The 10 commandments of football fan etiquette – and what not to do

Telegraph

a day ago

A new season usually brings new rules, but some things about football should never change. This is not a rebuke to the changes coming to the sport from this weekend, including the notion that only captains are allowed to speak to referees. We give that one about six weeks.
Instead it is time to re-state the expectations for match-attending fans. Arrests are down and incidents of racist abuse, while depressingly common online, are thankfully rare within stadiums. Going to football has probably never been safer. But has it ever been so irritating?
Attending a match now forces you to ponder the great post-pandemic adjustments of public behaviour. Like a train carriage soundtracked by people FaceTiming on loudspeaker, or inexplicably queueing to be served at pubs, a great number of people simply have no idea how to conduct themselves. The codes of the stadium have long been self-evident, common sense. Many are in danger of being forgotten.
In that spirit, here are the 10 commandments of watching football in person:
1. Thou shalt gauge the mood
If your ticket is in a raucous spot of the ground where the singing starts you cannot reasonably complain about shouting. If in a more sedate area, take your cues on chanting volume and regularity from those around you. If most people are standing, do not cross your arms in a huff and whinge about sightlines. If most are sitting and you insist on standing, you are showing yourself up and have earned the loud bloke behind you telling you to 'sit daaahn!'.
2. Thou shalt consider personal hygiene
Entire Saturdays have been marred by nearby armpits and halitosis. Don't be that guy. And yes, it's always a guy.
3. Thou shalt be mindful of colours
It is the height of fan rudeness to watch a smaller club while wearing the emblem of your 'real' Premier League team, even if only on a hat or scarf. It is completely crass if undercover in the home end watching your team away. Realistically this is unlikely to lead to violence if you keep your voice down, but it is still needlessly provocative. No exemption for children either, they can manage an afternoon at Tranmere without their Liverpool coat.
4. Thou shalt not whinge about things which are not hugely important
Food selection worse than a petrol station? Hand dryers not very powerful? Seats not very comfortable? It is a football ground, not a business-class lounge. Get over it.
5. Thou shalt not behave like a herbert
Fine to be drunk, fine to be rowdy but no excuse for ruining anyone's afternoon. Tone it down if there are children nearby. It is distinctly uncool to scream vitriolic abuse at your own players. But you are allowed to choose one swear word from the top shelf and shout it at an opposition player or referee and really mean it, once per season. Use it wisely.
6. Thou shalt not loudly discuss either fantasy football or your 'acca'
Always, always, always the most tedious conversation imaginable. Unacceptable to be more interested in games taking place on your phone rather than in front of your eyes.
7. Thou shalt not turn an entire game into content
The ship has sailed for crowds filming notable moments (penalties, goal celebrations, Leny Yoro warming up nearby), but it is still a bleak sight seeing people 'performing' into their phones during standard passages of play. Especially when hamming up reactions to TikTok-ian proportions. Give it a rest.
8. Thou shalt not look at your phone at all
This is my new season's resolution. I have missed one too many goals gazing vacantly at something irrelevant during a break in play which held my interest after the game restarted. This reached a nadir at Harrogate vs Grimsby in April when I missed the following goal while looking at… can't remember. Because look at this goal:
Shameful. Never again.
9. Thou shalt arrive on time and not leave early (75 per cent of the time)
You are permitted one of the following per match: arriving late for kick-off, exiting before half-time, arriving late for the second half or leaving before full time. No crime to be caught up by factors which can delay arrival: traffic, troublesome turnstiles, delicious, watered-down £6 plastic-bottled lager. No crime to get ahead of the bar queue at half-time, or the crowd when leaving. But pick one, forcing everyone in your row to stand up is a drag.
10. Thou shalt live and let live
Despite these judgemental rules, the appeal of watching live football comes from its ability to unite disparate people behind something fundamentally absurd. Those who go to games are in it together, and have more in common with rival match-attending fans than those who consume primarily on TV. Try not to become too angry about the eccentricities and irritations of the people around you. Communal experiences can never be perfect.