4 Ways to fake it til you make it at your first change of command ceremony

Yahoo

16-07-2025

No one knows what a change of command is until they're sweating through their bra and Googling 'is a dress with pockets disrespectful.'
No one ever says what the event actually is. The invite said 'ceremony.' The group chat said, 'Optional but recommended.' Your partner said, 'You don't have to go.' Which, obviously, meant you had to go.
So now you're standing outside in full sun, surrounded by people who seem to know when to stand, where to sit, and how to clap with military-appropriate enthusiasm. You, meanwhile, are just trying to figure out if your shoes are too loud and whether it's weird to cry at the national anthem even though you're not totally sure why you're crying.
Welcome to the change of command. A formal, awkward, often heat-adjacent rite of passage that no one explains, everyone fakes their way through, and yes, you're now part of it.
This isn't just about surviving one weird event. It's about learning how to hold your own in a room where you don't speak the language (yet). And doing it with enough grace that someone else in the crowd thinks: 'Oh thank god, I'm not the only one faking it.'
Start with the uniform: dress code says, 'business casual,' but everyone reads that as 'summer barbeque with slightly better accessories.'
Go neutral. Go closed-toe shoes, even if it's 103 degrees. Flat-bottom shoes that won't sink into grass, get destroyed on gravel, or spark a scandal.
You're not dressing to be remembered. You're dressing to survive a long change of command ceremony with dignity.
If you want to look like you've done this before, the trick is to look vaguely polished and emotionally unreachable.
Even if you watched a few of these on YouTube, no two are the same. Inevitably, someone will speak for too long. Someone will clap early. Someone will faint in formation (okay, probably not. But you can feel the possibility hanging in the air).
Keep your cool by nodding when others nod. Clap half a second after the first person claps. Smile at no one in particular. If you furrow your brow during a speech, people will assume you're reflecting on leadership. But we know you're probably thinking less about leadership and more about whether you have to go to the unit potluck after this is over.
Posture is everything. If you don't know what's happening at the change of command, square your shoulders, lift your chin, and stand like you've been to six of these, even if this is your first and you're dying to Google, 'what is a guidon?'
There's always one. She's already seated. She knows the difference between a brigade and a battalion. She brought sunscreen, bug spray, a fan, and a granola bar she won't eat but will absolutely offer to someone else's kid.
She's not trying to be the main character at the change of command ceremony. She just knows what's about to happen and how long it's going to take.
You don't have to talk to her. But if you're not sure what to do, look in her direction. She'll stand half a second before everyone else, clap exactly three beats after, and remove her sunglasses during the anthem like it's choreography. It kind of is.
She's not there to make you feel small. She's there to make this whole thing run without catching fire.
Let her do her thing. Let her carry the energy. And if you accidentally match her timing?Congratulations. You now look like someone who's been here before.
Your spouse probably spent days prepping for this change of command ceremony, but you didn't get that chance. So yeah, you're right to feel like you have no idea what's going on.
That's normal. Here's what we all wish someone had said:
If there's a program, take it. You won't read it, but it'll give you something to hold while you panic.
If they say, 'We'll begin shortly,' that means at least fifteen more minutes in full sun. Pace your water accordingly.
If you're standing in a group of people and someone starts doing something official-looking, do your best to move three feet to the left. You are always, somehow, in the wrong spot. This is the law of physics.
If someone in uniform makes a joke during their speech and you're not sure it was a joke, wait one full second before laughing. This is how we avoid being featured in someone's after-action report.
And finally: sunnies off during the National Anthem, even if your mascara is halfway down your face. Especially then.
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