‘My border terrier Tilly helped me survive the grief of losing my son'

Telegraph

08-06-2025

In life's darkest moments, comfort can come from the strangest of places. For Mike Clarke, coming to terms with the sudden and tragic death of his 29-year-old son Nick to Melanoma cancer, that lifeline came in the form of a beautiful border terrier named Tilly.
Mike admits he had always been ' more of a cat person ' and the decision to get a dog was not one which he initially wanted. But like many parents, Mike and his wife of 40 years Mandy, both 62, eventually gave in to the pleading from their son, who was set to return home from university to live with his parents in Whitley Bay to begin teaching.
But Nick's plans changed after he completed a final university placement at a primary school in Newham – where they liked him so much he was offered a job. Nick accepted the position, and dedicated himself to the school, where, over more than seven years, he played a key role alongside his colleagues in helping it to achieve an 'Outstanding' rating from Ofsted.
Nick had been successfully treated for melanoma in 2018, after it had developed from a mole on his side. But during the height of lockdown in late 2020, the cancer returned without anyone realising. On a Zoom call in December, Mike noticed his son looked unwell. Trusting his instincts, he took matters into his own hands.
'There was an emphasis on not putting a strain on the NHS, so he couldn't get access to the hospital in London,' Mike says.
'We just thought he might have a side effect of Covid so I drove down to London to take him back home and get him checked out there. I've had cancer myself, so when I picked him up and saw how he looked, in my mind I knew he had cancer again.'
Mike drove Nick straight to their local hospital, in Cramlington, where they kept him overnight. Nick ended up in critical care, where due to Covid restrictions, Mike and Mandy couldn't visit him.
When it became clear that his condition was deteriorating, Nick made the decision to return home that Saturday, where he tragically passed away the following evening among family and friends.
It was a devastating time. Mike says of his son: 'He is never far from my mind, he was a deeply kind, well-natured boy. Everybody loved him, he had so many friends.'
Non-negotiable dog walks
The intense pain of losing a loved one can make grief an incredibly lonely experience, especially when you feel nobody can understand the emotions you are going through. Mike says that in the days and weeks after losing Nick, he found the non-negotiable routine of walking Tilly was crucial in stopping him and Mandy from isolating from the world.
'Having to walk the dog was fundamental in making me face reality. It would've been very easy to just shut the outside world out, but you couldn't do that because Tilly needed walking.
'In the weeks following Nick's passing we were out with her a lot, she was our coping mechanism in that respect.'
He adds: 'Even if you wanted to lie in bed, you couldn't because you've got a dependent member of the family who needs looking after. It's similar to having to care for a child, but I found it incredibly helpful as it gave me a focus and forced us to get fresh air.'
Those daily dog walks also helped Mike keep in touch with familiar faces – and he also credits Tilly with helping him return to his former job at Natwest.
'You see the same people day in and day out, because everyone's out walking at the same time. That really helped as it got me used to being around people again, which prepared me for facing colleagues at work.'
The Dog Dad Curry Club
Making new friends as an adult can be difficult, but Tilly's dog walks had already led to Mike meeting new people who became a crucial support. 'I've made a close circle of friends through Tilly who've been instrumental in helping my grieving process,' he says.
'We call ourselves the Dog Dad Curry Club and we go out for drinks together and curry nights which has provided me with a social outlet I didn't have before Tilly. Going through grief makes you learn who your friends really are, and these friends have supported and looked after me through everything.
'At Nick's funeral we could only have 12 close family and friends in, so the Dog Dad Curry Club lined up outside the funeral amongst hundreds of others to honour Nick's memory and support us. Over the years they have never shied away from talking with me about my grief.'
Mike insists that he couldn't have made such a supportive social group without Tilly: 'I never would've met them without morning walks on the beach. We support each other because we have this common interest in the love we have for our dogs.'
Terrified of losing Tilly
Tilly's now aged 13, and Mike says he won't be rushing to get another dog when the time comes. After everything she's helped him through, the idea of replacing her doesn't sit right.
'Mandy and I are terrified of losing her because she's still a link with Nick. She's been our crutch,' he says.
'We wouldn't replace her without Nick as we wouldn't have someone to take care of her if we were away, and we want to travel more as Nick loved to. So certainly, when the inevitable comes, I don't envisage getting another dog straight away.'
For Mike, it's not just about losing a dog, it's about losing a companion which carried him and his wife through their darkest days.
'When life felt so unstable, it was nice to have somebody who was just constantly there. You know dogs, they just love you, they don't cause any problems.
'Tilly has helped us to process grief and brought us to peace with the outside world.'