People Are Sharing Signs Someone Is Secretly Miserable, And Wow, Now I Need A Hug
Reddit user MeteorIntrovert asked, "What's a sign someone is secretly miserable?" and the responses had me deep in my feelings, and racking my brain whether or not I ever showed these signs amongst friends, family, and coworkers. Of course, there's no guarantee these responses are backed by science or research, but they're insightful nonetheless.
1."One sign is when someone's always cracking jokes or acting overly cheerful but avoids talking about how they're actually feeling. They might also pull away from close friends or suddenly lose interest in things they used to love. It's like they're trying to keep up a happy front so no one notices they're struggling inside."
—u/markjhon9898
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2."When they stop doing a hobby or something that previously made them happy."
—u/BackgroundTax6005
3."They lash out at everybody with stupid tangents unrelated to what is being talked about."
—u/Forsaken-Payment-912
4."They are always smiling and laughing when around others, but the second they're alone, the mask drops, the smile fades, and their eyes fill with emptiness. You can see it if you walk in on them or surprise them woth your presence. They don't have the time to put on the full mask, so for a few seconds, it's just an odd smile filled with panic."
—u/NvidiaPredator
5."They just sit in their car for an extended period of time before starting their journey or getting out."
—u/MarvelousOxman
6."They're unable to feel joy for others' accomplishments in life. Like when someone talks about getting married, they will bring up divorce or cheating."
—u/EnycmaPie
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7."Excessive social media posts. Especially pictures."
—u/RabbitPrevious1653
8."They go out of their way to help others. Not to say that everyone who helps others is miserable, but I've never been more motivated to be there for others' tough times than when I was going through my own shit. I guess I did it thinking that helping others would make me feel better about myself."
—u/NervousSeagull
9."People who post mean comments about others online are absolutely projecting their own insecurities."
—u/Bestie-Ethel
10."When they are never actually happy or emotionally open around anyone. The people who grin through it and try to hide their own suffering in order to keep others happy are the ones who are the worst off on their own."
—u/tossawaysexter
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11."When I was depressed and in a dead-end relationship, I had so many cynical and mean thoughts about everyone and everything, which I was always trying to justify or rationalize away because really I knew it wasn't nice and didn't understand why I'd become so negative. It almost completely stopped when my life and mental health improved. I've tried really hard to learn from it, and I barely recognize the person I was before. It's amazing how we can project our state of mind onto our surroundings like that."
—u/Dry-Hat
12."When you ask how they are, they say they're tired because that's easier than having to explain."
—u/puppygrowl
13."Non-stop comparing themselves to everyone else, bringing it back to them anytime something nice happens to someone else."
—u/GlassCrepe
14."Not quite as secret as some others, but still: pessimism. Expecting things to be difficult, to turn out worse for you than they do for others, expecting yourself to perform worse, etc. It might sometimes be done in a joking manner, or in a 'stone cold realist' manner, but in the end, it's self-sabotage. Thinking things aren't going to work out leads you to act like things won't work out until you finally cause them to not work out. That way, you get the satisfaction of feeling in control at the cost of ruining your own happiness."
—u/peachandpeony
15."They care more about money, luxury and things than they do about people and experiences."
—u/ADHD-OCDandWEEDZ
16."When they are constantly picking you apart, your personality, your looks, how you act, etc. It is all down to the projection of their own insecurities. I used to have a friend who was like this. It was a nightmare, and I'm happier to get rid of her. I remember thinking, 'I didn't even do anything or say anything.'"
—u/nightowl_1109
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17."The friend or coworker who is always kind and friendly during casual conversations but becomes oddly guarded and hastily changes the subject when it's their turn to share something about their own life. I can see in their eyes momentarily that they may be battling something privately."
–u/Big_Moose_3847
18."Someone who dominates a conversation to make it all about themselves. When in a discussion, they can't wait to insert themselves to share their story without listening to others. Doesn't ask questions about others, and is only interested in talking about themselves. They're miserable because they don't know how to connect with others and are baffled as to why people avoid them."
—u/Banal_Drivel
19."They blame all of their problems on someone else."
—u/PlanBWorkedOutOK
20.And finally, "If they feel the need to document how happy they are. Social media is full of miserable people posting flawless photos of themselves and their families to prove to everyone that they have the perfect life."
—u/803_843_864
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Now it's your turn! Share your stories about a time you realized you might've felt really miserable, and what was your wake-up call to get some help.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
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