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Scottish Sun
13 hours ago
- Lifestyle
- Scottish Sun
I'm having a baby with new boyfriend – but he abandoned me then got woman I loathe pregnant
We had a huge blowout about us moving in together and he stormed out — no goodbye, no explanation DEAR DEIDRE I'm having a baby with new boyfriend – but he abandoned me then got woman I loathe pregnant Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: DISCOVERING I was pregnant by my new boyfriend was a welcome surprise and I really embraced the idea of becoming a mum. However, he has really shown his true colours by abandoning me and also getting a woman I loathe pregnant at the same time. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up I'm 36 and have always longed for a baby. I previously tried for years with a previous partner and even went through IVF on my own, but fertility issues left me with little hope. So I was delighted to discover that I am expecting. My boyfriend is 39 and we'd only been seeing each other a short while, but it didn't take long before the excitement set in. And I really thought we had a future together. Then we had a huge blowout because he was being evasive about us moving in together, and I said he would need to share the load of having a newborn. He stormed out — no goodbye, no explanation, he just vanished, leaving me to face everything alone. I was heartbroken. Just as I was beginning to feel excited about the baby again, he got in touch and dropped a bombshell. He'd got another woman pregnant. She's someone I've never liked. We share mutual friends, and she's always been sly — copying me, making passive-aggressive digs, even trying it on with an ex of mine. We've had our fair share of drama and arguments over the years. Now I feel betrayed all over again. I know technically we weren't together, but he knew how I felt about her. He says he wants to be involved with our baby and step up. But how can I trust him, especially when he's having a child with her too? Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating DEIDRE SAYS: This is a lot to process, especially after everything you've been through to become a mum. Your ex didn't cheat but it's the emotional betrayal and timing that's so painful. Unprotected sex with someone he knows you dislike, so soon after leaving you, feels like a slap in the face. Does having him involved feel supportive or stressful? You have every right to set boundaries that protect your peace and wellbeing. Co-parenting is possible without rekindling a relationship. Talking to a therapist can help you decide what's best for you. Tavistock Relationships ( 020 7380 1960) can help. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. GIRL MATE IS SINGLE AGAIN AND I WANT TO MAKE A MOVE DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of hiding my feelings, the girl I've always fancied is suddenly single – and now I'm wondering what I should do next. The last thing I want to do is overstep, but I'm terrified if I don't make a move I'll be stuck in the friendzone forever. I'm 27, she's 26, and we've always been close, but I never thought she saw me that way. She was with her boyfriend for a long time, so I kept my feelings to myself and stayed just friends. However, she's recently broken up with him, and I'm not sure what to do. I want to make my feelings known, but I'm worried she might just be looking for a rebound, and I don't want to be the one who gets hurt or used. At the same time, I don't want to wait too long and miss my chance. How do I tell her how I feel? I feel anxious even thinking about it. DEIDRE SAYS: It's normal to worry about being seen as a rebound, especially after someone has just left a long-term relationship. Take things slowly and be a supportive friend first. It's likely she'll probably need some time to heal. When the moment feels right, be honest about your feelings without putting pressure on her. While you can't guarantee that she will reciprocate, being genuine and patient gives you the best chance of building something meaningful. SCARED TO LEAVE ABUSIVE PARTNER DEAR DEIDRE: FOR years, I've been trapped in a toxic relationship with a man who controls every part of my life – emotionally, verbally and financially. Now I finally have the means to leave, I'm terrified. I'm 38, he's 42, we've been together over a decade and have two children. The last few years have been a living nightmare. He constantly puts me down, isolates me from friends, and lashes out in anger that sometimes get physical. I spend every day walking on eggshells, terrified of setting him off. I've wanted to leave so many times, but I've had no money, no support network. But recently, my grandmother passed away and left me an inheritance. It's not life-changing, but it's enough to get out. I feel paralysed by fear. What if I can't manage on my own? I want a better life for my children, but I don't know how to take that first step. Help. DEIDRE SAYS: You've shown incredible strength by surviving this long, and now you have a real chance to break free. It's normal to feel scared, but staying may cause more harm in the long run. Reach out to Women's Aid ( or call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, who can help you plan your next steps safely. I'm sending you my pack, Abusive Partner?, which offers further support. PAL IN LOVE WITH A SEX OFFENDER DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend has fallen head over heels for a convicted sex offender, and I'm terrified she's putting love before her child's safety. We are both 37 and have been friends since school. I've always known her to be a great mum to her ten-year-old daughter. But now I'm questioning her judgement. She met this man online about six months ago. Not long into dating, he told her he had a conviction for a sex offence that happened 'years ago'. He claims it was a misunderstanding and that he's a changed man. She believes him completely. Her family and I have tried to warn her to be careful, especially with her daughter at home, but she says we're being judgmental and that she knows him better than anyone. Now he's moved in with them, and I can't shake the feeling that something's not right. Should I leave her to trust her instincts, or is my sense of duty to protect that little girl the right path? I feel torn. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: You're right to trust your instincts – when it comes to a child's safety, it's always better to be cautious. It's deeply worrying that your friend is ignoring your concerns. While people can change, sex offences are serious and not to be dismissed. You need to have a very frank conversation with your friend. Explain, firmly but compassionately, that while you love and care for her, you're extremely worried about her daughter's well- being. Let her know this isn't about judging her relationship but about protecting a child. If, after that, she still refuses to listen, you may need to consider raising a safeguarding concern with your local children's services. I'm sending you my pack, Worried A Child's At Risk?, which has further advice and resources.
Scottish Sun
18 hours ago
- General
- Scottish Sun
When I found myself caught up in a double life, you helped me find a way out
Struggling reader thanks Dear Deidre team after finding himself tangled in a double life - scroll down to see how YOU can submit any problem to our team THANK YOU When I found myself caught up in a double life, you helped me find a way out Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: THANK you for helping me untangle the double life that was destroying me bit by bit. When I first wrote to you, I was 45 and completely exhausted. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up I was juggling two lives – one with my girlfriend and our two young sons during the week and another with my wife and daughter every other weekend. Neither woman knew about the other. To outsiders, I seemed like a man with a demanding job in the city, balancing family and work. The truth was far messier. My wife, who I'd been married to for 15 years, came from a culture where divorce is heavily stigmatised. We hoped having a child would fix things between us, but it didn't. Years of unhappiness led me to take a job over 200 miles away. That's when I met my girlfriend online. She had everything that my marriage lacked – she was warm, funny, and kind. When she became pregnant, I made the choice to live with her. But I never properly ended my old life. I didn't know how to. By the time I reached out to you, I had two little boys I adored, a woman I loved, and a growing mountain of lies. My daughter, then nearly 10, was starting to ask questions. I barely slept. I was snapping at everyone and hated the man I'd become. You made it clear these secrets couldn't last forever and that my children deserved to hear the truth from me – not find it out in ways that would break their trust. You also reminded me that staying in a toxic marriage wasn't helping anyone. Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it You encouraged me to come clean with my wife and get support. I contacted a counsellor through Tavistock Relationships ( 020 7380 1960) who helped us navigate the transition. With your advice, I stopped spiralling. I found a way forward that considered everyone's wellbeing – not just my guilt. My wife and I began the process of separation and have now officially divorced. It was painful, but also freeing. Your support pack Worried About Mum and Dad helped me talk to my daughter and protect our relationship through the changes. After years of stress and deception, I finally feel like I've become the father and man I want to be – to all my children. I still have a long road ahead, but at least I'm no longer living a lie. Thank you. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm so glad you reached out and shared your story. Living a double life can be incredibly stressful, but by opening up, you took the crucial first step toward honesty and healing. Your situation is one many people find themselves in, especially when cultural pressures make separation feel impossible. Keeping secrets often causes more harm than good, especially for children, who pick up on tensions even when adults try to hide them. By choosing to be honest and seeking support, you've given your children and yourself a chance at healthier, happier, more trusting relationships. Your story also highlights why it's so important to face difficult truths sooner rather than later. Avoiding the conversation might feel easier at the time, but it only prolongs the pain and uncertainty for everyone involved. Open communication, even when it's hard, lays the groundwork for healing and rebuilding trust within families and relationships. There is no perfect way to end something, but there is a responsible one, and you've now started down that path.
The Irish Sun
18 hours ago
- General
- The Irish Sun
When I found myself caught up in a double life, you helped me find a way out
DEAR DEIDRE: THANK you for helping me untangle the double life that was destroying me bit by bit. When I first wrote to you, I was 45 and completely exhausted. I was juggling two lives – one with my girlfriend and our two young sons during the week and another with my wife and daughter every other weekend. Neither woman knew about the other. To outsiders, I seemed like a man with a demanding job in the city, balancing family and work. The truth was far messier. My wife, who I'd been married to for 15 years, came from a culture where divorce is heavily stigmatised. We hoped having a child would fix things between us, but it didn't. Years of unhappiness led me to take a job over 200 miles away. That's when I met my girlfriend online. She had everything that my marriage lacked – she was warm, funny, and kind. When she became pregnant, I made the choice to live with her. But I never properly ended my old life. I didn't know how to. By the time I reached out to you, I had two little boys I adored, a woman I loved, and a growing mountain of lies. My daughter, then nearly 10, was starting to ask questions. I barely slept. I was snapping at everyone and hated the man I'd become. You made it clear these secrets couldn't last forever and that my children deserved to hear the truth from me – not find it out in ways that would break their trust. You also reminded me that staying in a toxic marriage wasn't helping anyone. Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it You encouraged me to come clean with my wife and get support. I contacted a counsellor through Tavistock Relationships ( With your advice, I stopped spiralling. I found a way forward that considered everyone's wellbeing – not just my guilt. My wife and I began the process of separation and have now officially divorced. It was painful, but also freeing. Your support pack Worried About Mum and Dad helped me talk to my daughter and protect our relationship through the changes. After years of stress and deception, I finally feel like I've become the father and man I want to be – to all my children. I still have a long road ahead, but at least I'm no longer living a lie. Thank you. MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEIDRE SAYS: I'm so glad you reached out and shared your story. Living a double life can be incredibly stressful, but by opening up, you took the crucial first step toward honesty and healing. Your situation is one many people find themselves in, especially when cultural pressures make separation feel impossible. Keeping secrets often causes more harm than good, especially for children, who pick up on tensions even when adults try to hide them. By choosing to be honest and seeking support, you've given your children and yourself a chance at healthier, happier, more trusting relationships. Your story also highlights why it's so important to face difficult truths sooner rather than later. Avoiding the conversation might feel easier at the time, but it only prolongs the pain and uncertainty for everyone involved. Open communication, even when it's hard, lays the groundwork for healing and rebuilding trust within families and relationships. There is no perfect way to end something, but there is a responsible one, and you've now started down that path. Ask me and my counsellors anything Every problem get a personal and private reply from one of my trained counsellors within one working day. Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women's issues and general features. Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week. Sally took over as The Sun's Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago. The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes: Kate Taylor : a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books. Jane Allton : a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies. Catherine Thomas : with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues. Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and You can also send a private message on the
Scottish Sun
22-05-2025
- General
- Scottish Sun
My husband has been sleeping with two women from church – and one is now pregnant… I feel completely humiliated
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: CHURCH was meant to be my safe space, but instead, it's where I uncovered my husband's string of affairs. I'm 43, he's 45, and we've been together for 15 years. We have two children. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up For our entire marriage, he has worn the mask of a good, supportive, trustworthy family man. He has always been active in our church, and I've never doubted him, even when he grew close to a few women in the congregation. I assumed it was all innocent. That was until a few months ago when the whispers began. At first I tried to ignore them, thinking it was classic church drama. But the truth came crashing down on me when a close friend pulled me aside and told me he had been sleeping with two of these women — and now one of them is pregnant with his child. I was completely blindsided. Everyone knew before I did, and I felt completely humiliated. My heart is broken, and I can't stop thinking back over the years, wondering how I could have missed the signs. I feel completely lost. I still love him, and he has begged and begged me for forgiveness, but I feel betrayed beyond words. Our marriage was built on faith and trust, and now I feel an utter fool. Perhaps I could have moved on from an affair, but now he's having a child with another woman, it's inescapable. How can we ever recover from this? Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships DEIDRE SAYS: I can only imagine how devastated you must feel. Not only has your husband betrayed your trust, but he has also fathered a child with another woman. That adds an incredibly painful and permanent layer to an already heartbreaking situation. It's understandable that you are feeling humiliated, as this played out in a close-knit church community. Please don't let the shame that belongs to him fall on you. Take time to think about what you want and consider what is best for you. This situation now involves lifelong consequences, and you need to figure out if forgiveness is possible for you. Counselling – individually or with your husband – can help you navigate these emotions and work through your next steps. Arrange this through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will also help. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. HIS CONSTANT DEMANDS IN BEDROOM PUT ME ON EDGE DEAR DEIDRE: I AM at a crossroads in my relationship and don't know whether to stay or go. My boyfriend constantly complains that I don't see him enough, but I have two children and work full-time as a nurse. He is 39, I'm 37, and we have been together for two years. When I do make time for him, he always pesters me for sex. It's making me uncomfortable and drained. I've told him I find his constant need for sex overwhelming, and instead of taking it on board, he turned to watching porn. Since the beginning of our relationship I've made my feelings and boundaries about porn clear, but finding it on his search history has confirmed how little he seems to respect my feelings. DEIDRE SAYS: You're doing your best to balance a tough job and raise two children, so the last thing you need is a partner who makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty. Your boyfriend's constant demands for sex and disregard for your boundaries around porn are red flags. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not pressure or emotional manipulation. It sounds like his sex drive is higher than yours but if you can't communicate and find a compromise as a couple, you have bigger decisions to make. Tell him how his behaviour affects you. If he can't respect your boundaries or empathise with your situation, you may need to consider walking away. MY SILLY DECISION RUINED ROMANCE DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING made a huge mistake, I'm terrified I've lost my boyfriend for good. I am 25, he's 26 and we've been together for two years. A few weeks ago, a guy I met at work asked me out on a date. In the heat of the moment, I stupidly agreed to go. While I didn't actually go through with it, my boyfriend found out, and it shattered his trust. Understandably, he was hurt and angry. While I begged for forgiveness, he has completely retreated and been totally silent. It's been three weeks with no contact and no clarity. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, and I miss him so much. How do I fix this and rebuild his trust? I want to make things right, but I'm not sure how to help him heal. DEIDRE SAYS: You have acknowledged your mistake, and that's the most important step. However, your boyfriend needs time to process his emotions and decide if he is willing to move forward. Right now, your best approach is to give him space and let him know you are there when he's ready to talk, but avoid bombarding him with messages. Relationships take time to heal, and patience is key. If he decides to work through things, my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, will help you get back on track. But if he decides to walk away, my support pack, Moving On, will help you heal and let go. SEX GONE FROM CHORE TO NEVER ALTHOUGH I love my wife, the lack of affection in our marriage makes me feel invisible and neglected. I'm 59, she's 55 and we have been married for 25 years. We have a good relationship overall. We share hobbies, enjoy travelling and often spend time doing things together, like hiking, cooking and watching films. However, when it comes to intimacy, I feel like I'm living with a friend. When we first met, she wasn't too fond of any physical affection but used to make an effort. These days there's no hugging, cuddling or kissing, and even holding hands only happens if I press for it. Our sex life became a once-a-month chore, rushed and devoid of any passion. There was never any affection before or after, and she always insisted on rushing through without any foreplay. Now, in the last few months, she has refused sex altogether. While I love her deeply, I feel so disconnected and alone. I've always hoped things would change, but now I'm worried I have committed myself to a life of celibacy and no affection. Where do I go from here? DEIDRE SAYS: Affection and intimacy are vital parts of any healthy relationship, so it's natural that you are feeling hurt and rejected. All this time you have been patient, but it's clear your needs are not being met and something needs to change. Have an honest conversation with your wife about how this is affecting you. Try not to blame her, but explain how her lack of intimacy is getting you down. While you can't force her to give you more affection, you can be honest about what you need in your relationship to feel fulfilled. If she is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway, couples counselling will help. See
