A stranger complimented my parenting skills. Years later, I still think about what they said.

Yahoo

a day ago

A stranger's compliment about my parenting while at In-N-Out Burger left a lasting impact on me.
I had been working to help my son with his social skills, and he was putting those lessons to use.
Parenting often involves unseen labor, and small acts of kindness can offer significant support.
There are plenty of thankless moments in parenting: diaper explosions in the crevices of the car seat, and inexplicable meltdowns over cheap plastic toys in the checkout aisle.
There are also the annoyed, judgmental, and condescending looks from strangers who, no matter what you do, simply seem to think they just "know better."
Then there are moments that stand out in your memory, not because they're grand or dramatic, but because they're so unexpectedly gracious, kind, and human.
For me, one of these moments happened at the most ordinary of places: In-N-Out Burger.
My son and I were having an ordinary day
My energetic, boisterous 6-year-old son was thrilled to be at his favorite eatery, In-N-Out, and he darted up to the counter after realizing he hadn't been given his customary stickers when we ordered. I sat a few feet away on a red plastic bench while we waited, and my eyes followed him as he approached the employee bagging food and calling out order numbers in rapid succession.
"Excuse me, can I have some stickers?" he said to the floor.
"Eye contact!" I called.
My son turned to look at me, and I gave him the hand signal we had used over and over to practice making eye contact: two peace-sign fingers pointed at my eyes. He turned back to the woman at the counter, repeated his request while looking her in the eyes, and bounced back to me to wait for our food with his prized stickers in hand.
Then another patron surprised me with an easy, casual, "Good job, Mom."
Those words stuck with me
I doubt the other customer realized the impact of his words, and he surely wouldn't remember the compliment, now years later, when my son is 13 and successfully navigating middle school. At the time, though, his validation meant everything to me.
My son and I had just made a major life transition, and he had also been diagnosed with autism only months before. Our repeated eye contact practice was just one of the many ways I was working with him on his social skills, one tiny way I was giving parenting my all. Still, inside I felt I was coming up short, at least according to the feedback I was getting from his teachers, other parents, and the world at large at the time.
Now, this praise from a random stranger at a fast-food restaurant touched me to the point that I still remember it today — and probably always will.
Invisible labor often goes unnoticed
As any parent knows, raising a child is a marathon of invisible labor. We constantly make quick, often reactive micro-decisions, manage behaviors in crowded, complicated spaces, and hopefully teach some meaningful life lessons along the way.
Most of this work seemingly goes unseen and unappreciated, not just by our children, but by the wider community. At best, the general public seems indifferent to our efforts. At worst, they're our most biting critics.
When that stranger offered a little bit of encouragement, it was like a lifeline to a tired, single mom who was really just doing her best. That man couldn't have known how much preliminary work had gone into that one encounter, how many workshops I'd attended or videos I'd watched on parenting a child with autism, and how many practice hours we had logged in shaping his social skills. But that didn't matter. That one moment of acknowledgment fed me as a parent for a long, long time.
Small acts of kindness have value
I've lost count of the times I've felt the weight of strangers' eyes on me, especially in the moments when I needed a little understanding the most. When my son was an agitated and sensory-sensitive toddler just trying to cope with a noisy, overwhelming world, we navigated a lot of public meltdowns. In many of those moments, I was doing all I could just to keep it together myself.
I wasn't always someone who understood children. Before I became a mother and taught preschool for a stint, I was impatient with their unpredictability. It was only through daily immersion in their world — through the chaos and wonder — that I learned to appreciate their honesty, their creativity, and their capacity for joy. Children, I realized, are not miniature adults in need of correction but whole people deserving of patience, respect, and, in many cases, awe.
That lesson has made me a better parent and a better person. It has also softened my judgments, not just of other parents but of myself. It's helped me see the value in small acts of kindness.
That man's words were simple, but they carried the weight of recognition. They reminded me that the work that I and all parents do matters, even when it often goes unnoticed.
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