Dear Richard Madeley: ‘I'm sick of my neighbours' children throwing balls into my garden'
I've always got on well with my next-door neighbours and I am fond of their children, but when they (the kids) play in their back garden, which is, naturally, adjacent to mine, after school and at weekends, a constant stream of missiles – balls of various sizes, Nerf darts, Frisbees and so on – comes raining over the fence.
Said fence is too high for small people to climb over (plus if they managed it they'd land in my herbaceous border) and I am reluctant to put a gate in it, so I'm expected to answer the door and let them come through the house to retrieve their equipment. I don't mind this once in a while, and may even have occasionally indulged them with the offer of a biscuit as they passed through the kitchen. But in the warmer months it's happening more and more, and while I work from home I am often in virtual meetings and can't easily leave them, which is not a concept the children seem to understand.
I don't want their playful instincts to be repressed but I am starting to mind this. There's a kind of netting fence that could be installed for around £100 – would it be very passive-aggressive of me to ask my (adult) neighbours to contribute to this?
— G, Surrey
Dear G,
As I have said here many times before, it is worth doing back-handsprings through hoops to stay on good terms with one's neighbours. If relationships sour, they can be very, very difficult to restore. There's a tendency for the original dispute to escalate and mushroom into others, and before you know it you're grappling with a many-headed hydra of hostility and resentment with people who have the power to make your daily life a misery.
So if you are, as you say, currently on good terms with the folk next door, let's do all we can to preserve the status quo, shall we? A little patience, tolerance and generosity of spirit now will pay dividends further down the line, I guarantee.
As far as I can see, you have two options. Install a little gate in the dividing fence so the kids next door can nip in and retrieve their ball, Frisbee or whatever, without disturbing you. Or, as you say, put up some netting.
The next step is to involve your neighbours in the decision. Either pop round or drop them a note. Be friendly. Don't say you're getting fed up with their kids disturbing your work by hammering on the door; tell them you've had an idea which means their children can play uninterrupted – a net to keep their toys on their side of the fence, or a little gate so they can nip through without having to come all the way round to your front door. Make it sound like the kiddies are your priority. (The end result will be the same whatever, won't it?)
Say whichever option your neighbours prefer, you're happy to organise it. Then casually mention that if they'd be willing to go halves on the cost, that would be much appreciated. If they're the pleasant pair you say they are, I'd be very surprised if they baulked at that.
There you go, G. When it comes to dealing with neighbours, always follow the 3-D rule: diplomacy; diplomacy; diplomacy.
You can find more of Richard Madeley's advice here or submit your own dilemma below.
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