Dating expert issues warning over controversial 'cookie jarring' trend as people label it 'gross'
The trend, which first originated in 2019, refers to the practice of dating a person you've put in a reserve position while you're dating someone else, in order to keep your options open.
And it seems to have made a comeback for 2025, with more and more singletons taking to social media to express their concern that they've been 'cookie-jarred' by a potential partner - in the UK and beyond.
If things aren't going well with their first option, people might 'dip back into' the cookie jar to explore their other options - with no real intent of pursuing anything long term.
As a result, daters are seeing multiple people at one time, leading to confusion for all parties involved.
People have been left horrified by the trend, with some calling it 'gross' and 'disgusting', but others noted it's been 'going on since time began' and is just 'part of dating'.
Dating experts have also warned against the trend - saying those taking part will just 'shoot themselves in the foot' in the future.
Positive Psychology Coach Arrezo Azim shared on TikTok: 'Let's be honest, you're keeping them on the side because you want to have somebody else as back-up in case this doesn't work out.
'Don't jump right back in to the dating world, or start talking to someone from the past, or start talking to someone new. I don't care if they reached out to you. Give yourself time when you're not getting external validation from something or someone else.
'It's hard but if you want something healthier than the situation that did not work out, then don't shoot yourself in the foot. The attention's amazing - but the long-term effects are a lot worse if you do it that way.'
Dating trends expert Eugénie Legendre previously warned against the trend, saying: 'So you have been seeing someone for quite some time and want to have a little extra security, just in case.
'You start getting a little friendlier with that crush you spotted in your lecture or at work, so you have something to fall back on if it all goes wrong.
'If you are guilty of this then you are cookie jarring. Give yourself time to get to know someone without the influence of anyone else and if things just don't work out, then that's okay – but don't get a back-up because you are unsure.'
On social media, people were quick to blast the trend - while several noted it had happened to them in the past.
One person said: 'Literally just happened to me just for her to get back with her ex…..'
A second had a similar situation: 'Just happened to me ex left me for another guy but came back to me through conversation just for emotional support.'
On social media, people were quick to blast the trend - while several noted it had happened to them in the past
Another wrote on Reddit on the thread r/datingoverforty: 'Dammit, I've been cookie jarred! I've called it being the backup girl. So incredibly selfish of people.'
Others said: 'This is like "the spare key under the doormat" analogy. You're hopefully not needed but kept around just in case';
'Humans are disgusting';
'OLD [online dating] has created an entire society of adults who are incapable of healthy dating and relationships. It's gross';
However another said: 'This is just... dating? It's unrealistic to expect exclusivity early in the relationship, but eventually everyone can discuss monogamy if that's what they want long-term.
'I think this "trend" is only an issue if one person is dishonest about their other partners.'
From 'ghosting' and 'breadcrumbing,' to 'carouselling' and 'throning,' there's a never-ending catalog of certain behaviors to look out for when immersing yourself in the world of dating - and the signs aren't always so easy to spot.
Floodlighting is the latest term to make its way onto the list and its been claimed that it can create a 'false sense of security' in the early stages of a potential romance.
The word came about as singletons are told to imagine literally putting your relationship under the spotlight - even when it might not be ready for such harsh, uncompromising attention.
It involves one partner oversharing emotionally charged details early in the romance, creating a false sense of intimacy.
Relationship experts have warned that this can lead to emotional imbalances and can even overwhelm both parties.
Speaking to Glamour, Jessica Alderson - who is a relationship expert and co-founder of the dating app So Synced - explained: 'Floodlighting in dating is about using vulnerability as a high-intensity spotlight.
'It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once - to test the waters, speed up intimacy, or see if the other person can "handle" these parts of you.'
She went on to say that while floodlighting isn't always toxic, it can be more harmful than people might think.
Common signs that someone might be dating a flood-lighter include quick and detailed disclosure of one's intimate information as well as a one-sided exchange of sob stories.
This can create an uneven balance where one person ends up carrying most of the emotional weight.
Another sign could be a fast and intense emotional connection in the early stages of the romance.
The flood-lighter may also present an intense analysis of your reactions to the stories they've shared with you.
Alderson revealed that this type of behavior often stems from a place of insecurity as it can be a way of preempting rejection by showing your most vulnerable self.
'While vulnerability is essential in building a strong relationship, there's a time and place for different levels,' she explained.
'By sharing too much too quickly, you may be putting yourself at risk of being exploited or taken advantage of by someone who may not have your best interests at heart.'
The latest trend comes after it was revealed that Gen Z are ditching dating apps and looking for love on TikTok by making 'application videos' for potential suitors.
Sick of swiping and casual hook-ups, Gen Z has become increasingly skeptical about the modern state of dating - with many desperately seeking out new methods for finding partners and others even renouncing the search for love all together.
Now, a new dating trend circling on social media has young people posting boyfriend or girlfriend 'applications', offering themselves or their loved ones out to the wider world.
Several have taken to TikTok to offer themselves up as open for a relationship, with some even penning their 'pros and cons' to potential suitors, alongside pictures and videos of them looking their best.
Creators then list what they are looking for in a romantic partner, and wait for the love applicants to roll in.
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