Latest news with #DeedeeCuddihy
The Herald Scotland
19-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Foxed by Eurovision and a shoe paradox
An opportunity for the continent of Europe to flush out of its system all the corniest and most deranged tunes written so far this year, as a cacophony of caterwaulers yelped and yodelled in Switzerland. Reader Sue Paxton watched the show on telly, along with her 10 year old daughter, plus Sue's mum, who happened to be visiting for the weekend. Just before the proceedings began, Sue mentioned that the shindig was taking place in Basel. 'Basil?' said her mum, perhaps not entirely focused on the topic of discussion. 'Isn't that the fox in the waistcoat?' Sue's daughter was shocked by this comment. 'Gran!' she scolded. 'Foxes don't wear waistcoats. You should know that.' Dry humour The hot and arid weather is making an impact, with Scottish Water urging people to use less of their liquidy stuff by taking brief showers and avoiding the use of hoses. However, the firm stopped short of calling for a full prohibition on hosepipes. Reader David Donaldson says it's not so much an outright ban as a… 'Gonnae no spray that.' What's the skinny? The Diary recently repeated the useful maxim 'never trust an electrician with no eyebrows', which reminds Jim Pairman from Scone of another sound slice of advice: 'Never trust a thin chef.' : Deedee Cuddihy spotted this number plate on Byres Road and concludes that even the motorcars are starting to wilt and wail about the weather (Image: Deedee Cuddihy) Child's play We mentioned above that one of our correspondents tuned into the Eurovision Song Contest. Imagine our surprise to discover that ANOTHER correspondent also watched the show. (Were all the pubs shut on Saturday evening?) After reader Jennifer Hobson's husband had endured the British entry, he gave a backhanded compliment to the song… 'Bet that would be popular in a primary school disco,' he said. Double trouble Sweet toothed reader Jeremy Hobson was in a café, enjoying a bun and cuppa. He likes to heap six teaspoons of sugar in his tea, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the eagle-eyed waitress, who watched him loading up, mouth agape, then cheekily asked: 'Dae ye want me to bring some sugar tae go with yer sugar?' Footering about The other day reader Stevie Campbell was chatting with a pal about the delights of footwear, and happened to say: "I feel as if I've owned my new shoes for a lifetime." "Is that not a paradox?" enquired his pal. 'No,' corrected Stevie, 'it's a pair of Docs." Size matters Excitable reader Gary Henderson tells us: 'I love hyperbole more than anybody else in the world does.'
The Herald Scotland
12-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
An acronym with a rather different usage in Glasgow
Reader Bert Houliston worked with a chap from Irvine who was a film buff, and regularly visited the Glasgow Film Theatre to watch arty and classic flicks. As Diary readers will be aware, the cinema in question is referred to by the abbreviation GFT. 'However, my colleague never quite got it right,' says Bert. 'The G was always first, but he transposed the next two letters, resulting in an acronym with a rather different usage in Glasgow…' Downhill racer There was a time when former Scottish footy star Duncan Ferguson was known for his physicality on the pitch. When he clattered into a player on a rival team they stayed clattered… and sometimes they were more splattered than clattered. However, as Chaz Darwin pointed out, people are apt to evolve, even Big Dunc. Nowadays he's more cerebral than Cerberus, and has authored a book upon a subject about which he has a great deal of expertise… himself. The scrapper turned scholar recently discussed his reckless younger self, and admitted that his biggest regret was 'touching the booze'. Stevie Campbell from Hamilton has a great deal of sympathy, and says: 'I've had a few unsavoury moments on the swally, myself. 'My biggest regret, however, is leaving the womb. It's been all downhill since then.' Read more: Browned off It is common knowledge that Scottish people are the most attractive in the world. On the tropical beach in summertime we're invariably the recipient of jealous jibes, as the citizens of less gorgeous nations glare covetously at our ginger hair, rash-red skin and zits. What's less well known is the amount of diligence and care that goes into maintaining your average Scottish Adonis or Aphrodite. For example, reader David Morrow visited the pharmacist and overheard a member of staff telling her colleagues that her sunburnt skin had now peeled off, 'but the worst bit is that my fake tan came off too'. Deedee Cuddihy was in Whiteinch, and came across this car number plate. She's not sure if it's meant to be an ebullient and friendly explosion of laughter, or perhaps the more threatening: 'Haw, you…' (Image: Deedee Cuddihy) Talking balls Generous Emily Collins gave her husband a stress ball for his birthday, leading him to ask: 'Is this for chucking at people who annoy me?' Train of thought Perusing the TV channels to see if there was anything that would ease him relatively painlessly through the evening, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village noticed a documentary titled: New Zealand by Train. 'Wow,' thought Ian, 'how long will that take from Carstairs?' Size matters "I've a new hobby,' says reader Barry Houghton. 'I flick through boxes of After Eight mints pretending I'm a giant DJ."
The Herald Scotland
08-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
A police accordion and pray as you go
The barman was clearly concerned that his customer was rapidly becoming more pickled than your average supermarket gherkin. So he quietly suggested that the barfly might want to nibble on a sandwich, or perhaps nosh a bag of nuts, thus balancing out his intake of liquids with some solids. The beer-guzzling geezer dismissed this idea with a contemptuous shake of the head, then said: 'Dinnae hink so, pal. Ye ken wit they say. Never eat on an empty stomach.' Where you at? Glasgow author Deedee Cuddihy was visiting Edinburgh and overheard a brief exchange in Princes Street between a mum and her young daughter, who was about nine or ten years old. "It's Princes Street, not Princess Street," said mum. Daughter fought back doughtily, and proclaimed: "Well, Princess Street is much nicer, and I think it should be changed." David Donaldson spotted this car parked in Westbourne Gardens. 'I imagine it belongs to a family who are more than a little pro Scottish independence,' he muses. (Image: David Donaldson) At a stretch A Dundee-based friend of Bruce Walker is romancing a gal who is based in London, so our reader asked how the long-distance relationship was progressing. Unsurprisingly, Bruce's chum replied: 'So far, so good.' Pointed question The Diary is exceedingly knowledgeable when it comes to the theatrical scene, though we've still not figured out why Godot didn't just ping over a text to explain that he'd be arriving a wee bit late. Another artsy question we're struggling with is provided by classical dance fan, Nicola Munro, who asks: 'Does a skinny ballerina wear a one-one?' Mind your language Our readers are celebrating those bright sparks who are not content with commonplace dictionary definitions, and instead prefer to use the English lingo in fresh and exotic ways. Brian Collie recalls a pal of his dad who arrived late for work then breathlessly explained to his colleagues that Renfield Street was closed as 'the polis had thrown an accordion around the building.' Communication breakdown Since Donald Trump shockingly suggested he would make an excellent Pope the Diary has been examining faith in its many guises. Ian Barnett had difficulty getting a phone signal at church last Sunday and complained to the Minister. "I get a great signal" replied the man of the cloth. "I use pray as you go" Cold comfort Munchy musings from reader Andrea Howell: 'If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?'
