Confessions From Secret Relationships: What Happened

Buzz Feed

a day ago

Not all love stories are designed to be flaunted on Instagram. Some of the most thrilling romances actually are better served outside of the public eye.
Some of the most exciting and memorable romances are often messy, complicated, and hidden behind locked screens and whispered phone calls. And despite how convoluted it could get, they leave a lasting impression, for better or for worse.
Whether it was a forbidden office romance, a love affair that crossed cultural lines, or a situationship that never made it to 'Instagram official,' people have found themselves in secret relationships for way longer than they ever planned.
I recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to spill the tea on the relationships they kept under wraps — and their stories range from heartbreaking to jaw-dropping. From being someone's 'dirty little secret' to uncovering the truth about why the secrecy started in the first place, these confessions will have you side-eyeing your situationship real quick.
Note: Some submissions have been taken from this Reddit thread.
"I'm still not ready to tell my kids about my girlfriend. However, I'm sure they suspect, as my ex has made several off-hand comments about me dating again."
"I am in one right now. It's not a total secret, my friends know her and like her, but I've been keeping it from my mom, the most important person in the world to me, and it's really hard."
"My mom lives in the Bay Area, and I split my time between there and LA depending on my work schedule. A couple of months ago, I met a girl, J, at a bar in Hollywood, and we had an instant connection. She makes me so happy, and I feel like I am falling in love. But I can't share that happiness with my mom. We talk on the phone every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and when I first met J, I told my mom I had made a new friend. She told me not to get involved romantically because I would be coming back to the Bay Area soon and should focus my attention on a guy in the Bay that I had expressed interest in a while ago. I told her I couldn't make any promises about that, and she said, 'Do what you want, but I don't want to hear about it.' I agreed. Fast forward a couple of weeks: I stayed the night at J's house, and my mom called me at 7 a.m. because she had checked my location and saw that I wasn't at my apartment. I told her I was at a friend's house, and when she asked who, I told the truth. She started freaking out, so I insisted it was platonic. She made me promise, and I lied to her. Since then, my feelings for J have only gotten deeper, and I have been lying to my mom on a daily basis about what I am doing and who I am with. It makes me feel like a terrible person, but I'm scared that if I come clean, she will never forgive me."—Anonymous, 25, Los Angeles
"When I was 32, I had a brief affair with a friend. His wife was bi and had recently moved in with her girlfriend. It appeared to all of us that the friend and his wife were going to make the separation permanent (the friend certainly thought so)."
"After we'd been together about a month, the friend's wife took notice. After three months had passed, she decided she wanted to keep her husband after all and came back. I was offered the chance to stay, too, if I agreed to be shared by both of them. I declined, and eventually moved far away. I found them a couple of years ago on Facebook. They're still together. I didn't contact them."—Anonymous, 63, Arizona
"She tried flirting with him, and he was friendly but didn't seem interested. She kinda gave up after that, but whenever we were there, she would bring up how hot he is. About a month later, I was there without her, and I noticed he kept looking my way, so I made eye contact and smiled. By the end of the night, we were flirting and exchanged numbers. It was really exciting having to keep him a secret, I got a thrill from going to the bar and pretending I didn't know him and having other guys try to hit on me in front of him."
"One night, she was pretty drunk at the bar and went up to him and asked him if he wanted to go home with her. He ended up telling her that he has been eyeing me. He wanted an actual relationship, and I used my friend as an excuse to avoid that, but she told him that he needs to make the first move.. I got bored because it wasn't a secret anymore, so I ended it. Don't worry, this was in my early 20s, and I've since gone to therapy."—Anonymous, 31
"When I was in my early 20s, I worked at a country club. I was always at the front desk as the membership rep. One day, an older man came in with his wife; he brought the VIP package, so I was doing my best to make him happy. He took a liking to me, and soon enough, we were sneaking away every chance we got."
"I only broke things off when at a party for the club, I heard him telling some of his male friends that they could have a turn with me. My best friend was livid when she found out, but since she worked at the club too, she did little things to ruin his time there. Being young and dumb doesn't excuse what I did, but it is a great way of explaining how stupid I was."—Anonymous, 30, South Carolina
"I once started dating a guy from work. We kept it on the DL because we didn't want anyone there to know. He was also recently divorced. I basically moved in with him, and we spent 24/7 together for several months. However, he was always paranoid about me being seen on the ring camera or leaving things around the house when visitors came."
"He said his ex was crazy and still had access to the cameras through an app. I started getting suspicious, but I'd met some of his friends and was young and naive, so I believed that to be true. Fast forward a few months, and he gets relocated for work…to where his ex lives. I found out on Facebook a year later that they're still married. We had called it off once he moved, but I was the side chick while they were long-distance and truly had no idea. Moral of the story - listen to your gut!!"—Anonymous, 29, Nevada
"I was 17 and he was 20."
"When I was 21, I started seeing a 30-year-old. My mom was super religious, and I still lived at home, so I would sneak out when she went to bed to go to his place. We had a rule of no sleepovers; we both didn't want a relationship, and I think he was afraid I would get confused if I spent the night. He was the first one to show me what it's like to have a man cater to me and put my pleasure before their own. He helped me find my voice and be confident when it came to asking for what I want and letting a guy know what didn't feel good. Looking back, the age gap is a bit too much at that age, but I am thankful for him. He was really respectful and attentive."
—Anonymous
"My secret relationship is the necessary kind as opposed to the fun and exciting kind. I'm a trans man, and my partner is still in the closet. We're both bisexual, but he's never gone public about his relationships and sexual encounters with men, while I've been openly bisexual since I was 13."
"It was a hot, messy, scandalous affair."
"He was a successful and celebrated musician. We both were in relationships with other people. We genuinely loved each other and probably wished that it could be something more 'normal', but life didn't work like that. It was the kind of relationship that caused a buzz of electricity when we were in a room together, and everyone could feel it. He died unexpectedly, going on six years now. The day after he died, I was at a cemetery caring for a loved one's grave. I could sense the weight of it all, and at that moment, a car with a personalized plate drove by. The plate said 'LOVU4EVR' and I believe it."—Anonymous, 52, Canada
"20 years after high school, a girl I knew then reached out and asked me to lunch. She told me how successful she and her husband were, and how wonderful their family was. Within 2 weeks, she caught him cheating and was over at my place doing things best not mentioned at meals. This went on for over 10 years. Once she and her husband finally split up, there was no more fun in our secret. She hooked up with the first guy that talked to her, and I retired. Everyone is happy. Even the cuckold."
—Anonymous, 53, Denver
"At first, it's fun and incredibly exciting! Sneaking around, stealing kisses, and spontaneous rendezvous for some action. Then basically, all your friends catch on since it's impossible not to be somewhat obvious. On top of that, people in a secret relationship normally can't keep their mouths shut and tell one person, making them swear not to tell anyone, but they will.
"Overall, it's an awesome charade that can become pretty fulfilling, and mostly no one in your inner circle will care unless you are cheating. That's just quick gratification with long-lasting ramifications.I was in a 3 year relationship that began as a secret. Great experience and would never trade it for anything."–u/Hooligan_Hardguy
"This is a throwaway for good reason. In my freshman year of college, I had been dating a girl for 3 years. She went to a different school at the time, so I didn't see her much, and the long-distance thing took a toll. About a month into my first semester, I met this girl in one of my classes. She was incredibly good-looking and very sweet. I had developed a bit of a crush on her, but it was nothing serious, just a bit of daydreaming. Then one day, I got a message on Facebook from her asking if she wanted to help me review her essay. She claimed to have read something of mine and really liked my writing style. I thought it was odd because she would always sit next to and talk to this other guy in class, and had never actually spoken to me. So, I met with her in the library and we started talking."
"Basically, I was in love with a girl who loved me, but was more in love with her best friend. Her best friend was extremely possessive and kind of a terrible person, and didn't want to share her. It bordered on abuse and manipulation, but I couldn't convince her otherwise. So our relationship was a complete secret. Long story short, I ended up getting my heart broken, while she ended up with the person she really wanted to be with. We didn't talk for several months, and I just pretty much numbed myself to the pain. We just started talking again recently, actually, but I'm very guarded around her. For as much as I cared about her, I'll never do something so stupid again. It makes it hard to trust people."
"I was a dirty little secret for the better part of 10 years (on and off). It sucked. He was insistent on not openly dating me, but everyone in his circle knew about me. His refusal to be open about it just hurt me (though he always had a good excuse.)"
"Last we talked, he told me he was openly dating, and giving everything I asked for to a trailer girl with four kids who never graduated from high school. (I hold two degrees from a top-ranked university) So I declared him 'dead to me' 6 months ago and have never felt better."–u/Kopannie
"Badly. We worked together and ended up dating for about a year and a half. During that time, he met my family, we went away for the weekend, did all that couple stuff, etc. But the ENTIRE time, he was completely paranoid about people at work finding out. There could be no pictures on social media, we couldn't go to work together, we couldn't leave together, we couldn't have lunch...the list goes on. For a year and a half, it was horrible. And by the way... people at work knew anyway."
–u/littlebev
"My ex-girlfriend and I kept our relationship a secret for the first few months just because some people in our friendship group would have been unhappy about it. Eventually, we let everyone know about it, and it went well. We lasted four years and split up last year because the relationship had run its course, and we wanted different things."
And finally, "Badly, yet somehow we are still friends. Took about a 5-6 month cooling-off period, though. Basically, I had to hide the relationship from my mother because she hated my gf for the actions she had done to me in the past and for how she dresses. My dad knew about it but chose not to tell my mother, as my mother has a bit of a hot streak when it comes to her temper. It mostly worked out; not being able to have her at my house all that often was a bit of a pain, but I found ways around it. What killed it, though, was not only my mother finding out eventually but an argument about sex, as I overreacted to the prospect of having a child. The breakup was somewhat amicable, but I also found out that not long after the breakup, she had sex with her ex. That shattered me for a while, but now it's nothing but a distant memory."
–u/Cruxisshadow
H/T: r/AskReddit