What is Sotsukon? How a Japanese book encouraged couples to ‘graduate' from marriage instead of divorcing

Time of India

2 days ago

Why the idea took root in Japan
Voices behind the movement
Styles of sotsukon
More than just living apart
In 2004, Japanese writer Yumiko Sugiyama challenged the conventions of marriage with her book Sotsukon no Susume ('Recommending the Graduation from Marriage'). Instead of urging couples to split through divorce, she introduced a more flexible idea: sotsukon, or 'graduating from marriage.'The word combines sotsugyo (graduation) and kekkon (marriage), reflecting a model where couples stay legally married but lead largely independent lives. Reports from Japan Today and Savvy Tokyo note that this idea resonated especially with women who felt constrained by rigid domestic expectations.For generations, Japanese marriages were built on clearly defined roles: men as breadwinners and women as homemakers. As Sugiyama explained in an interview with CNN, wives were often reduced to domestic caretakers while husbands focused solely on work. Many women dreaded their husbands' retirement, fearing they would have to provide round-the-clock support.This anxiety was reflected in a 2014 survey by the architecture agency Interstation, cited by Japan Today. Out of 200 married women aged 30 to 60, more than half expressed interest in sotsukon. The most common timeframe they chose for this shift? Between 60 and 65, coinciding with when their husbands would typically retire.The motivations behind sotsukon are diverse, but they share a theme of personal freedom. Women told researchers they wanted to pursue long-delayed dreams, reclaim private time, or simply live without constant domestic duties. One respondent summed it up: 'I love my husband, but living together all the time makes us take each other for granted. Living apart could make us appreciate each other more.'Such sentiments highlight that sotsukon is not about rejecting love—it's about reshaping the way couples coexist.Flexibility is at the heart of this practice. Some couples live under the same roof but act more like housemates, handling their own cooking and chores separately. Others go a step further, maintaining separate homes but meeting regularly for companionship or shared responsibilities.Unlike divorce, sotsukon involves no legal procedures, making it a simpler and less costly arrangement. It also allows couples to maintain a safety net for old age, while still enjoying autonomy.The concept has gained steady traction over the years. A 2018 survey by the Meiji Yasuda Research Institute, reported by Savvy Tokyo, found that both men and women viewed sotsukon positively, though women were more enthusiastic. Approval rates climbed with age, peaking at nearly 79% among women in their early 60s.Interestingly, divorce was far less popular in comparison, suggesting that many couples see sotsukon as a way to preserve stability while loosening restrictive roles.At first glance, sotsukon might resemble kateinai bekkyo—a Japanese practice where unhappily married couples avoid each other while staying under the same roof for financial reasons. But experts stress that sotsukon is different: it is rooted in mutual respect, not hostility.It is less about breaking bonds and more about reimagining them. As Savvy Tokyo puts it, sotsukon offers couples a chance to 'graduate' into a new phase of life without regrets or resentment.Sotsukon is not yet mainstream, but its growing acceptance reflects broader shifts in Japanese society. With longer lifespans, changing gender roles, and an increasing emphasis on personal happiness, more couples are questioning whether traditional marriage still fits their evolving lives.As Sugiyama's idea shows, graduation does not always mean an ending. For many Japanese couples, it represents a new beginning.