Why Are Teens Aiming for ‘Nonchalance'? The Trend That Could Be a Problem

Yahoo

14-05-2025

What's considered cool changes with each generation, but never has effortless style been so sought-after. Teens don't want to spend hours in front of the mirror gelling their hair, perfectly contouring every inch of their face, or spending time and effort to fit in. Think: the opposite of 'On Wednesdays, we wear pink' and all the other daily rules of The Plastics. (BTW, the fact that I'm even quoting Mean Girls is also cringe.) What teens aspire to be now is nonchalant. While this trend could have some benefits — no one wants to follow a strict set of rules to fit in! — it could also cause a problem in other areas.
According to Merriam-Webster, nonchalant is 'having an air of easy unconcern or indifference.' It's acting like you don't care about anything, like nothing bothers you or affects you. Nonchalance is not trying too hard or feeling too much of anything.
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'Nonchalance as a trend among teens is deeply rooted in the current culture of detachment and self-preservation,' Dr. Caroline Fenkel, LCSW, DSW, Chief Clinical Officer and Co-Founder at Charlie Health, tells SheKnows. 'For many teens, appearing unbothered or 'effortlessly cool' signals emotional resilience and self-sufficiency in a world that often feels hyper-visible and judgmental, primarily through social media.'
Dr. Fenkel explains that teens will project nonchalance to 'navigate social dynamics with a shield against vulnerability, protecting themselves from criticism while fitting into a broader cultural aesthetic that values minimal effort and maximum confidence.'
Searches for 'how to be nonchalant' have spiked 241% this month on Google, per Movchan Agency.
Parenting editor Rita Templeton's 13-year-old son opened up about how teens are striving to be nonchalant when 'aura farming.' 'It's just like looking cool without really having to do anything,' the teen previously told SheKnows.
There are videos all over TikTok about this trend, but our favorite examples are when moms weigh in on how they see their kids perpetuating this trend. In one clip, a mom sang along to Blink-182's 'What's My Age Again?' in the car, while her nonchalant teen son sat next to her staring straight forward and not saying a word. We've all been there!
Another TikTok pitted an 'affectionate mom' against her 'nonchalant daughter. This one is set to a viral sound in which one woman keeps repeating 'I love you' to another woman, before the nonchalant one (in this case, the daughter), finally screams, 'B—ch, I love you too! Write it down!'
Moms could relate, with one commenting, 'So we all like this with our teenagers?' Another said, 'mine is 26 and still like this.'
Right now, Gen Z is in the middle of a mental health crisis, with depression up 60% over the last decade according to the CDC. It seems odd that increased anxiety goes hand-in-hand with increased apathy, but according to Dr. Fenkel, this trend 'can be a form of emotional regulation for teens.'
'Adopting a nonchalant attitude can help teens maintain a sense of control and composure in environments where emotional expression might be met with judgment or misunderstanding,' she explains. 'It can also foster a sense of independence and resilience, essential for building self-efficacy.'
Additionally, acting nonchalant 'can reduce the pressure to perform or meet unrealistic expectations, allowing teens to prioritize inner confidence over external validation.' Teens not striving for perfectionism? That's a nice change!
Acting nonchalant about certain things might be OK, but when teens bring nonchalance to school — maybe even manifesting at 'quiet quitting' — then it can be a problem.
David Robbins, behavioral expert and media analyst at EduBirdie, tells SheKnows, 'Today's teens are growing up in a world where curiosity is often seen as a weakness. They try to appear calm, uninterested, and show less emotion. As a result, they are afraid to ask questions, thinking it will show they don't know something.'
Being able to ask questions and think through situations is important. But rather than look for answers, according to Robbins, teens go straight for defensive, saying things like, 'I don't care, I 'll take it easy.'
'However, this attitude limits their emotional growth and prevents them from understanding their feelings,' Robbins says.
Another problem with this behavior? It can block your teen from maintaining good connections with other people.
'Nonchalance can act as a protective mechanism, but it can also become a barrier to meaningful connection and emotional honesty,' Dr. Fenkel says.
Think about it this way: if your teen constantly tries to suppress and hide their feelings to appear nonchalant or unbothered, it will hurt their relationships in the long run. 'It can lead to emotional suppression, isolation, and an inability to seek help when needed,' Dr. Fenkel says.
'Over time, this kind of emotional detachment can contribute to mental health challenges, such as anxiety and depression, as teens may feel disconnected not only from others but also from their own authentic emotions,' she adds.
Look for signs that nonchalance is masking deeper issues, suggests Dr. Fenkel. These include:
Indicators might include a sudden drop in grades or complete disengagement from school responsibilities.
Withdrawing from friends and family.
Spending excessive time alone.
Neglecting personal hygiene or basic self-care.
Using substances as a way to detach or numb emotions further.
Rejecting offers of support or refusing to discuss emotions, even in safe spaces.
'If parents notice these behaviors, it's important to approach their teen with empathy and understanding, creating space for honest dialogue without judgment,' she says.
Robbins recommends parents work hard to 'create an atmosphere where curiosity is welcomed.'
'Teens need to understand that it's okay to ask questions and that not knowing something is rather an opportunity to learn more,' he tells us. 'Support starts with simply being interested in the child's opinion, discussing difficult topics without judgment, and asking questions rather than lecturing.'
'When teens feel they can talk to their parents freely, they are not afraid to learn and grow,' he adds. 'This helps them maintain interest in life and increase self-confidence.'
'I think it's essential for parents to recognize that nonchalance isn't always just a personality trait — sometimes it's a defense mechanism,' Dr. Fenkel says. 'Teens are navigating complex social environments that are more visible and scrutinized than ever before. Encouraging open conversations about feelings and providing consistent support can help them feel safe enough to express vulnerability.'
'At Charlie Health, we believe that breaking down physical and emotional barriers is crucial for true healing and growth,' she adds. 'It's okay to be 'cool,' but it's even more important to be real.'Best of SheKnows
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