
A police accordion and pray as you go
The barman was clearly concerned that his customer was rapidly becoming more pickled than your average supermarket gherkin. So he quietly suggested that the barfly might want to nibble on a sandwich, or perhaps nosh a bag of nuts, thus balancing out his intake of liquids with some solids.
The beer-guzzling geezer dismissed this idea with a contemptuous shake of the head, then said: 'Dinnae hink so, pal. Ye ken wit they say. Never eat on an empty stomach.'
Where you at?
Glasgow author Deedee Cuddihy was visiting Edinburgh and overheard a brief exchange in Princes Street between a mum and her young daughter, who was about nine or ten years old.
"It's Princes Street, not Princess Street," said mum.
Daughter fought back doughtily, and proclaimed: "Well, Princess Street is much nicer, and I think it should be changed."
David Donaldson spotted this car parked in Westbourne Gardens. 'I imagine it belongs to a family who are more than a little pro Scottish independence,' he muses. (Image: David Donaldson)
At a stretch
A Dundee-based friend of Bruce Walker is romancing a gal who is based in London, so our reader asked how the long-distance relationship was progressing.
Unsurprisingly, Bruce's chum replied: 'So far, so good.'
Pointed question
The Diary is exceedingly knowledgeable when it comes to the theatrical scene, though we've still not figured out why Godot didn't just ping over a text to explain that he'd be arriving a wee bit late.
Another artsy question we're struggling with is provided by classical dance fan, Nicola Munro, who asks: 'Does a skinny ballerina wear a one-one?'
Mind your language
Our readers are celebrating those bright sparks who are not content with commonplace dictionary definitions, and instead prefer to use the English lingo in fresh and exotic ways.
Brian Collie recalls a pal of his dad who arrived late for work then breathlessly explained to his colleagues that Renfield Street was closed as 'the polis had thrown an accordion around the building.'
Communication breakdown
Since Donald Trump shockingly suggested he would make an excellent Pope the Diary has been examining faith in its many guises.
Ian Barnett had difficulty getting a phone signal at church last Sunday and complained to the Minister.
"I get a great signal" replied the man of the cloth. "I use pray as you go"
Cold comfort
Munchy musings from reader Andrea Howell: 'If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?'

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Western Telegraph
4 minutes ago
- Western Telegraph
Charles joined by David Beckham and Meryl Streep to celebrate award winners
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Scotsman
21 minutes ago
- Scotsman
Edinburgh duo aim to bring home double national pageant crowns in historic first
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Now in its second year, the Miss Great Britain Edinburgh organisation has enjoyed outstanding success at the national final, with last year's representative Ava Morgan crowned the overall winner against more than 60 delegates. Kay added: 'Last year, Ava Morgan made history by becoming the first ever Miss Great Britain Edinburgh to go on and win the national Miss Great Britain title, bringing the crown back to Scotland. 'Now, with Jennifer following directly in Ava's footsteps, there's a real chance we could see it happen again, and for the first time in the competition's 80-year history, we could see both the Miss and Ms Great Britain titles come from the same region. 'With two such inspiring, determined and capable women flying the flag for Edinburgh, I truly believe this could be a landmark year not just for Scotland, but for the entire Miss Great Britain organisation.' To find out more about Miss and Ms Great Britain Edinburgh, follow them on Instagram or email: [email protected] The Miss Great Britain grand finals take place Friday, October 17, and will crown three winners – Miss Great Britain, Ms Great Britain and Ms Great Britain Classic. 1 . Contributed Samantha Masuku has been crowned Ms Great Britain Edinburgh (credit - Brian Hayes) Photo: Submitted Photo Sales 2 . Contributed Jennifer Winter has been crowned Miss Great Britain Edinburgh (credit - Brian Hayes) Photo: Submitted Photo Sales 3 . Contributed Samantha and Jennifer with last year's regional winners, Mouveen Sharma (L) and Miss Great Britain, Ava Morgan (R) Photo: Submitted Photo Sales 4 . Contributed The finalists raised more than £10,000 for Cancer Research UK and A-Sisterhood (credit - Brian Hayes) Photo: Submitted Photo Sales Related topics: Edinburgh


Edinburgh Reporter
22 minutes ago
- Edinburgh Reporter
Filmhouse announce one of the opening films
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