My husband has been sleeping with two women from church – and one is now pregnant… I feel completely humiliated

Scottish Sun

22-05-2025

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DEAR DEIDRE: CHURCH was meant to be my safe space, but instead, it's where I uncovered my husband's string of affairs.
I'm 43, he's 45, and we've been together for 15 years. We have two children.
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For our entire marriage, he has worn the mask of a good, supportive, trustworthy family man.
He has always been active in our church, and I've never doubted him, even when he grew close to a few women in the congregation. I assumed it was all innocent.
That was until a few months ago when the whispers began.
At first I tried to ignore them, thinking it was classic church drama.
But the truth came crashing down on me when a close friend pulled me aside and told me he had been sleeping with two of these women — and now one of them is pregnant with his child.
I was completely blindsided. Everyone knew before I did, and I felt completely humiliated.
My heart is broken, and I can't stop thinking back over the years, wondering how I could have missed the signs. I feel completely lost.
I still love him, and he has begged and begged me for forgiveness, but I feel betrayed beyond words.
Our marriage was built on faith and trust, and now I feel an utter fool.
Perhaps I could have moved on from an affair, but now he's having a child with another woman, it's inescapable. How can we ever recover from this?
Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships
DEIDRE SAYS: I can only imagine how devastated you must feel. Not only has your husband betrayed your trust, but he has also fathered a child with another woman.
That adds an incredibly painful and permanent layer to an already heartbreaking situation.
It's understandable that you are feeling humiliated, as this played out in a close-knit church community.
Please don't let the shame that belongs to him fall on you.
Take time to think about what you want and consider what is best for you.
This situation now involves lifelong consequences, and you need to figure out if forgiveness is possible for you.
Counselling – individually or with your husband – can help you navigate these emotions and work through your next steps. Arrange this through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will also help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
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You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
HIS CONSTANT DEMANDS IN BEDROOM PUT ME ON EDGE
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM at a crossroads in my relationship and don't know whether to stay or go.
My boyfriend constantly complains that I don't see him enough, but I have two children and work full-time as a nurse.
He is 39, I'm 37, and we have been together for two years.
When I do make time for him, he always pesters me for sex. It's making me uncomfortable and drained.
I've told him I find his constant need for sex overwhelming, and instead of taking it on board, he turned to watching porn.
Since the beginning of our relationship I've made my feelings and boundaries about porn clear, but finding it on his search history has confirmed how little he seems to respect my feelings.
DEIDRE SAYS: You're doing your best to balance a tough job and raise two children, so the last thing you need is a partner who makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty.
Your boyfriend's constant demands for sex and disregard for your boundaries around porn are red flags. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not pressure or emotional manipulation.
It sounds like his sex drive is higher than yours but if you can't communicate and find a compromise as a couple, you have bigger decisions to make.
Tell him how his behaviour affects you. If he can't respect your boundaries or empathise with your situation, you may need to consider walking away.
MY SILLY DECISION RUINED ROMANCE
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING made a huge mistake, I'm terrified I've lost my boyfriend for good.
I am 25, he's 26 and we've been together for two years.
A few weeks ago, a guy I met at work asked me out on a date. In the heat of the moment, I stupidly agreed to go.
While I didn't actually go through with it, my boyfriend found out, and it shattered his trust.
Understandably, he was hurt and angry.
While I begged for forgiveness, he has completely retreated and been totally silent.
It's been three weeks with no contact and no clarity.
I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, and I miss him so much.
How do I fix this and rebuild his trust?
I want to make things right, but I'm not sure how to help him heal.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have acknowledged your mistake, and that's the most important step. However, your boyfriend needs time to process his emotions and decide if he is willing to move forward.
Right now, your best approach is to give him space and let him know you are there when he's ready to talk, but avoid bombarding him with messages.
Relationships take time to heal, and patience is key.
If he decides to work through things, my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, will help you get back on track.
But if he decides to walk away, my support pack, Moving On, will help you heal and let go.
SEX GONE FROM CHORE TO NEVER
ALTHOUGH I love my wife, the lack of affection in our marriage makes me feel invisible and neglected.
I'm 59, she's 55 and we have been married for 25 years. We have a good relationship overall.
We share hobbies, enjoy travelling and often spend time doing things together, like hiking, cooking and watching films. However, when it comes to intimacy, I feel like I'm living with a friend.
When we first met, she wasn't too fond of any physical affection but used to make an effort. These days there's no hugging, cuddling or kissing, and even holding hands only happens if I press for it.
Our sex life became a once-a-month chore, rushed and devoid of any passion. There was never any affection before or after, and she always insisted on rushing through without any foreplay.
Now, in the last few months, she has refused sex altogether. While I love her deeply, I feel so disconnected and alone. I've always hoped things would change, but now I'm worried I have committed myself to a life of celibacy and no affection.
Where do I go from here?
DEIDRE SAYS: Affection and intimacy are vital parts of any healthy relationship, so it's natural that you are feeling hurt and rejected.
All this time you have been patient, but it's clear your needs are not being met and something needs to change.
Have an honest conversation with your wife about how this is affecting you. Try not to blame her, but explain how her lack of intimacy is getting you down.
While you can't force her to give you more affection, you can be honest about what you need in your relationship to feel fulfilled.
If she is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway, couples counselling will help. See relate.org.uk.