My partner was seen sneaking out of male co-worker's hotel room – is she cheating?
She denies anything is going on, but my gut is telling me otherwise.
I've been cheated on before so this is bringing back a lot of bad memories.
Now, I'm so insecure and paranoid, I no longer know what to believe.
My partner and I have been together for five years and have two children. We're both in our early forties.
We met at work. I've since moved on to another job but she's still in the company.
Over the past year, she has been acting very off with me — distant and moody. She hasn't wanted sex, and whenever I try to give her a cuddle, she pushes me away.
I couldn't help noticing she was spending a lot of time with a male colleague. They were always on the phone in the evenings, or having Zoom calls.
When I questioned this, she told me they were working on an important project.
Then she had to go off to a conference. While she was away, I phoned her so the kids could say goodnight.
She didn't answer. I was so worried, I called a friend, who was also at the conference.
He said he'd seen her earlier, at dinner. The male colleague was there too.
Cheating and can you get over it
When she came home, I confronted her. She claimed her phone had accidentally been on silent. That's very unlike her.
Since then, my friend has told me he's heard rumours that my partner was seen coming out of her colleague's hotel room.
He also says there's gossip about them at work.
Before I met my partner, I had a long-term girlfriend who left me for someone she worked with. I can't bear the thought of history repeating itself.
I'm trying to keep sane and act normally for the children, but I'm struggling. Please help.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your gut is telling you your partner is cheating. And the rumours aren't helping.
Your previous experience is also feeding into your anxiety.
Nothing can be resolved unless you talk to your partner.
Rather than confronting her about her colleague, tell her you are worried about your relationship and want to make it better – for your children's sake too.
Ask her to be honest. It may be that your relationship has no future, but at least you'll know and can work out what to do.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help.
Also think about having relationship counselling. To find out more, contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DEAL WITH BRATTY KIDS
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I became concerned about my brother's children, who were turning into little brats, I didn't know what to do.
They swore like troopers and had no boundaries. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to create a rift.
I'm 47 and my brother is 44. He and his wife have three children, aged between six and ten.
Although they've always been loving parents, they didn't moderate their language, and the kids repeated what they heard. They also had terrible table manners and threw food around.
You understood my concerns but reminded me I'm an auntie, not their parent, and recommended a gentle approach – asking my brother if he was worried, and telling the kids not to say inappropriate things at my house, rather than criticising my brother's parenting style.
You also recommended I contact familylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222) and read your support pack, Standing Up For Yourself.
Using the techniques in the pack, I asked my brother if he was worried about his children swearing. He was annoyed for a while but things are back to normal and I've noticed he and his wife have now been swearing less. Thank you.
DEIDRE SAYS: I'm so glad you were able to tackle this. What you said clearly had an impact.
Hopefully he'll keep his children's positive development in mind in the future.
Penis size makes me worried something is wrong
DEARF DEIDRE: MY penis looks so small – like half of it is still inside me. I'm worried it's a micropenis.
Recently I've also been finding it difficult to get an erection, and I'm worried something is wrong.
I'm a 48-year-old single man, and I'm overweight, with a big 'beer belly', even though I don't drink beer.
I've been trying to lose weight, and exercising by riding a bicycle. But when I sit on the saddle, it feels like I'm sitting on my penis.
Although I've never been well-endowed, until recently I didn't think I was abnormally small down there. Is it possible to develop a micropenis as you age?
It's been several years since I was involved with a woman. I'd quite like to have a relationship again.
How can I even think about this when my penis is so tiny and doesn't work?
This isn't something I can ask anyone about, as it's so embarrassing.
What do I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You can't develop a micropenis, you're born with it.
What's more likely is that your tummy is now hanging down over your penis, and also obscuring your view.
You may also have more fat around your pubic area, which is why it feels uncomfortable when you cycle.
It's admirable you're trying to lose weight. But it's a good idea for you to see your GP to get more help with this.
Also please talk about your erection issues, as these can be a symptom of other health problems.
My support packs, Solving Erection Problems, and Weight Worries, have more information about these issues.
WORRIED SHE'S TURNING HIM INTO A MUMMY'S BOY
DEAR DEIDRE: I'M very concerned that my sister and my nephew are far too close.
They spend all their time together, and rely on each other for everything. They're more like partners than mother and son.
I don't think this is normal for a teenage boy and his mum, and I'm worried.
I'm 45 and my sister is 43. She's a single mum to a 14-year-old boy.
His dad ran off when he was a toddler and has had no contact with him since.
I used to think my sister was a great mum, totally devoted to her son.
But lately, I've realised her relationship with him isn't healthy.
They do everything together and she is fiercely protective of him.
He should be out with his friends, becoming independent, even rebelling. Instead, he stays in with her.
She calls him 'the man of the house', But he's just a kid.
I fear he's never going to be able to leave home and live his own life.
My sister has already said she doesn't ever want him to have a girlfriend. She's scared she'll lose him.
I know if I say anything, she won't take it well. She'll probably blow up or stop talking to me. But for my nephew's sake, I feel I have to intervene.
DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound like your sister has turned her son into a surrogate partner – and that isn't healthy.
She may not mean to, but she's behaving selfishly, smothering him and stunting his development.
He probably doesn't realise his mum is using him to meet her needs, but It's a form of emotional abuse.
She needs to create boundaries – however she'll need support from you, and possibly a professional, to do this.
Intervening is tricky.
Before you say anything, consider talking in confidence to the NSPCC's helpline (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000).
You can remain anonymous.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to have a calm conversation with her.
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The Irish Sun
42 minutes ago
- The Irish Sun
I caught wife cheating by staking her out at cheap hotel – I'm devastated but want to save our marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my wife cheating by staking her out at a Premier Inn. I'm devastated but want to save our marriage. I've not been a perfect husband. A few years ago, my wife caught me sexting other women and meeting them for sex. Somehow, she forgave me. I thought we'd done a good job of rebuilding trust and getting back on track. We've been together since school. We're now 38 and got married 13 years ago. We have a 12-year-old daughter. Late last year, one of my wife's closest male friends split from his partner. My wife began seeing him several times a week, to 'boost his confidence' and 'cheer him up'. She spent hours getting ready, so I started to wonder exactly how she was lifting his spirits. She swore blind she wasn't doing anything shady, and I had no choice but to trust her. A couple of weeks ago, she casually told me she was going away for the weekend with her sister. I got a bad feeling, so the night before she left, I secretly rifled through her suitcase. She'd packed new lacy underwear, sex toys, handcuffs and condoms. I also found a booking confirmation for a Premier Inn 80 miles away. I couldn't sleep at all that night, picturing her in the underwear and cuffs with him. I got up early, dropped our daughter at a friend's house, then drove to the hotel. I found a table in the bar with a good view of the front door and waited. Just after midday, she walked in with her male friend. Spotting the signs your partner is cheating They were giggling, and he was grabbing her bum as they walked up to the check-in desk. But instead of a warm welcome, they found me there. I opened my mouth to shout and he just ran away. I drove her back home, both of us crying the whole way. We've since talked things through and agreed to patch up our marriage, but how do I trust her again? DEIDRE SAYS: It could be that your wife never truly forgave you for your repeated affairs. Instead of leaving the marriage, or working things through, she clearly had unresolved issues. While I won't condone this choice, it did give you a taste of everything you'd put her through. You've both cheated now and still want to stay together, so to avoid further devaluing your relationship, you'll need to be honest about what you need and work hard to communicate better. I'd also recommend marriage counselling. (020 7380 1975) offer face-to-face counselling or an online therapy service, with no minimum fee. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. LAS VEGAS GAMBLE WAS JUST A LIE DEAR DEIDRE: I LIED about my age to the woman of my dreams. Should I come clean and risk losing her? A few months ago I went to Las Vegas for my best friend's stag do. He's marrying a stunning girl he met on Tinder. I was hung over on the Sunday, so I stayed in bed most of the day and created my own Tinder profile to use when I got back home. I must've done something wrong as it showed my age as 40. I'm actually 29. Too tired to fix the error, I just scrolled the app. I ended up matching with a beautiful woman. Tall, slim, tanned and funny – she's exactly my type. She's 38. She works at the airport so we met for a coffee before my flight home. She was even prettier in real life. She said I looked young for 40 and I panicked. Thinking she'd lose interest if she knew I was a decade younger than her, I mumbled I was 35. I never expected to see her again anyway, even though the goodbye kiss we shared went on for nearly an hour. But back home, we message every day, talk on the phone and have even started discussing our future. I really think she could be the one. She's planning on coming over to see me soon, and I'm thinking of spending Christmas with her. But she still doesn't know my real age. She's had a few exes who've lied and cheated, so I don't want her to think I'm just another player. But she's bound to dump me if she discovers I fibbed. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: All relationships are built on trust. The longer this lie continues, the bigger it'll get. If she eventually discovers the truth by herself, she'll almost definitely end the relationship. Next time you're talking on the phone, bite the bullet and be honest. I suggest framing it like this: 'I need to talk to you. I think we have something amazing going on and I want you to be part of my future but I wasn't honest about my age. "I'm actually 29. I tried to change my age on Tinder but it wasn't possible and then when you asked me, I panicked. This is the only thing I've not been honest about.' Hopefully she'll accept the truth. NIGHTMARE NEIGHBOUR RUINING MY LIFE DEAR DEIDRE: A NIGHTMARE neighbour is ruining my life and putting a strain on my health. My partner, my two young daughters and I moved into a new council house last year. Everyone seemed nice, but our next-door neighbours – a couple in their 40s – were noisy, playing music in their garden late into the night. My partner popped round to have a word, and they promised to stop. Next, they turned the music up louder and mocked him underneath our window. They have parties every weekend, hide our bin and shout at our kids. I'm scared to go outside and my hair has started falling out. The council refuses to help because the neighbours own their home. DEIDRE SAYS: You do not have to put up with this. Read my Nuisance Neighbours support pack, and I also suggest you contact the National Stalking Helpline ( or call 0808 802 0300). They support anyone feeling harassed or intimidated by another person's behaviour. They will be able to tell you how to resolve these issues without going to the police (if you don't want to). Good luck. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband stopped sex more than a decade ago, and I still have no idea why. We're an older couple – he's 51, I'm 53 – and we've been happily married for 29 years. Our sex life used to be very intimate and satisfying for both of us. We'd do it several times a week then lie in bed having loving chats and cuddles. I miss it. It all stopped 11 years ago. We'd been out for dinner at a restaurant. We'd had a good time and had laughed and flirted. When we got home, I slipped upstairs and changed into a satin nightgown. I lay on the bed and texted him to say, 'Come upstairs – I've got a surprise for you.' He never came. I eventually went downstairs and found him asleep in front of the telly. The next day I asked him what had happened and he shrugged it off. But we've never touched since. Every time I try to initiate sex – whether through kissing him in bed, or talking to him, or even sparking an argument about it – he freezes me out and leaves the room. It's making me feel old, ugly and insecure. He's had some stress in his job but he takes antidepressants, so his mood is stable. The problem can only be me. DEIDRE SAYS: I understand why you're feeling insecure but you're unlikely to be the cause, especially since you had such a happy, fulfilling sex life together before. It's unusual for a healthy man of his age to lose interest in sex, and many couples enjoy intimacy until their 80s or beyond. Perhaps your husband is frustrated by a change in his sex drive or performance, and doesn't know how to talk to you about it. One likely cause could be his medication. Many types of antidepressants (including SSRIs) can delay orgasm or inhibit arousal. If he discusses this with his GP, they can look into alternative treatment. Bring up the subject again and tell him how much you miss feeling close and intimate. Read my Sex Play Therapy support pack together. It contains exercises recommended by sex therapists to help reignite desire.
The Irish Sun
a day ago
- The Irish Sun
My partner was seen sneaking out of male co-worker's hotel room – is she cheating?
DEAR DEIDRE: AT a work conference, my partner was seen sneaking out of her male friend's hotel room. Now the rumours about them are frying my brain. She denies anything is going on, but my gut is telling me otherwise. I've been cheated on before so this is bringing back a lot of bad memories. Now, I'm so insecure and paranoid, I no longer know what to believe. My partner and I have been together for five years and have two children. We're both in our early forties. We met at work. I've since moved on to another job but she's still in the company. Over the past year, she has been acting very off with me — distant and moody. She hasn't wanted sex, and whenever I try to give her a cuddle, she pushes me away. I couldn't help noticing she was spending a lot of time with a male colleague. They were always on the phone in the evenings, or having Zoom calls. When I questioned this, she told me they were working on an important project. Then she had to go off to a conference. While she was away, I phoned her so the kids could say goodnight. She didn't answer. I was so worried, I called a friend, who was also at the conference. He said he'd seen her earlier, at dinner. The male colleague was there too. Cheating and can you get over it When she came home, I confronted her. She claimed her phone had accidentally been on silent. That's very unlike her. Since then, my friend has told me he's heard rumours that my partner was seen coming out of her colleague's hotel room. He also says there's gossip about them at work. Before I met my partner, I had a long-term girlfriend who left me for someone she worked with. I can't bear the thought of history repeating itself. I'm trying to keep sane and act normally for the children, but I'm struggling. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: Your gut is telling you your partner is cheating. And the rumours aren't helping. Your previous experience is also feeding into your anxiety. Nothing can be resolved unless you talk to your partner. Rather than confronting her about her colleague, tell her you are worried about your relationship and want to make it better – for your children's sake too. Ask her to be honest. It may be that your relationship has no future, but at least you'll know and can work out what to do. My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help. Also think about having relationship counselling. To find out more, contact Tavistock Relationships ( Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DEAL WITH BRATTY KIDS DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I became concerned about my brother's children, who were turning into little brats, I didn't know what to do. They swore like troopers and had no boundaries. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to create a rift. I'm 47 and my brother is 44. He and his wife have three children, aged between six and ten. Although they've always been loving parents, they didn't moderate their language, and the kids repeated what they heard. They also had terrible table manners and threw food around. You understood my concerns but reminded me I'm an auntie, not their parent, and recommended a gentle approach – asking my brother if he was worried, and telling the kids not to say inappropriate things at my house, rather than criticising my brother's parenting style. You also recommended I contact (0808 800 2222) and read your support pack, Standing Up For Yourself. Using the techniques in the pack, I asked my brother if he was worried about his children swearing. He was annoyed for a while but things are back to normal and I've noticed he and his wife have now been swearing less. Thank you. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm so glad you were able to tackle this. What you said clearly had an impact. Hopefully he'll keep his children's positive development in mind in the future. Penis size makes me worried something is wrong DEARF DEIDRE: MY penis looks so small – like half of it is still inside me. I'm worried it's a micropenis. Recently I've also been finding it difficult to get an erection, and I'm worried something is wrong. I'm a 48-year-old single man, and I'm overweight, with a big 'beer belly', even though I don't drink beer. I've been trying to lose weight, and exercising by riding a bicycle. But when I sit on the saddle, it feels like I'm sitting on my penis. Although I've never been well-endowed, until recently I didn't think I was abnormally small down there. Is it possible to develop a micropenis as you age? It's been several years since I was involved with a woman. I'd quite like to have a relationship again. How can I even think about this when my penis is so tiny and doesn't work? This isn't something I can ask anyone about, as it's so embarrassing. What do I do? DEIDRE SAYS: You can't develop a micropenis, you're born with it. What's more likely is that your tummy is now hanging down over your penis, and also obscuring your view. You may also have more fat around your pubic area, which is why it feels uncomfortable when you cycle. It's admirable you're trying to lose weight. But it's a good idea for you to see your GP to get more help with this. Also please talk about your erection issues, as these can be a symptom of other health problems. My support packs, Solving Erection Problems, and Weight Worries, have more information about these issues. WORRIED SHE'S TURNING HIM INTO A MUMMY'S BOY DEAR DEIDRE: I'M very concerned that my sister and my nephew are far too close. They spend all their time together, and rely on each other for everything. They're more like partners than mother and son. I don't think this is normal for a teenage boy and his mum, and I'm worried. I'm 45 and my sister is 43. She's a single mum to a 14-year-old boy. His dad ran off when he was a toddler and has had no contact with him since. I used to think my sister was a great mum, totally devoted to her son. But lately, I've realised her relationship with him isn't healthy. They do everything together and she is fiercely protective of him. He should be out with his friends, becoming independent, even rebelling. Instead, he stays in with her. She calls him 'the man of the house', But he's just a kid. I fear he's never going to be able to leave home and live his own life. My sister has already said she doesn't ever want him to have a girlfriend. She's scared she'll lose him. I know if I say anything, she won't take it well. She'll probably blow up or stop talking to me. But for my nephew's sake, I feel I have to intervene. DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound like your sister has turned her son into a surrogate partner – and that isn't healthy. She may not mean to, but she's behaving selfishly, smothering him and stunting his development. He probably doesn't realise his mum is using him to meet her needs, but It's a form of emotional abuse. She needs to create boundaries – however she'll need support from you, and possibly a professional, to do this. Intervening is tricky. Before you say anything, consider talking in confidence to the NSPCC's helpline ( 0808 800 5000). You can remain anonymous. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to have a calm conversation with her.
Irish Independent
a day ago
- Irish Independent
Far-right Israeli minister berates jailed Palestinian leader in prison visit
Marwan Barghouti is serving five life sentences after being convicted of involvement in attacks at the height of the Palestinian uprising, or intifada, in the early 2000s. Polls consistently show he is the most popular Palestinian leader. Anyone who murders children, who murders women, we will wipe them out Itamar Ben-Gvir, Israel's national security minister He has rarely been seen since his arrest more than two decades ago. It was unclear when the video was taken, but it shows national security minister Itamar Ben-Gvir, known for staging provocative encounters with Palestinians, telling Barghouti that he will 'not win'. 'Anyone who messes with the people of Israel, anyone who murders our children, anyone who murders our women, we will wipe them out,' Mr Ben-Gvir said in the video. He repeated those words in a post on X in which he shared the footage. Mr Ben-Gvir's spokesman confirmed the visit and the video's authenticity, but denied that the minister was threatening Barghouti. Barghouti, now in his mid-60s, was a senior leader in President Mahmoud Abbas's secular Fatah movement during the intifada. Many Palestinians see him as a natural successor to the ageing and unpopular leader of the Palestinian Authority, which administers parts of the Israeli-occupied West Bank. Israel considers him a terrorist and has shown no sign it would release him. Perhaps a part of me does not want to acknowledge everything that your face and body shows, and what you and the prisoners have been through Fadwa Al Barghouthi, Marwan Barghouti's wife Hamas has demanded his release in exchange for hostages taken in the October 7 2023 attack that triggered the war in the Gaza Strip. In a Facebook post, Barghouti's wife said she could not recognise her husband, who appeared frail in the video. Still, she said after watching the video, he remained connected to the Palestinian people. 'Perhaps a part of me does not want to acknowledge everything that your face and body shows, and what you and the prisoners have been through,' wrote Fadwa Al Barghouthi, who spells their last name differently in English. Israeli officials say they have reduced the conditions under which Palestinians are held to the bare minimum allowed under Israeli and international law.
