How to be a better traveler: Etiquette tips for planes, houseguests and going abroad

San Francisco Chronicle​

18 hours ago

The story of travel, particularly by plane, has been one of constantly changing rules and escalating frustrations. This century has been shaped by 9/11 attacks and the COVID-19 pandemic, both of which forever changed how we move through places of transport.
But once you actually get somewhere, it's so worth it to leave your routine at home and immerse in another culture.
With that in mind, I spoke to etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts, author of 'A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette in a Post-Pandemic World,' about how to be a good traveler and guest in the 21st century.
Grotts, who is based in Healdsburg and worked in the San Francisco Office of Protocol, likes to remind people that travel is about sharing space.
'Travel isn't private,' she said. 'As such, you're required to be mindful. Every step of the journey — airports, airplanes, lobbies, crowded sidewalks — are shared space. We are constantly moving along with others.'
If you think this book isn't needed in 2025, Google 'bad airplane behavior,' 'misbehaving American tourist' or 'houseguest nightmare.'
No one wants to be the person who inconveniences locals or fellow travelers. But everyone should know how to tactfully handle those people should they encounter them on their journey.
How to be a good air traveler
When in an airport, Grotts advises to 'move with purpose.' That doesn't mean bulldoze people, but walk with a destination in mind and try to stay out of the way of anyone who looks like they're in a bigger hurry.
Also remember the rules of the road: The left side of the escalator and moving walkway is for passing.
Pay attention to the Transportation Security Administration agents. If they tell you to take off your shoes or take out your electronics or dump that bottle of water, don't try to negotiate.
And don't rush the gate at boarding.
'It's not like you're taking the last chopper out of Saigon,' said Grotts. 'Get to the gate when they call you.'
Once on the plane, politely acknowledge your seatmate — but remember, 'they're not your captive audience.' Take their social cues, Grotts said, like putting on headsets or sleep masks, which are clear signs they're interested in solitude.
It's also good plane manners to cede both armrests to the middle-seat holder.
'It's the least you can do for the worst seat,' she said.
How and when to tip
Tip hotel cleaning services daily, not a lump sum at the end of the trip.
Tipping drivers is something to factor into the cost of any ride. Usually 10%-20% for a private car will suffice.
Local tipping customs vary internationally, so Grotts encourages researching to figure out whether tip is included on bills.
When dining in some European countries like France or Italy, for instance, a service charge often covers the costs of table service. That means tipping 5%-10% is a bonus. That should also be the range for tipping in bars, taxis and hotels.
Asia's tipping culture is also different in each country. China, Myanmar, Singapore and Taiwan do not have a strong tipping culture, whereas hospitality workers in much of Southeast Asia — including Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia and Malaysia — are more likely to expect tips.
When in doubt: Overtipping only costs a few dollars more.
How to be a good guest in someone's home
Hostess gifts, something thoughtful they're not expected to share with you, are a must when staying in someone else's home. Grotts likes homemade items: jams, preserves, anything from your garden.
I'm also a believer in hosting them when you're out to meals and visiting places with them.
Above all, 'don't treat them like a bed and breakfast,' said Grotts.
Most importantly, do not overstay your welcome. Mark a clear departure date, and make sure your host is comfortable with the extent of your visit.
A few days after your departure, follow up with a handwritten thank-you note.
How to be a good guest in a different culture
You don't go through all the hassle of traveling to live life exactly as you do at home, so don't expect that when traveling elsewhere, Grotts said.
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable in a new country. You're going to stumble (like accidentally insulting a Belgian by thanking them in French), but when are you going to see these people again? Just try your best.
When in doubt, observe how the locals dress and behave in certain spaces.
'Learn the basics — hello, please, thank you, excuse me — in their language,' Grotts said. 'These are the words you should be using at home too. Your manners don't go on vacation when you do.'