Time Confetti Is Getting in the Way of Bonding With Your Kids—Here's How to Prevent It
Key Points
Time confetti looks like using pockets of time throughout the day to accomplished, which can leave parents feeling burnt out and stretched to their
Time confetti can also make it more difficult to be present with your kids
Experts say that parents should focus on family time, rather than obsess over being productiveIf you feel like your day is constantly being interrupted by pings on your phone, emails, or other pieces of business you have to take care of, you are far from alone. In fact, most parents feel like they are always 'on' even when they are supposed to be relaxing. Enter the idea of 'time confetti,' which is the ongoing experience of being pulled in a million different directions—all at once.
What Is Time Confetti?
'Time confetti' is a term that's been credited to Brigid Schulte, the author of Over Work: Transforming the Daily Grind in the Quest for a Better Life, who has described it as the feeling that you are doing, 'Everything. All at once. All the time.'
'Time confetti is when time is broken into small, fragmented pieces—usually due to technology—where you check emails while building blocks with your toddler, you scroll through Instagram meals while cooking dinner, and you are sending 'quick' texts while trying to read bedtime stories,' describes Alicia Brown, LMFT, therapist and founder of Mom-ing with Intent.
Parents may feel like you are multi-tasking and getting things done, but it's more like a pile-up of micro-interruptions that rob you of the ability to feel like you are present in your life, Brown explains.
'I really love this term because I think it absolutely describes what I am seeing happen with parents in my practice every single day,' Alicia Brown says.
Why Parents Are Especially Susceptible to Time Confetti
Parents in particular are especially vulnerable to time confetti because we are never really 'off.' Parenting is a 24/7 job—and not just in the physical sense. As parents, our minds are always buzzing with responsibilities and technology means we are constantly being inundated with tasks that need attending to, such as school or work emails and household management.
Even when parents feel like they have little 'free' moments, these responsibilities are constantly popping up and many of us feel compelled to tend to them. '
"Time confetti is waking up and letting the day run you, instead of the other way around,' describes Jenn Brown, life coach for parents and teens. 'On paper, it may look like there are 'pockets of time,' but those moments are constantly filled with little fires to put out—replying to an email, uploading a photo to the school portal, Venmo'ing for team snacks, checking a reminder before it slips the mind.'
Time confetti is basically a dead-end street to burnout, Brown adds.
Why Time Confetti Can Be Problematic
While it can't always be avoided completely, experts recommend parents make efforts to decrease time confetti in your life. The reason is because time confetti can be detrimental to your mental health, physical health, as well as your relationship with your children.
'Avoiding time confetti isn't just a nice idea—it's a mental health must,' says Brown. When your time is always broken up into these little endless tasks, your nervous system shifts into high gear and doesn't get a chance to recharge. 'Parents end up stuck in a loop of stress, where everything feels urgent, and nothing feels meaningful."
There are physical ramifications too
When your mental health suffers, it often follows that your physical health might also be impacted.
'I'm seeing exhausted parents who are showing signs of burnout, sleep issues, and emotional dysregulation,' Alica Brown says.
Burnout is a specific type of fatigue and depletion caused by being 'on' all the time and never getting a much-needed break. It can include symptoms like pain, trouble concentrating, emotional numbness, and stomach issues.
You're less present with with your kids
Last—but definitely not least—time confetti can negatively impact your relationship with your kids.
'When we experience scattered time, our engagement with our children becomes what I refer to as 'half-there' moments—you're present, but your mind is somewhere else,' Alicia Brown describes. 'Over time, kids begin internalizing these half-there moments as there's something they're competing with—the phone or inbox, or whatever else demands your time and attention.'
Kids may begin to wonder if they're really all that important to you. Over time, lack of consistency and attention can erode trust in the parent-child relationships, she adds.
How to Avoid Time Confetti
So, it's clear parents to minimize the amount of time confetti in their lives. But how exactly do you do this when you feel as though everyday is hectic? How do you reduce all the pings and notifications and responsibilities and distractions? Here are some expert tips for getting started.
Group your scattered tasks
Megan Sumrell, productivity and time management expert, suggests mapping out specific times of day that you'll respond to your pings and emails.
'Instead of responding to that school email the second it pings, designate specific time blocks to handle all the small admin stuff that builds up throughout the week,' she suggests. You can even write these times into your family calendar. This helps your family understand when you're available for interruptions and when you aren't, Sumrell says.
Use technology to your advantage
Alicia Brown suggests finding ways to have technology work for you, rather than against you. 'Set 'do not disturb' hours, collect all notifications after a specified time (but not continuously), or even use an app that blocks your social media during family time,' she recommends.
Prioritize what matters
If you want to be more present in your life, you need to stop trying to be productive every single minute of the day. That's why intentionally planning your week ahead of time is so important. 'I recognize that parenting means unexpected tasks coming up constantly – which is why planning your time blocks in advance is key, whether you're using a digital calendar or paper planner,' says Sumrell. 'Mapping out those moments of focus time will allow for more free time to connect with your family and much needed rest time when those small pockets of free time arise.'
Schedule time for rest
Just as it's important to schedule time when you're working or spending time with family, it's equally important to schedule your down time too.
'It's easy to RSVP yes if your calendar has an empty slot, but maybe the two hours between that soccer game and grandma's birthday aren't actually the best time to go on a play date,' says Sumrell. 'That time for rest is just as important as any external commitment.'
Remind yourself that it's okay to simply not do anything
Sometimes we so used to being productive that we feel like we're failing if we're not constantly completing some task—but your and your family need rest and time to recharge for your wellbeing too.
"Your brain needs a minute to reset, and that's not being lazy,' Sumrell says. 'Resist the urge to multitask when you're with your loved ones, and let yourself enjoy the small moments by not checking your phone or to-do list.' You can tell yourself that connecting with yourself and your kids is just as important as any item on your to-do list.Key Takeaway
Avoiding—or at least decreasing—time confetti in your life is a must, according to experts. But that doesn't mean it's always possible. Additionally, some people find that even when they make an effort to decrease time confetti, their feelings of burnout and exhaustion persist. If you need help learning to manage and delegate responsibilities—or if you need overall support for your mental health and well being—please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional.Read the original article on Parents
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