Why Big Time Adulting's Caitlin Murray Is Lowering Expectations (& Raising a Glass!) This Mother's Day
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When Caitlin Murray sat down to chat with SheKnows Editor-in-Chief Erika Janes, she was just as honest and funny one-on-one as she is when she is talking to her 1.8 million Instagram followers. Murray — who you might also know as the comedic genius behind 'Big Time Adulting' — is a parenting influencer and mom of three who is just trying to make it through May.
And aren't we all? I think the masses (or, at least the moms who bear the mental load of parenting) have agreed that May can be the worst. 'It's more stressful than the holiday season,' Murray said of the time period that has been cleverly coined 'Maycember.' There are proms and graduations and end-of-the-school-year celebrations, and, for Murray, the joys of juggling multiple extracurricular schedules.
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Are you feeling the agita just thinking about that? It's why she partnered with Prego for their PreGOseason Meal Kit Giveaway. Through May 20, 100 lucky (and probably burnt out) winners will receive a meal kit with everything they need to make dinner, plus a $100 Taskrabbit credit to help them check something off their to-do list.
'Since dinner time is typically one of the main areas of pain in my life, I cannot stand thinking about what to make for dinner all day, every day,' Murray says. Especially during such a stressful time of year.
A stressful time of year that, sadly, houses Mother's Day. Why couldn't moms get a more relaxing month to celebrate their hard work, huh? It feels like a cruel metaphor. It's yet another shindig that moms have to stress over, and the 'post-Mother's Day letdown' is hard.
And so Murray does things a little unconventionally. Instead of waiting with bated breath for an elaborate surprise, she takes 'a pretty prominent role' in the Mother's Day plans so she can 'protect against disappointment.'
'I'm like, 'This is how I want the day to go,'' she says, before explaining that she also has her son's birthday coming up, her own mother coming to town, and her mother-in-law to consider too. 'So, you're trying to relax and enjoy your day, but it also ends up being about honoring the mothers around you, too.'
'It's almost ceremonial in a way,' she continues. 'You almost need to set aside a different day to take for yourself to make that your Mother's Day and just go through the motions of Mother's Day [with] lower expectations.'
Murray learned about lowering her Mother's Day expectations after her first Mother's Day. 'I was so disappointed,' she tells SheKnows. ' … Your first year of motherhood, especially, is just so treacherous. You [and your body] have gone through so much. You're learning this whole new skill for the first time, much to, you know, maybe the disappointment of society thinking that we all know exactly what we're doing because we're women.'
But that's not the case. First-time moms, just like anyone trying to learn something new, are in the trenches working their butts off to figure it out. 'And then it's just like, 'Here's flowers,'' Murray says. ' … It feels so belittling, almost. I think that's the problem. It's like we're trying to pack in the acknowledgement of mothers for one day through one tiny celebration.'
*cue well-deserved standing ovation*
Flowers, while appreciated, just won't cut it. They don't properly show the gratitude necessary for all the hard work and selflessness that moms put in on a daily basis. Frankly, it's unlikely that any Mother's Day present or celebration ever will. And so we love Murray's advice to (unfortunately) lower your expectations and pick a separate day — perhaps not in the most stressful month! — to be your honorary Mother's Day.
'I'll probably go out for like, a drink with my best girlfriends in the afternoon,' Murray says of her preferred Mother's Day. She and her friends can celebrate each other and relish in the fact that they hopefully don't have a soccer schedule to manage or a dinner to plan out. Cheers to that!
And if one of Murray's besties can't make it out to drinks, we have an idea of what funny text or card she might send them.
'I have written stuff like, 'I hope you have a great Mother's Day and there are enough mimosas to help you relax while all chaos unravels around you while you try to let go of control for the day,'' she says of her cards.
Not only will we be turning to that message for our own card-writing inspiration, but we will also be hoping the same for each of the moms and mother figures in our lives. We hope there are enough [insert treat of choice] to help them find some zen.
Before you go, check out 52 genius Mother's Day gift ideas for literally every kind of mom in your life.
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