I'm heteroflexible — women always overestimate their oral skills

Metro

11-07-2025

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Chase*, a 30-year-old writer in Barcelona who is in multiple ethical non-monogamous (ENM) relationships.
He's heteroflexible, which is someone who is predominantly heterosexual, but is sometimes sexually attracted to (or curious about exploring) members of the same sex.
Chase has sex three times a week on average — usually all with different older women.
'My past relationship with my ex was extremely healthy and wholesome but I was never fully content and I often felt I was missing out,' Chase says.
'When I was in a long-term monogamous relationship with her, I had fantasies about relationships with sexually liberated older women.
'Now I'm living those dreams, with not just one, but several women.'
Chase has been exploring ENM for the past three years and enjoys the freedom and sexual exploration it brings. Currently he has three partners he sees regularly, but this doesn't stop him from seeing other women too.
So without further ado, here's how Chase got on this week…
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The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work .
I'm having trouble focusing on work today. I'm messaging Paula* and I'm thinking about all the things I plan to do with her later.
She's in her mid-40s, a Peruvian divorcee with two adult kids back in Lima. Now they've grown up, she's living her best life in Spain.
I love to take her out and treat her – not that I have a choice, as she always expects the hombre to pay. But she's worth every penny, and she knows it.
We've been seeing each other roughly once a week for about two years now. It's a satisfying arrangement that provides intimacy, great sex and pleasant dates without commitment.
As Paula explained when we first met: 'I don't want a husband, or a boyfriend, or a father to my kids.' That works just fine for me.
Throughout the day, I send messages to other women in my life suggesting meets later this week. Some texts are sweet, while some are romantic and dirty.
When I meet Paula in the evening, she looks magnificent. We walk hand in hand through streets buzzing with people and whenever we're pressed together by the volume of people passing by, or find a quiet corner, she grinds her ample backside against my crotch. I push back, so she can feel how irrepressibly hard she makes me.
Soon, neither of us can bear the tension any longer, so we head back to my flat.
I go down on her and when she finishes, I reach for a condom, before rolling her on her front and entering from behind. From doggy style I pull her into a spooning position so I can play with her breasts.
We end with missionary. Not the conventional kind, but with Paula's legs together and flat on the bed. It's not a position I've done with many women but it's a sure-fire way to make her finish again, and the internal waves her orgasm sends up my c**k makes me orgasm too.
As Paula has problems sleeping, she left late last night and I lie in until 10am to recover my strength.
Besides my actual work, my focus for today is to work out. Since turning my back on monogamy, working out has become crucial for my sex life.
Keeping up with multiple women, some of whom might only be sexually active with me, requires strength and stamina. All my partners know I'm ENM though, so there's no issue there. I like to take control in bed, and having muscles gives me both the confidence and the physicality to play the role of stud.
I cycle to one of Barcelona's outdoor gyms where the heat adds an extra challenge to the workout.
Despite some people's preconceptions about non-monogamy, I value quality over quantity when it comes to sex, and I always try to keep a day free between lovers to make sure I can perform at my best each time.
Instead, I see friends in the evening after work and then get a solid night's rest.
This evening I'm meeting a new chica . We've been talking for a couple of weeks on Bumble. Her name is Yewande*, and from the moment we meet, the connection is electric.
She's very confident, funny and touchy-feely, which I like, and within 10 minutes of meeting, she asks if we can kiss. I'm pleasantly surprised by her directness and forwardness. She quickly explores my mouth with her tongue, and suddenly we're Frenching in the middle of the street like horny teenagers.
Yewande tells me she's ordered some weed to pick up. She wants to buy me some too, and I mentally note that physical touch and gift-giving are clearly two of her love languages.
It's been one of the most stimulating, interesting and sexually charged first dates I've ever had, and I tell Yewande how much I've enjoyed the conversation and how much I'd like to continue – perhaps at my place?
Emotional connection is intrinsic to good sex, and so it makes sense that making love with Yewande is phenomenal. I receive a great deal of pleasure from giving pleasure to my partner, especially oral, and I want to show Yewande just how sexy I find her.
I'm pleasantly surprised to find she's an all-natural girl, a bush can be extremely erotic to me. She climaxes quickly, but I'm enjoying this too much to stop, and I bring her to orgasm again with my tongue and fingers a few minutes later.
Weed always makes me extra horny and it can help me last a really long time. My poor housemates will probably be annoyed tomorrow, but that's the last thing on my mind as I test the robustness of my bedframe.
Yewande is a self-proclaimed 'pillow princess', which means she prefers to just lie back and enjoy whatever I've got. And I give her everything.
I finally finish and collapse next to Yewande, sweaty and breathless.
I wake up rejuvenated and re-energised. I suggest we freshen up in the shower together.
Yewande takes the chance to get on her knees and show me I'm not the only one who enjoys giving pleasure. In my experience, many women vastly overestimate their oral-giving skills, but Yewande knows exactly how to vary the sensation and technique.
I rarely finish from a blowjob but this morning it's a struggle to control myself.
We start having sex standing up, but we don't feel super close, so next I lie on my back on the bed and she rides me. It's a sumptuous view, watching her grind on me. I help her to climax, but I know there's no way I'm going to finish in this position. So we end with good old-fashioned missionary, only with her legs over my shoulders.
Afterwards, I make us breakfast and we eat on my balcony. Yewande is in no rush to leave, but I have deadlines approaching, so gently guide her towards the door.
There's no doubt in my mind that we'll be seeing each other again very soon.
Today's objectives are: gym, work, and fiesta, in that order. I cycle to my favourite Barcelona beach gym and sweat it out, before heading to an Argentinian friend's co-working space for the rest of the afternoon.
Like me, this friend is a bit of a womaniser. We work until the early evening and then go drinking. Around 2am, I bump into a friend of a friend I'd met at the beach a few weeks earlier. Julia* is confident, smart and funny – exactly my type, and soon we're talking and flirting.
Unfortunately, she has a volleyball competition the next day and has to say adios . I make sure to get her Instagram and let her know how much I'd like to see her again.
Julia smiles mischievously and feigns nonchalance. But as she leaves and gives me the customary kiss on each cheek, she whispers, 'definitely' in my ear.
I don't surface until late morning and enjoy a leisurely breakfast with my housemates, then pack my rucksack for a beach day.
You never know where Saturdays might end up, so I bring a spare change of clothes, toiletries and even aftershave – just in case.
I meet my mates at the beach and we spend the entire day playing volleyball, swimming, talking, and obsessively reapplying sun cream. As evening descends, we head to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and drinks.
Several margaritas in, I consider messaging Paula or Yewande to see if they are free to meet, but I'm tired, and besides, I have another date planned for Sunday, so I resist the temptation and cycle home alone.
In the morning, I go hiking with a former housemate. After we return to the city, I shower and change, then catch the train to Tarragona, a small town down the coast where another partner lives: Sofia*.
She's a talented musician, linguist, and film enthusiast. She also turned 50 this year, but her sexual appetite remains voracious. Nevertheless, on the train I find myself thinking about Yewande, Paula and Julia.
I also see on a group WhatsApp that my friends are meeting in a park, and feel a pang of FOMO.
I meet Sofia outside her gym, conveniently close to the train station. Sofia is telling me about her orchestra practice, but it's hard to concentrate because I'm remembering the first time I came to Tarragona with my ex-girlfriend. More Trending
I can't help but contrast how easy and compelling our conversations were compared to those with Sofia. One thing I learned from the break-up was to listen to and trust my gut instinct. And now it's telling me that the connection with Sofia isn't as strong as it should be.
I try to focus on her throughout the evening, but the niggling doubt in the back of my mind won't go away. I resolve to sleep on it and if I feel the same tomorrow, to end things.
It's a shame, and Sofia will be disappointed, but from the beginning, we've been clear this is casual. And I always emphasise the importance of honesty.
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There's simply no point pursuing a connection if you're no longer feeling it, and besides, my calendar is busy with Paula and Yewande, and whoever else life throws my way.
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