Is romance dead? Why Norwegians split the bill on even hot dates

Local Norway

4 days ago

I remember the first time I was on a date in Norway. We had finished dinner at a cozy little bistro in Oslo, and the waiter came over with the check. Looking at us with a slight smile, he asked:
Skal dere betale sammen
?, "Are you paying together?".
The guy across the table answered confidently: 'Ja.' I froze for a second, assuming he meant he would cover the whole bill. But no. As I learned later, some restaurants go so far as to give you separate bills so you don't even know how much the other person is paying. But, of course, this one didn't have that option so we had to calculate exactly how much each of us had eaten.
My hot date proceeded to calculate his exact amount, down to the last krone, including that extra cheese on his burger, and handed over his card. I was left staring at my half of the bill, unsure whether I felt offended or liberated. I was called myself a feminist, proud of advocating for gender equality. Yet here I was feeling irritated that this man wouldn't pay for my meal.
It took me a while (read: years) to realize that maybe it's actually better this way. Maybe it's more equal. No expectations attached. Or maybe, just maybe, I've become more Norwegian with time and I cannot be bothered owing anything to anyone.
Because in Norway, splitting the bill isn't just a practical decision, it's a cultural ritual rooted in values like fairness, independence, and financial transparency. Life here is expensive, and some things, like dating, are more expensive than others.
That's why Norwegians almost always split the bill. No drama, no awkwardness, just an understanding that everyone pays for their own consumption.
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EXPLAINED: The etiquette around restaurant bills in Norway
Why Norwegians Split the Bill
There are three main reasons for this cultural norm. First, Norway is expensive. A beer at a bar can easily cost 130 kroner (around 10 euros), and a basic dinner out can quickly exceed 500 kroner per person.
Second, Norwegians tend to be unpredictable eaters and drinkers: some will order one beer, others three cocktails. So splitting equally can feel unfair.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Norwegians hate owing people anything. The discomfort of being in debt to a friend (or worse, a date) is stronger than any romantic impulse to be 'treated.'
That's why you'll often hear Norwegians asking for separate bills right from the start. If
someone does cover for you, rest assured they will get their money back, down to the last øre (cent). Whether it's a round of drinks, a group dinner, or a cabin weekend, the Norwegian instinct is to even things out as soon as possible.
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READ ALSO: The key things to know about Norway's mobile payment service
Dating and Paying: Equality First
This logic holds even on a date. This isn't about men being cheap. In fact, Norwegian women usually insist on paying for themselves, especially on a first date.
Accepting a drink or a dinner from someone can feel like accepting an unspoken obligation. Many women simply don't want to owe anything to a man they just met.
It might feel a bit transactional at first, but there's something refreshing about the honesty of it all. No games, no guessing who's supposed to pay, just mutual respect and clear expectations.
And if you both make it to a second date, you'll probably do the same thing
again. If you pay for even the smallest thing, you might be expected to transfer the money immediately or the same day by Vipps (the DnB app that is hugely successful in Norway exactly because of this habit).
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Exceptions to the Rule
Of course, there are exceptions. If someone is celebrating a big life event, like a birthday, a new baby, or landing a new job; the group might treat them. This is considered a gesture of support and generosity, not a break from the rule.
In friend groups, especially when drinking, people often take turns paying rounds. You buy the first round, I get the second, and so on. Eventually, it evens out. On group trips, called
guttetur
(guys' trip),
jentetur
(girls' trip). On a weekend at the
hytte
, or cabin, expenses are usually logged and split later using apps like Vipps, which offer an option exactly for those situations.
Learning to split the bill in Norway is more than learning a payment habit, it's learning how Norwegians view equality, independence, and social harmony. No one is above or below anyone else. Everyone is responsible for themselves.
This may feel unromantic at first, but perhaps it's a new kind of romance, one where no one owes anyone anything, and where respect is shown through balance and honesty.
And if you ever find yourself wondering whether to pick up the check in Norway, remember: the most Norwegian thing you can do is offer to split.
Lorelou Desjardins is publishing How to be a Norwegian this month. Photo: Anna Julia Granberg
Lorelou is French and has been living in Norway for 15 years, she is the writer behind the bestselling book 'A Frog in the Fjord: One Year in Norway' and the site
A Frog in the Fjord
.
This article is based on Lorelou's new book 'How to be Norwegian', which will be
launched on June 16th. Check
here
to pre-order and read the first chapters for free.