Many boomers are open to passing on an early inheritance — but their adult kids are too afraid to ask

Business Insider

04-07-2025

Two financial phenomena are happening at once: Millennials are increasingly putting off having kids, or having fewer than they'd prefer, due to financial reasons. At the same time, boomers are expected to pass down the greatest wealth transfer in history.
So what happens when millennials get an inheritance after it's too late to really change their lives' trajectory?
"There are people right now who are just not having families because they worry about the money, and then someday they're going to be 55 and inherit a shitload of money from their parents. The time to have a family will be over, and they'll be wildly rich," Adam Harding, a financial planner based in Arizona, told Business Insider, calling it a "sad development" but not a surprising one.
Boomers have increasingly expressed interest in passing down an earlier inheritance to their children. Several who have done it previously told BI that they felt their adult kids could use the money now, while they are still in the earlier phases of building a family and career. Others are open to the idea but may not know how to start or if they're in a financial position to do so, and their adult children are too afraid to ask.
A Senior Living survey published in February that included over 2,400 American adults found that 70% of parents expected to leave an inheritance to their children when they die. Of that group, 76% indicated they'd be open to considering passing down that inheritance early.Despite the interest in passing on wealth prior to their death, only 8% of respondents said they had actually done it. Meanwhile, only 4% of adults said they had asked their parents for early inheritance.
Financial planner Stoy Hall told BI many Americans who would like to pass on wealth just aren't sure if they can actually afford to do it. They're trying to make sure they have enough to live on without knowing what their future costs might be, while also trying to figure out what they can pass down.
Compounding the problem, he said, is that "we don't talk about money enough in America." Because talking about money is so taboo, he said parents and their adult children struggle to understand how the other is doing financially and what their needs look like.
"Most kids don't know how much their parents do have or don't have," he said, adding that "makes it harder."
Harding said part of the reason baby boomers are hesitant to part with their wealth is that for much of the generation, it did not come quickly to them but was saved over a lifetime. They were also raised by Depression-era, cost-conscious parents.
"They grew up prudent and they got rich a little bit at a time," he said. "They're just so accustomed to always seeing the number get bigger that they feel uncomfortable seeing it go the other direction."
For boomers who want to help their kids but struggle to part with their wealth, he said getting a clear hold on their finances can help. A third party, like a financial planner, can help assess how much they're able to give, even factoring in the potential costs of assisted living and other expenses.
Adult kids need to get their own finances in order first
Harding agrees that families need to have more open conversations to address these discrepancies between what parents have and what their adult kids need. But in addition to the parents, their children need to understand their finances as well.
He said it's a lot easier for someone to ask for help from their parents if they've got their own finances in order, as opposed to someone who's a spendthrift.
"Get your own house in order without having received help first," he said.
That doesn't necessarily mean getting your student loans or mortgage fully paid off, but rather demonstrating that you have a plan for paying them off, a plan for saving, and specific financial goals that you are actively working toward.
What the boomers don't want to do, he said, is gift $20,000 just so their adult kid can go to Europe a few times a year. Instead, they should have a detailed financial plan that lays out how much they are trying to save and for what purpose, whether it's to own a home or afford to have another baby.
While parting with wealth can be psychologically challenging, Harding recommends parents think about why they have focused on accumulating wealth in the first place. For many of his clients, the reason is to provide for their family, so why not provide when the money will do the most good?
And even from a selfish standpoint, he said, giving early so you can have another grandchild seems like a pretty good way to spend your money.
Do you have a story to share about passing down or inheriting wealth? Contact this reporter at [e-mail].