on creating life-long memories for and with our kids. Prioritizing vacations with and without kids is just as important as anything else in life.' — Natalie Robinson We respect our children and give them autonomy. 'One thing that I wish that our parents understood is that we treat our children with respect and we understand that they are humans who are allowed to express their emotions. I think the best way to teach children to be respectful people is to give them that respect. That means allowing them to express their emotions and also to apologize to our kids if there's a situation where I feel like maybe I handled it incorrectly. How can I get upset about my children not regulating their emotions if I can't always be expected to regulate mine? So my kids are allowed to have bad days. They're allowed to say, 'Mama, I don't agree.' They're allowed to choose who they want to hug and who they don't want to hug. Those are the tough conversations we have had with our parents because how they want to parent our kids is not the same. In the moment, I'm not going to disagree with my mom or my in-laws, but it is a conversation after the fact: 'Hey, you know how you responded in this moment? I'm not calling my child a crybaby. I'm not telling them to stop crying, to suck it up. We're using different language.'' — Jamilla Svansson-Brown Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. This article originally appeared on HuffPost. 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Washington Post
3 days ago
- General
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Aging parents' anxiety causes a family rift
Dear Eric: My now-retired parents are terrific people. They're interesting, kind, hardworking and A++ grandparents. My wife and I marvel at how instinctive, capable and giving they are with our two young boys. That said, every year that goes by, their anxiety reaches new heights. It seems like a classic case of having very little to fill the void of what their careers once were. It makes it exhausting to spend more than a day or two at a time with them, as the ticks and ruminations start mounting and, eventually, corroding every interaction.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist
11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist originally appeared on Parade. Close your eyes and picture your favorite memories with your grandparents when you were growing up. If those moments were warm, fuzzy and full of love, you very likely had emotionally supportive grandparents. Although much of the emotional support a child receives comes from the parent or parents, this is an area where grandmas and grandpas can also contribute. 'Grandparents can play a very key role in a grandchild's emotional development,' says A. Biller, Psy.D., Director, Mental Health at the Audrey Hepburn Children's House at Hackensack University Medical Center. This emotional support is best carried out as a partnership between primary caregivers and grandparents. Ahead, discover the key things that emotionally supportive grandmothers and grandfathers do Grandparents Who Make the Biggest Impact on Their Grandkids Usually Do These 10 Things, Psychologists Say Why Is It Important To Be Emotionally Supportive of Grandchildren? Dr. Biller says that grandmothers and grandfathers have the distinct perspective of being able to provide love, support and care with far fewer daily parenting stressors and limitations that parents face. He adds that it's well-established that positive attachment between children and their grandparents results in decreased depressive symptoms, in both single parent families as well as in families in which children maintain strong relationships with their parents. 'Similarly, a secure emotional attachment between grandparents and grandchildren can mitigate the negative impact of less than ideal parental mental health and general functioning,' he explains. Dr. Biller also indicates that the positive attachment between grandparents and their grandchildren has beneficial impacts on grandparents themselves. In other words? Everyone wins when it comes to emotional Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions 11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist Here are some characteristics that set these grandmas and grandpas apart. 1. They Spend Quality Time With Their Grandchildren Dr. Biller says that when emotionally supportive grandparents spend time with their grandchildren, they do so in a manner that's felt in a sincere and genuine way. For example, when sharing a meal with a granddaughter or grandson, the grandparent will talk with the grandchild and be curious about the things that are meaningful to them, from school to relationships. Or, if a grandparent attends a grandkid's performance or game, the grandma or grandpa minimizes distractions such as phones and conversations and is there fully.'Although we think that our grandchildren are occupied with their activities, they are also tuned in to see how they are being taken in,' Dr. Biller says. 'Similarly, there is significant value in being able to discuss and process what the child engaged in after the activity.' Related: 2. They Respect Family Boundaries Emotionally supportive grandparents recognize the boundaries established by their grandchild's primary caregivers. 'It is not uncommon for grandparents to overlook the value of boundaries when attempting to provide unbridled love and kindness,' Dr. Biller says, adding that when a grandparent provides this love, the acts shouldn't be in opposition to the parents' wishes. When this happens, Dr. Biller says that it can bring on 'significant conflict and emotional confusion.' 3. They Listen to Their Grandchildren 'As is necessary in any meaningful relationship, it is imperative that grandparents fully listen to their grandchildren,' Dr. Biller says. 'The listening that is necessary involves more than auditory listening. It is essential that grandparents listen with their ears, eyes and other senses to ensure that they are responses to actual needs and respectful of their grandchild's boundaries.' Related: 4. They Share Life Experiences Emotionally supportive grandparents share their abundance of life experiences with their grandchildren.'It is imperative when sharing life experiences that grandparents do so in a realistic manner, sharing candor and humility,' Dr. Biller says. 'Grandchildren will learn best when grandparents share the reason that their experiences had an impact rather than simply describing the experience.' 5. They Provide Companionship Dr. Biller notes that while stories, hugs and smiles add quality to the time spent between grandparents and grandkids, consistency and reliability is important when it comes to companionship. In fact, this grandparent/grandchild relationship can serve as a foundation for a grandchild's expectation for later relationships. Related: 6. They Foster Emotional Socialization Although emotions tend to be experienced organically, Dr. Biller says that deliberate emotional development is primarily achieved through experience and exploration, something that can also be referred to as 'emotional socialization.' 'It is very beneficial for grandparents to be emotionally expressive and explain to their grandchildren the emotional impact of their interactions,' Dr. Biller says. 'Through discussions of emotional experiences, grandparents enhance their grandchildren's understanding of the nuances of different emotions and gain comfort speaking about their feelings.' Related: 7. They Serve as Role Models and Mentors 'As we all know, children learn from what we do, rather than what we say,' Dr. Biller explains. 'It should not be a surprise that grandparents who provide good examples through their actions have a positive emotional impact on their grandchildren's wellbeing.' Related: 6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals 8. They Act as "Historians' Dr. Biller says that emotionally supportive grandparents act as 'historians' of their families, explaining family traditions, values and ethnic heritage in detail. 'Grandparents serve a key role in linking past generations to future generations,' he shares. 'Through engaged retelling of stories about family members, grandchildren better understand their personal and cultural heritage.' 9. They Model Appropriate Emotional Expression According to Dr. Biller, emotionally supportive grandparents model 'appropriate emotional expression' and 'provide guidance on coping with strong emotions.' 'Through activities such as active play and reading with grandchildren, grandparents can serve an important role in teaching children how to manage and express their emotions,' he explains. 'When reading with children, it is best if grandparents are able to face their grandchildren, so that the child learns about emotions through listening to voice intonation as well as viewing facial expressions.' Related: 10. They Maintain Support Into Adulthood Dr. Biller says that the positive impact of emotional support from grandparents does not end at age 18, 'and why should it?' he adds. He goes on to say, 'The time and effort that is invested into an emotionally supportive relationship between a grandparent and child is beneficial throughout young adulthood and beyond. Personal growth does not have an end and, therefore, if a grandchild is fortunate to maintain a secure relationship with a grandparent, beyond their adolescence and into young adulthood, the grandchild is able to adapt their functioning based on the lessons and experiences that they learned from during their early interactions with their grandparents.' 11. They Love Unconditionally Emotionally supportive grandparents love unconditionally, but have 'appropriate boundaries' as Dr. Biller states. Although grandparents tend to play by 'a different set of rules' than parents, as Dr. Biller points out, he says that it's still imperative that grandparents respect the boundaries of their grandchildren and children. 'Loving unconditionally includes being mindful of how acts of love are expressed and how they are received,' he concludes. Up Next:Source: Brett A. Biller, Psy.D., Director, Mental Health at the Audrey Hepburn Children's House at Hackensack University Medical Center 11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jul 19, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 19, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
4 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
I've tested all the viral hacks for sleeping in the heat - this 'obvious' one was the worst
When you buy through links on our articles, Future and its syndication partners may earn a commission. The caveman cooling method has been causing a stir online during the recent heatwaves. The viral trend recommends closing windows and curtains during the day to keep the hot air hot. It's often used in bedrooms to create a cooler environment for sleep, similar to the dark of a cave. Fairly obvious, right? The caveman method is less a sleep 'hack' and more the advice your grandparents passed on. But while the caveman method comes recommended by experts (and a fair few Tom's Guide comments), I won't be using it this summer. And no, it's not just that the heat has gone to my head... Why I won't be using the caveman method The caveman method is a very sensible (and as Tom's Guide readers have pointed out, "obvious") method to keep your room cooler in a heatwave. And I'm a pretty sensible person so I've surprised myself by turning my nose up at this not-exactly-a-hack-it's-so-obvious sleep hack. Full disclosure: I have tried the caveman method before. While calling it 'caveman' might be a modern viral trend, shutting your windows and blinds has long been a popular method to cool down your house. Which brings me to my first problem: it didn't make my room feel much cooler. My room was now both dark and hot My room is on the east of the house, so I get a great dollop of sunlight to wake me up in the morning. This is normally a good thing — I wake up fresher when there's sunshine to help me along — but in a heatwave it means my bedroom is stifling by early morning. I leave my windows and curtains open in the night to let cold air in but that's followed by heat as soon as the sun rises. Even if I close my curtains once my alarm goes off, the damage is done. Instead of the cool cave I'm dreaming off, it just leaves me in a warm, dark room. Which brings me to the next problem... It sends me circadian rhythm out of sync Against all good advice but as a necessity of space, I have to work in my bedroom. To prevent work ruining my sleep, I have strict boundaries. I make time for breakfast every morning to define the start of the day and I go for a walk every evening to separate work from relaxation. And the final crucial element is that I keep my room bright when I'm working, pitch black when I'm sleeping. I have a SAD lamp and an eye mask to ensure I can achieve this no matter the conditions outside. But the caveman method plunged my workspace into 'bedtime' mode. My SAD lamp brightened things up but within a few minutes it started pumping out its own heat. My dim overhead lamp is cooler but the low light just made me feel sleepy. And I was also miserable. That's what a stuffy, dark room will do to you. My circadian rhythm was all over the place, further confused by the still-bright conditions of my evening walk. I crawled into bed with my head firmly stuck in 'work' mode. In my only slightly cooler room I tossed and turned with a racing mind. When I did fall asleep, I dreamt of mattress deals. Should you use the caveman method? The caveman method is undoubtedly an effective way to cool down your house, as evidenced by the fact people have been using it for eons. However, while cooling might seem top priority when trying to sleep in a heatwave, our circadian rhythms have their own demands. For me, that means a clear separation between my workspace and my sleep space, even though they're in the same room. This was something the caveman method worked against. So for cooler sleep I'll be leaving the Stone Age to jump forward a few millennia and leaning on ye olde electric fan method. 3 methods for cooler sleep I'll be using instead 1. Making my own air con A few years ago I bought a mini fan on a whim and it has since become one of my prized possessions. Despite a small size it packs a cooling punch during warm weather, especially when combined with a frozen bottle of water. To make your own air con, all you need is a fan and some ice. Simply face the fan towards your bed, place a bowl of ice (or a bottle of frozen water) in front of the fan and turn it on. The fan will blow the cold towards you. 2. A warm shower before bed In the morning vs evening shower debate I tend to fall on the side of 'whatever's most convenient' but during summer a warm shower can help me cool down before bed. Moving from the warmth of the shower into a cooler bedroom causes my core temperature to drop, bringing me closer to the perfect temperature to sleep. It also washes off the sweat, sun screen and allergens that threaten to ruin my mattress and my sleep when I go to bed in summer without an evening shower. 3. Ditch the duvet and use a top sheet While I swap my winter bedding for lighter, airier options at some point in mid-spring, during a heatwave even my most breathable duvet is too much. I'd kick off my covers entirely except I like the weight of even a thin blanket. So in summer, I'll switch my duvet for a top sheet. It's snuggly but not warm. Solve the daily Crossword
