Family Member Threatening to 'Ruin' Vacation Over Sleeping Arrangements Backed

Newsweek

14-05-2025

Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources.
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A woman who refused to sleep on a couch with her boyfriend during a family vacation is winning overwhelming support online, despite accusations from her mother that she is "ruining" the trip by opting for more private lodging.
In a post that has garnered more than 3,300 comments within a day on Reddit, the 24-year-old woman explained, as user TweakinC4t, that her extended family planned a large summer vacation in a rental house organized by her aunt, who initially believed the property had six bedrooms.
However, the booking turned out to include only five. Those were assigned to her parents, two sets of cousins and their spouses, and one for the cousins' children—leaving the woman and her boyfriend without a room.
The original poster's family suggested they sleep on a pullout couch in the living room, a public area she said would deprive them of privacy, quiet and basic comfort.
Stock image: Woman looking annoyed at phone.
Stock image: Woman looking annoyed at phone.
Prostock-Studio/iStock/Getty Images Plus
"I would rather not sleep on a couch even if it does pull out," the woman told sympathetic Redditors.
"I also don't want to make my boyfriend sleep on the couch with me either for his own privacy."
The OP added that she would feel uncomfortable changing in front of others, storing her belongings in another person's bedroom, or disrupting others by using shared spaces as makeshift living quarters.
'I want my privacy'
Rather than decline the trip outright, she offered two compromises: either skip the vacation entirely, or book a nearby Airbnb for her and her boyfriend, while still participating in all group activities and covering her share of the main house rental.
"My mom refused both options as I will 'ruin' the trip if I don't stay under the same roof," the OP said.
"If I get my own place to stay it would SOLELY be to sleep. I plan to be with my family at all other times and events.
"I don't care about the price of only getting an Airbnb just to sleep. I want my privacy."
Reddit contributors flooded the thread with support and had questions for the OP.
A user asked, "Isn't it some universal law that kids are the first to be kicked out of beds and onto couches/floors? They should pack sleeping bags and tell the kids it'll be a grand fun sleepover party."
Another person agreed that the woman's own personal space is important, adding, "If anyone should be in the living room it's the kids."
Others shared similar experiences with relatives who insist on group lodging arrangements.
"My mom is like this," lamented a commentator.
"She got mad I wanted to get a hotel room. She even got mad when I chose to stay at my cousin's house which was 20 minutes away. I don't listen to her and sleep where I want."
'Gentle ways' to set limits
Melanie McCabe, a licensed psychologist and founder of RDU Therapy in North Carolina, told Newsweek that traveling with family can be a special time—especially when everyone agrees on the plans, "But as children grow into adults, family roles and routines can shift. This can be a time of growth, but it can also feel confusing or even painful."
McCabe said that when personal "limits" change, it may cause some tension in a family. Saying "no" to family—even kindly—can feel uncomfortable, she continued.
"You might worry that others will think you're being selfish, or that you're acting differently. But setting a limit is often a healthy, respectful choice for yourself and your relationships.
"Setting limits and holding them can help you maintain self-respect and will help you avoid holding on to animosity that can come up from going out of your comfort zone for the sake of others."
McCabe offered some "gentle ways" to set a limit:
"I know this trip means a lot to you. I'd love to join if we can meet some of my needs too—like having a private room and bathroom. I'm happy to pay my part."
"I'd love to be there with you. I can't make the week you suggested because of work, but I'd be glad to come the week before, or after if that works for you."
The psychologist told Newsweek that sometimes, when someone sets a limit, a family member may react negatively, such as by blaming or name-calling.
"If that happens, take a break," McCabe said.
"You can leave the conversation, take time to calm down and then decide what you want to do next. That might mean continuing the conversation later, choosing not to go on the trip, or—if the situation is very harmful—deciding to limit or stop contact."
'The last thing you need'
Travel expert Wendy Perrin has advised that private space is essential to a functional group vacation.
"The last thing you need is a bed configuration that means one family member... can't sleep," Perrin wrote in a column on family travel.
"A house rental provides more space and beds," she added, but when it lacks hotel-style privacy or infrastructure, "One parent spends way too much time doing household chores."
'Life lessons'
Back on Reddit, users generally praised the woman's approach: "You're being mature and respectful," one summed up on behalf of many.
"If they don't see that, that's on them."
The OP replied to a comment in thread that she was learning to stand up for herself more and more over the years.
"I grew up with strict parents and had to sneak around a bunch. Learning lots of new life lessons and setting my boundaries."
Newsweek has contacted TweakinC4t for comment via Reddit.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via [e-mail]. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work, and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, click here.