INTERVIEW/ Shoki Matsuyama: On sleepless nights, embrace the feeling of being alive

Asahi Shimbun

2 days ago

Various theories exist about why counting sheep helps people fall asleep, including one that 'sheep' and 'sleep' sound similar. (Asahi Shimbun file photo)
HIMEJI, Hyogo Prefecture—People who have trouble sleeping at night because of their many worries should take a different approach to problems in life, Shoki Matsuyama, a resident nun at Futetsuji temple here, said.
First of all, Matsuyama told The Asahi Shimbun, people in general should not pressure themselves into thinking they must sleep.
And they should also ponder whether the problems that are keeping them up at night are really of 'their' concern, the nun said.
Born in Fukuoka Prefecture in 1962, Matsuyama was a college student when she got married and gave birth. She then got a divorce and became a single mother.
After working as a nurse and caregiver, she became a nun at age 48.
Matsuyama has served as the resident nun at Futetsuji temple, which dates back to the Edo Period (1603-1867), since 2016. She offers advice to followers and aims to make the temple a 'shelter for all women.'
Excerpts of the interview follow:
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Question: What are some of your own experiences with sleeping difficulties?
Matsuyama: When I was working as an assistant nurse, I was taking care of my grandmother, who used to wander alone at 2 or 3 a.m.
She went out no matter how hard I tried to stop her, so I followed her and let her walk for several hundred meters. I had to take the first train to go to work every day after dawn.
Q: The older we get, the more worries and sleepless nights we seem to have, right?
A: I think it is OK to feel content about remaining awake rather than focusing on being unable to sleep. You can feel you're awake, and that is proof you're alive.
Of course, a lack of sleep due to overwork and other factors is another matter.
When you are satisfied with one thing, you will want something else. I hope people make concessions in a positive sense instead of falling into this cycle. It is as if to say, 'I sleep less, but 'oh well.''
Q: Family members may find it difficult to watch their loved ones experience sleepless nights. What can they do?
A: No matter how much you like someone, you can't sleep for them. But I don't want people to feel overly responsible or guilty about something they cannot help with.
Why can't people help but criticize themselves?
In many cases, people who seek my counseling are troubled about things connected to their early relationships with their parents.
I think many people can't forgive themselves because they weren't approved of when they were children and failed to fulfill their need for recognition.
Q: Even if you can approve of yourself, will there always be sources of concern?
A: I tell people to prepare slightly large sheets of note paper and write down one of their problems on each sheet. After they finish, I ask them whether those are 'their' problems.
For example, if it is about their grandchild who skips school, it's not their problem. Then I ask them to rip the paper with a loud noise and throw it away.
As you abandon things that can only be solved by someone else or time, there should not be many things left for you to solve on your own.
It is also good to change the way you breathe.
In 'zazen' meditation, the emphasis is placed on breathing, but there is something you can do while you lie down.
When you count sheep, saying, 'One sheep, two sheep,' you can breathe deeper by breathing out slowly and uttering the words much slower.
It is said that deep breathing prompts the secretion of serotonin, which is referred to as a 'happiness hormone.'
A: Still, are we increasingly worrying about the future of ourselves and our families at night?
Q: After the deaths of my grandfather and my father whom I loved dearly, I developed an interest in death. And I also saw an elder pass away at a nursing home where I was working.
When old people are about to leave their bodies, every single one of them returns to an innocent state of being as if they were just born.
I think the moment you are born into the world and start breathing with your whole body and the moment you die are the same thing.
That was clear to me when I learned about the teaching of 'Fushozen' preached by Bankei, a Buddhist priest from the Edo Period.
There is a famous anecdote.
A man said he had a short temper since birth, so a priest told him: 'That's interesting. Bring it out right here and I'll cure it.'
When the man said he couldn't bring it out at the moment, the priest said: 'If you can't bring it out now, you don't have it in the first place.'
This means everyone is born only with a merciful heart. There are no such things as temperaments and values with which you are born.
Of course, we all have different views of life and death, but I think there should be more opportunities for 'death education' where we prepare and learn about death.
At any rate, there is no one else like you.
Although there is no end to worries, people should first embrace the fact that they are alive now, enjoy their incompleteness and use themselves up completely.