A police accordion and pray as you go
The barman was clearly concerned that his customer was rapidly becoming more pickled than your average supermarket gherkin. So he quietly suggested that the barfly might want to nibble on a sandwich, or perhaps nosh a bag of nuts, thus balancing out his intake of liquids with some solids.
The beer-guzzling geezer dismissed this idea with a contemptuous shake of the head, then said: 'Dinnae hink so, pal. Ye ken wit they say. Never eat on an empty stomach.'
Where you at?
Glasgow author Deedee Cuddihy was visiting Edinburgh and overheard a brief exchange in Princes Street between a mum and her young daughter, who was about nine or ten years old.
"It's Princes Street, not Princess Street," said mum.
Daughter fought back doughtily, and proclaimed: "Well, Princess Street is much nicer, and I think it should be changed."
David Donaldson spotted this car parked in Westbourne Gardens. 'I imagine it belongs to a family who are more than a little pro Scottish independence,' he muses. (Image: David Donaldson)
At a stretch
A Dundee-based friend of Bruce Walker is romancing a gal who is based in London, so our reader asked how the long-distance relationship was progressing.
Unsurprisingly, Bruce's chum replied: 'So far, so good.'
Pointed question
The Diary is exceedingly knowledgeable when it comes to the theatrical scene, though we've still not figured out why Godot didn't just ping over a text to explain that he'd be arriving a wee bit late.
Another artsy question we're struggling with is provided by classical dance fan, Nicola Munro, who asks: 'Does a skinny ballerina wear a one-one?'
Mind your language
Our readers are celebrating those bright sparks who are not content with commonplace dictionary definitions, and instead prefer to use the English lingo in fresh and exotic ways.
Brian Collie recalls a pal of his dad who arrived late for work then breathlessly explained to his colleagues that Renfield Street was closed as 'the polis had thrown an accordion around the building.'
Communication breakdown
Since Donald Trump shockingly suggested he would make an excellent Pope the Diary has been examining faith in its many guises.
Ian Barnett had difficulty getting a phone signal at church last Sunday and complained to the Minister.
"I get a great signal" replied the man of the cloth. "I use pray as you go"
Cold comfort
Munchy musings from reader Andrea Howell: 'If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?'
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mirror
21 minutes ago
- Daily Mirror
'Matilda cake' launches in Tesco but chocolate fans hesitate over price
A 24-layer sweet treat inspired by Bruce Bogtrotter's cake in the classic children's book and film, Matilda, was launched in Tesco recently, but many fans cannot get past the price Chocolate fans are buzzing after spotting a delicious chocolate cake that resembles the iconic cake from book and film Matilda. We all remember when Bruce Bogtrotter was caught stealing a slice of scary head teacher Miss Trunchbull's chocolate cake - and, as punishment, was forced to chomp through an entire 18-inch cake. The sweet treat has become well-known and many people have tried to recreate their own versions at home. But if you are not a great baker, or simply don't have the time or equipment, brands and bakeries have also recreated their own versions of the famous cake. Leeds-based bakery Baked released a 24-inch layered cake named Bertha in London's Fortnum Mason earlier this year. And now, Tesco has brought out a 'Matilda cake' that you can pick up in stores nationwide. However, some people are concerned about how much it costs. Created by Lancashire's Studio Bakery, it is a 24-layer chocolate treat featuring 'scrumptious all-butter sponge made with dark chocolate, layered and covered in luscious chocolate ganache,' according to Tesco's website. It is also said be "fantastic" when served hot, if you warm it up in the microwave for 30-40 seconds. Studio Bakery said: "Our chocolate Matilda cake is a 24-layer love letter to chocolate in all its fudgy, gooey glory. Every slice is hand-cut, hand-finished, and properly decadent, making it perfect for parties, birthdays, or a solo moment of glory with a spoon and zero regrets." The product is said to served 10 people, but many chocolate lovers cannot get past its £16 price tag. It comes after @johns_snackreviews on Instagram shared a post and said: "NEW Matilda Cake by the Studio Bakery! Out now at Tesco for £16!" "16 quid for cake! No ta," commented one. "£16. Is it worth that price?" added another. One other said: "Omg need, but £16?" Meanwhile, after @newsfoodspotteruk shared a video of the cake online, one commented: "Bruce Bogtrotter is on his way to Tesco." One other insisted it looks "unreal". The product is available online or in Tesco stores. Tesco has been contacted for a comment. In other food news, for everyone who's ever been disappointed by soggy sweet potato fries, a food influencer known as Pinch of Mint has got you covered with a special trick to ensure they come out irresistibly crispy. Plus, Jaffa Cake fans have issued a complaint after spotting a difference in taste of the iconic McVities treats. Will you be rushing to pick up a box of the viral cake? Comment below.
The Herald Scotland
26 minutes ago
- The Herald Scotland
Unknown poem by 'titanic figure' found in a box of junk
Inside they discovered a handwritten draft of Address to the Town-Council of Edinburgh, which is now expected to fetch £800-1,200 at the GWA Summer Two Day Fine Art & Antiques Auction on June 13 and 14. It runs only to the fourteenth line of the poem, with the other pages presumed lost. Read More: Ramsay transformed the role of the Scots language in Scottish Literature, introduced the term 'Doric', founded or co-founded the first subscription library in the British Isles, the first art school in Scotland and one of the country's first theatres, and was one of the first Romantic song collectors, as well as a key player in the Enlightenment. The first ever comprehensive scholarly edition of Ramsay's works, the six-volume Edinburgh Edition, published 2022-24, stated that there was no manuscript copy of the Address known to exist. Valuer Tommy Alexander said: "Prior to now, no manuscript copy of Allan Ramsay's Address to the Town-Council of Edinburgh was known to exist. A man holding up the poem by Allan Ramsay (Image: Supplied) "This significant literary historical discovery sheds new light on his compositional process, as in the seventh line of the poem we can see Ramsay revising his original word choice (unrecorded prior to now). Ramsay penned the Address as an appeal to the City Council, that they legislate against the pirating of his works. "This they duly did, decreeing that vendors of Ramsay's verse were to retain only one third of their profits, with the majority share payable to Ramsay. Of interest here is the format in which Ramsay presents his poem, that of a letter literally addressed to named members of the Council. It may be the case that it was the receipt of this very document that prompted their intervention. "Allan Ramsay was a titanic figure in the early Scottish Enlightenment. As a poet and playwright, as well as a collector of verse, he did much to crystalise the Scottish literary tradition. His influence can be strongly felt through the work of subsequent writers, among them Burns, Fergusson and Scott. "The manuscript was found in complete obscurity, bundled together with miscellaneous ephemera and unframed artworks, consigned from a local house clearance." Also up for auction at the two-day event is the painting Crucifiction by renowned Australian artist Roy De Maistre. The signed oil on canvas work once hung in Iona Abbey, having been bought by the community directly from the artist, and is expected to fetch over £10,000. Other items include a Chinese silk robe bought for a few pounds on Vinted, and a painting about Saint Mungo.
Scottish Sun
35 minutes ago
- Scottish Sun
TV viewers in almost 100 areas warned of channels going black this week – and a common fix does NOT work
See below for the full list of areas due to be hit WATCH OUT TV viewers in almost 100 areas warned of channels going black this week – and a common fix does NOT work TELLY viewers in 100 areas across the UK face blackouts this week - and a common fix won't work to restore the problem. Digital television platform Freeview is embarking on planned engineering works on their transmitters. Advertisement 2 Digital television platform Freeview is embarking on engineering works Credit: Getty 2 Freeview logo Credit: Wikipedia The nationwide endeavour will impact viewers from Dover to the tips of the Scottish highlands. In a number of areas there will be pixelation or flickering on some or all channels. However, in some regions viewers could be left with a black screen when trying to watch their favourite shows. When faced with signal disruption, a common fix is to rescan your TV or set-top box to update the channel list. Advertisement That is frequently done following a change in broadcast frequencies or when you've moved house. However, Freeview have told customers that rescanning their box or retuning their TV while the engineering work is ongoing will not solve the image issues. Freeview said: "Sometimes engineering work is required on transmitters so that they can keep reliably broadcasting your favourite free-to-air programmes. "If you are affected by engineering work, please don't try and retune your TV - reception will be restored as soon as the engineering work is completed." Advertisement For viewers who are worried about missing out on their favourite shows, Freeview have complied a handy guide on how to watch them online. Freeview customers can watch their favourite shows online via the TV Guide on the Freeview website. Unassuming corner shop was seen by millions on classic 70s sitcom - but would you recognise it? And if you're not sure what transmitter your household get your signal from, you can put your postcode into the Detailed Transmitter Information tool to check. Below is a full list of all the regions set to be hit by the engineering updates: Advertisement
