Top US divorce lawyer reveals the unexpected habit that can signal a marriage is headed for divorce
When it comes to divorce, certain red flags can indicate that a marriage may be at risk. According to James Sexton, one of America's top divorce lawyers, substance use is one of the strongest predictors of divorce. While many assume that differences in religion, culture, or age gaps might be the primary reasons for marital breakdowns, Sexton believes otherwise.
'If one or both people are big drinkers or drug users, that's usually a good indication that the marriage is going to lead to divorce,' Sexton stated, appearing on The Diary Of A CEO podcast. 'I'm very fixated on pattern recognition. So I'm always looking at the same religion, different religions, or religious vs non-religious, or older and younger (man or woman), same races, different races, like first generation to the US or both first generation or neither. I don't see those patterns. If I did, I'd be the first to say it. I don't hesitate to say stuff. But I've not seen those patterns. I think substance use is probably the main thing.'
But why does substance use play such a decisive role in marriage longevity?
Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, metions that substance use can severely disrupt communication and emotional intimacy in a marriage.
'When one or both partners engage in frequent substance use, it can lead to mood swings, impaired judgment, and difficulty in maintaining open and honest conversations. Over time, this erodes trust and makes conflict resolution more challenging,' Cadabam explains.
Substance use often becomes a way to escape emotional distress rather than address underlying relationship issues, creating a cycle of avoidance and resentment.
'Emotional intimacy suffers because one or both partners may become emotionally unavailable, prioritising the substance over their spouse. As a result, the relationship dynamic shifts from one of mutual support to one marked by isolation, misunderstandings, and increasing emotional distance, which can ultimately lead to divorce,' she adds.
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Early warning signs that substance use is becoming a threat to a relationship
Yes, there are several early warning signs that substance use is beginning to harm a relationship.
'One of the first indicators is when drinking or drug use becomes a frequent source of arguments, particularly if one partner feels that substance use is excessive while the other dismisses concerns. Another sign is when a partner starts hiding their consumption, whether by lying about how much they are drinking or using substances in secret,' Cadabam notes.
Changes in behaviour can also serve as red flags. 'Becoming more irritable, withdrawn, or unreliable can signal that substance use is taking priority over the relationship. Financial strain due to spending on alcohol or drugs and a decline in shared activities or intimacy are additional red flags. Recognising these early warning signs is crucial for seeking help before the issue escalates,' she emphasizes.
Can couples successfully navigate and recover from substance-related conflicts, or is divorce often inevitable in such cases?
Recovery from substance-related conflicts is possible, but it requires commitment from both partners and often professional intervention.
'Couples who successfully navigate these challenges typically do so through open communication, therapy, and setting clear boundaries around substance use. Seeking help from addiction specialists, attending couples counseling, and participating in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon can provide valuable guidance,' Cadabam explains.
However, the willingness to acknowledge the problem is crucial. 'Recovery is only possible if the individual struggling with substance use acknowledges the problem and is willing to make changes,' she cautions.
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