Sober second go rides on solid support system
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: 'The woman who got away' has moved back to town and she's almost single — soon to be divorced. I'm sure she still wants me.
She only married her husband and moved away because I was still drinking heavily and couldn't stop myself. But that was then, and this is now. I've been sober for two years now, all of my own doing.
I tell myself she really loved me and I think she probably still does. She even admitted to me when we broke up that I was the best lover she ever had, and the funniest. I love this woman right down to her purple-painted toenails.
Now what should I do? I'm right here waiting.
— Sober and Healthy, West Kildonan
Dear Sober and Healthy: Your ex may not fully trust you and your sobriety if you're not connected any kind of support program, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, to help you stay on the wagon for good. So, it's time for you to voluntarily make that kind of connection since you're so serious about getting this woman back and staying with her forever.
You can swear to her all you like that you'll stay sober on your own, but unless you actually prove it over time and have backup help, she's probably not going to be impressed enough to throw her life in with yours. Don't lose her twice.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It was a beautiful day, so I walked home six blocks for lunch recently and left my car at work. When I came in the back door, I thought I heard something weird in the house, so I went to the door of my 17-year-old son's room and it was obvious he had company in bed.
I screamed his name and there was a lot of scrambling around and then I heard his closet door shut. I was so upset I pushed my way and opened the closet, and who should be in there, screaming, 'Don't come in!' but his new girlfriend.
I backed off then because I knew she must be naked, and went to the living room. She blasted past in shorts and a T-shirt and out the back door.
Now what? He has a delivery job at night and she has no job. I don't want my son to marry someone out of rebellion, but I don't want them living here either. Nobody's really talking to anybody now. We avoid all contact coming and it's so tense, I can hardly bear it.
— Upset Mom, St. James
Dear Upset Mom: What's the worst thing that could happen here? A
teenage pregnancy. So, calm down for a day or two and then address that issue with your son.
Tell him you understand they probably won't quit having sex just because you're against it. Therefore, you are supplying him with a big box of high-quality condoms.
This way, when he and his girlfriend are making love, you won't be totally panicked.
Also, be nice to your son's girlfriend (and whatever girlfriend likely comes next) as too many mother-son relationships have been ruined by stressed parents calling young girlfriends disrespectful names.
Remember, your son cares about this person and you could lose him if you overreact.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
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