As the only child of immigrants, I know the discomfort of moving into the middle class

‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

The Age

7 hours ago

The Age

‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

For generations, it has been home to some of the nation's wealthiest families and a popular spot for tennis stars to stay during the Australian Open. It also gave rise to a nickname for expensive SUVs. It is, of course, Toorak. As well as 'Toorak tractors', the suburb is known for tree-lined streets and beautiful mansions kept mostly hidden behind perfectly trimmed hedges. There's one thing the people who live and work in the suburb aren't trying to be. And that's cool. Instead, they would rather be timeless. 'Cool comes and goes,' restaurateur George Tannous says. An older couple banter with Tannous as they sit by a window and clink their glasses on a chilly Wednesday afternoon. His family has owned and run Romeo's in the heart of the village for 40 years, and it's bustling when The Age visits. Tannous, a Toorak resident, says the area is classic and classy. And he rejects the common claim that people who live in the suburb are snobby. 'I think snobby is what most people say about Toorak, but actually, they are probably some of the nicest people you'd know,' he says. They won't spend an exorbitant amount of money just because someone is watching them, he tells us. 'People have misconstrued what locals are like.' At the restaurant, they are all treated like family and treat the staff the same, he says. But others have more complex feelings about calling Toorak home. Cynthia, who asked that we not use her surname, has resided in the area for a decade, but says it took her time to say she lived in Toorak. When people asked, she told them she lived in neighbouring South Yarra, from where she moved. 'It really did take me a long time to say it,' she says. Now a passionate climate activist, Cynthia says she didn't go to a private school and grew up in Heidelberg. 'I don't feel like a Toorak-type person,' she says. 'You get typecast when you say Toorak; there's an image people have.' For her, that is someone with a lot of money, a big house and conservative attitudes. And Toorak is Melbourne's richest suburb, according to The Age 's analysis of Australian Bureau of Statistics personal income data. The typical income earners in Toorak make $81,000 a year, but the top 1 per cent make 1½ times that – in a single week. That 1 per cent make almost $7.5 million a year on average, making Toorak Melbourne's only suburb in which the top 1 per cent of income earners rake in more than $5 million a year on average. But Cynthia feels she goes against the grain. She lives in an apartment, campaigned for teal MP Monique Ryan and is a passionate activist for a progressive Australia. 'Climate change is really the most important issue for me,' Cynthia says of her politics. Through volunteering as part of the teal campaign in Kooyong, she met like-minded people in Toorak, and nearby suburbs including Armadale and Malvern. 'We all felt less alone … we felt so different from many of the people around us,' she says. As for the village and its surrounds, she says the area is tired. She says she walks to nearby Hawksburn village, with its gourmet butcher, independent fruit and vegetable shop and cafes, rather than Toorak. Tannous says the village can feel old-fashioned, but that is part of its charm. Cynthia says that high rents may deter people from wanting to start businesses in the village, either restaurants or other services that would make her want to visit regularly. It's an issue other business owners echo. In the eerily quiet Trak building is Trak Nail Studio, run by Sarah, who asked that we not use her surname. She's finishing off an elegant older woman's nails. That woman is clear about what she thinks about the village. 'It's dying,' she says. While Sarah, who has lived and worked in the suburb for decades, is less brutal, she says business owners are concerned about the vacancies and rents. There are empty shops, and she hears rumours the Trak building is slated for demolition. One part has been completely stripped to bare concrete and wires. 'It used to be quite an amazing place with a cinema, and there was a pub that was an absolute institution,' Sarah says. But she says Toorak itself is still amazing, and has wonderful people. 'It's still an old-fashioned village, but you could get shocked on the weekend with all these young families around – it's gorgeous,' she says. 'During the weekends, it's totally different here, which is fun.' Sarah won't hear a bad word about her clientele or other locals, some of whom have been seeing her weekly for more than 20 years to get their nails done. 'People think they're all hoity-toity, but they are so down-to-earth, and lovely.' They were also loyal and generous, she says. 'I know so many with money people would never understand, but they're just normal people, I just don't know why people are scared of Toorak.' Imp Jewellery founder Tony Fialides agrees. He has run his business out of Toorak since 1974, and just pips Romeo's for the longest running in the village. He also decries those who judge people for their wealth. Moments before we spoke in his shop, he had sold an expensive piece to a local woman. 'People like that woman who was just in, you couldn't get any friendlier than her. She buys it ... pays for it completely and walks out,' he says. They are the type of people who live in the area, he says. 'They're tasteful, fairly forceful, they know where they're going, and they're smart.' If people don't like that, they don't have to live in the area, he says. But Fialides, the former head of the Toorak Traders Association, also wants Stonnington Council to step up and urge landlords to drop rents to attract more businesses to the village. 'Unfortunately, the village itself is not what it used to be, but I believe it will come back,' the jeweller says. He wants to see a mix of more fashion boutiques, restaurants and upmarket gift shops join the mix. As an example, Fialides points to the success of Armadale, where the likes of Aje, Scanlan Theodore and others have headed to High Street, alongside bridal boutiques, bakeries and antique stores. The council should be encouraging that, the jeweller says. 'Toorak Village is a gem.' Despite those issues, Fialides is positive and believes the area will evolve. Toorak not been short of drama, including a dispute between entrepreneur sushi queen Anna Kasman and the Myers about an extension. Kasman's plan to add a contemporary addition to her heritage home was threatened after Stonnington approved the application but the Myers family, which owns a property next door, objected. It escalated until it ended up at VCAT. There have also been plenty of celebrities who have visited or owned property in the area. Tannous says Andre Agassi used to be a regular at Romeo's when he competed at the Australian Open, and he once hosted Coldplay's Chris Martin, along with Shane Warne. 'The girls were all losing their minds, and I had no idea who [Martin] was,' he says. Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame, once owned an apartment in the suburb. Then, of course, there's Eddie McGuire, who was spotted out and about on Wednesday. Forbes Global Properties director Michael Gibson, who specialises in luxury and prestige properties, says Toorak is one of the most sought-after suburbs in Melbourne. The suburb is full of tree-lined streets, wide boulevards and large homes on big lots close to the city, he says. 'The homes [in Toorak] are generational,' he says. 'Once people get there, they don't want to move away.' The agent says the village is undergoing a transformation, with more luxurious apartments springing up in and around it. 'It was a bit sleepy, but it seems to be rejuvenating,' he said. Many of those moving into the new luxe apartments are people selling their big homes and downsizing to something they can 'lock up and leave'. 'They want to stay within 3142 [Toorak's postcode], and they can live in a beautiful apartment, where they can walk to dinner and to the shops,' Gibson says. Morrell and Koren buyers' advocate Emma Bloom says part of Toorak's attraction is the prestige. There are aspirational suburbs in all cities, and for Melbourne that is Toorak, she says. 'In the higher-end homes, there is a big Chinese market, and they're buying in many wealthier suburbs,' she says. 'People know it's bulletproof real estate; their money will work hard for them if they invest in those areas.' While it remains challenging to find homes in Toorak, there are hidden gems for buyers if they are keen, she says. 'They're closely guarded by vendors, and it's definitely not an easy market to break into.' According to historians, when land started to be sold in the 1840s before the gold rush, the blocks were aimed at 'gentleman farmers'. The long, narrow blocks up for auction were designed to maximise the number of owners with a river frontage. But more often than not, it was land speculators who first bought the available lots at auction. The suburb's name comes from the grand house of merchant and soap maker James Jackson, built in 1849. The Italianate residence was named Toorak Estate, and the name could come from an Aboriginal word meaning a 'swamp with rushes'. The estate was built on 148 acres of prime land, which Jackson decided to keep mainly as bushland. But the family never got to live at the palatial estate. Jackson died at sea in 1851, leaving behind a pregnant wife and small children. The house went on to be leased as Government House from 1853. It would later be used by the Women's Auxiliary Australian Air Force during World War II, and in 1957 was taken over by the Swedish Lutheran Church, which still occupies the building. Meanwhile, the village started to spring up around Notley's Hotel, which opened in the mid-1850s, for travellers coming to the area. More than a decade later, the village had a nursery, a blacksmith, draper, grocer, a post office and a coach builder. There was also a dairy that produced milk on site. Notley's Hotel would remain a central feature of the village, and was rebuilt in 1870, and operated as a hotel until the mid-1990s, when it was transformed into the Tok H complex on Toorak Road. The village is particularly known for its Tudor revival buildings near Grange Road, which were added in the 1930s. This was because landowners wanted to increase the attractiveness of the area. Stonnington Council Mayor Melina Sehr says the area's heritage architecture and historical prestige are part of why the suburb is unique. 'There's a deep pride of place here, and that's reflected in the passion of the community,' she says. Ensuring development is managed in a way that respects the suburb's character is something the council often hears from the community, she says. 'Traffic congestion, particularly around key arterials and schools is another issue residents raise with us regularly,' she says. 'And, of course, ensuring public spaces and village precincts like Toorak Village continue to thrive in a changing retail landscape is a shared priority.' The council says the long-term focus is to ensure the suburb remains beautiful and liveable for decades to come, including investment in open space, upgrading streets, improving pedestrian infrastructure and protecting heritage. 'We're committed to ensuring Toorak retains its unique charm – while adapting thoughtfully to the needs of future generation,' says Sehr. While many people don't want the area to change too much, there is one request from George Tannous, the owner of Romeo's. He urges more young people to consider coming to the area, and particularly consider the older apartments. 'We've got everything here, why not?'

Sydney Morning Herald

7 hours ago

Sydney Morning Herald

‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

For generations, it has been home to some of the nation's wealthiest families and a popular spot for tennis stars to stay during the Australian Open. It also gave rise to a nickname for expensive SUVs. It is, of course, Toorak. As well as 'Toorak tractors', the suburb is known for tree-lined streets and beautiful mansions kept mostly hidden behind perfectly trimmed hedges. There's one thing the people who live and work in the suburb aren't trying to be. And that's cool. Instead, they would rather be timeless. 'Cool comes and goes,' restaurateur George Tannous says. An older couple banter with Tannous as they sit by a window and clink their glasses on a chilly Wednesday afternoon. His family has owned and run Romeo's in the heart of the village for 40 years, and it's bustling when The Age visits. Tannous, a Toorak resident, says the area is classic and classy. And he rejects the common claim that people who live in the suburb are snobby. 'I think snobby is what most people say about Toorak, but actually, they are probably some of the nicest people you'd know,' he says. They won't spend an exorbitant amount of money just because someone is watching them, he tells us. 'People have misconstrued what locals are like.' At the restaurant, they are all treated like family and treat the staff the same, he says. But others have more complex feelings about calling Toorak home. Cynthia, who asked that we not use her surname, has resided in the area for a decade, but says it took her time to say she lived in Toorak. When people asked, she told them she lived in neighbouring South Yarra, from where she moved. 'It really did take me a long time to say it,' she says. Now a passionate climate activist, Cynthia says she didn't go to a private school and grew up in Heidelberg. 'I don't feel like a Toorak-type person,' she says. 'You get typecast when you say Toorak; there's an image people have.' For her, that is someone with a lot of money, a big house and conservative attitudes. And Toorak is Melbourne's richest suburb, according to The Age 's analysis of Australian Bureau of Statistics personal income data. The typical income earners in Toorak make $81,000 a year, but the top 1 per cent make 1½ times that – in a single week. That 1 per cent make almost $7.5 million a year on average, making Toorak Melbourne's only suburb in which the top 1 per cent of income earners rake in more than $5 million a year on average. But Cynthia feels she goes against the grain. She lives in an apartment, campaigned for teal MP Monique Ryan and is a passionate activist for a progressive Australia. 'Climate change is really the most important issue for me,' Cynthia says of her politics. Through volunteering as part of the teal campaign in Kooyong, she met like-minded people in Toorak, and nearby suburbs including Armadale and Malvern. 'We all felt less alone … we felt so different from many of the people around us,' she says. As for the village and its surrounds, she says the area is tired. She says she walks to nearby Hawksburn village, with its gourmet butcher, independent fruit and vegetable shop and cafes, rather than Toorak. Tannous says the village can feel old-fashioned, but that is part of its charm. Cynthia says that high rents may deter people from wanting to start businesses in the village, either restaurants or other services that would make her want to visit regularly. It's an issue other business owners echo. In the eerily quiet Trak building is Trak Nail Studio, run by Sarah, who asked that we not use her surname. She's finishing off an elegant older woman's nails. That woman is clear about what she thinks about the village. 'It's dying,' she says. While Sarah, who has lived and worked in the suburb for decades, is less brutal, she says business owners are concerned about the vacancies and rents. There are empty shops, and she hears rumours the Trak building is slated for demolition. One part has been completely stripped to bare concrete and wires. 'It used to be quite an amazing place with a cinema, and there was a pub that was an absolute institution,' Sarah says. But she says Toorak itself is still amazing, and has wonderful people. 'It's still an old-fashioned village, but you could get shocked on the weekend with all these young families around – it's gorgeous,' she says. 'During the weekends, it's totally different here, which is fun.' Sarah won't hear a bad word about her clientele or other locals, some of whom have been seeing her weekly for more than 20 years to get their nails done. 'People think they're all hoity-toity, but they are so down-to-earth, and lovely.' They were also loyal and generous, she says. 'I know so many with money people would never understand, but they're just normal people, I just don't know why people are scared of Toorak.' Imp Jewellery founder Tony Fialides agrees. He has run his business out of Toorak since 1974, and just pips Romeo's for the longest running in the village. He also decries those who judge people for their wealth. Moments before we spoke in his shop, he had sold an expensive piece to a local woman. 'People like that woman who was just in, you couldn't get any friendlier than her. She buys it ... pays for it completely and walks out,' he says. They are the type of people who live in the area, he says. 'They're tasteful, fairly forceful, they know where they're going, and they're smart.' If people don't like that, they don't have to live in the area, he says. But Fialides, the former head of the Toorak Traders Association, also wants Stonnington Council to step up and urge landlords to drop rents to attract more businesses to the village. 'Unfortunately, the village itself is not what it used to be, but I believe it will come back,' the jeweller says. He wants to see a mix of more fashion boutiques, restaurants and upmarket gift shops join the mix. As an example, Fialides points to the success of Armadale, where the likes of Aje, Scanlan Theodore and others have headed to High Street, alongside bridal boutiques, bakeries and antique stores. The council should be encouraging that, the jeweller says. 'Toorak Village is a gem.' Despite those issues, Fialides is positive and believes the area will evolve. Toorak not been short of drama, including a dispute between entrepreneur sushi queen Anna Kasman and the Myers about an extension. Kasman's plan to add a contemporary addition to her heritage home was threatened after Stonnington approved the application but the Myers family, which owns a property next door, objected. It escalated until it ended up at VCAT. There have also been plenty of celebrities who have visited or owned property in the area. Tannous says Andre Agassi used to be a regular at Romeo's when he competed at the Australian Open, and he once hosted Coldplay's Chris Martin, along with Shane Warne. 'The girls were all losing their minds, and I had no idea who [Martin] was,' he says. Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame, once owned an apartment in the suburb. Then, of course, there's Eddie McGuire, who was spotted out and about on Wednesday. Forbes Global Properties director Michael Gibson, who specialises in luxury and prestige properties, says Toorak is one of the most sought-after suburbs in Melbourne. The suburb is full of tree-lined streets, wide boulevards and large homes on big lots close to the city, he says. 'The homes [in Toorak] are generational,' he says. 'Once people get there, they don't want to move away.' The agent says the village is undergoing a transformation, with more luxurious apartments springing up in and around it. 'It was a bit sleepy, but it seems to be rejuvenating,' he said. Many of those moving into the new luxe apartments are people selling their big homes and downsizing to something they can 'lock up and leave'. 'They want to stay within 3142 [Toorak's postcode], and they can live in a beautiful apartment, where they can walk to dinner and to the shops,' Gibson says. Morrell and Koren buyers' advocate Emma Bloom says part of Toorak's attraction is the prestige. There are aspirational suburbs in all cities, and for Melbourne that is Toorak, she says. 'In the higher-end homes, there is a big Chinese market, and they're buying in many wealthier suburbs,' she says. 'People know it's bulletproof real estate; their money will work hard for them if they invest in those areas.' While it remains challenging to find homes in Toorak, there are hidden gems for buyers if they are keen, she says. 'They're closely guarded by vendors, and it's definitely not an easy market to break into.' According to historians, when land started to be sold in the 1840s before the gold rush, the blocks were aimed at 'gentleman farmers'. The long, narrow blocks up for auction were designed to maximise the number of owners with a river frontage. But more often than not, it was land speculators who first bought the available lots at auction. The suburb's name comes from the grand house of merchant and soap maker James Jackson, built in 1849. The Italianate residence was named Toorak Estate, and the name could come from an Aboriginal word meaning a 'swamp with rushes'. The estate was built on 148 acres of prime land, which Jackson decided to keep mainly as bushland. But the family never got to live at the palatial estate. Jackson died at sea in 1851, leaving behind a pregnant wife and small children. The house went on to be leased as Government House from 1853. It would later be used by the Women's Auxiliary Australian Air Force during World War II, and in 1957 was taken over by the Swedish Lutheran Church, which still occupies the building. Meanwhile, the village started to spring up around Notley's Hotel, which opened in the mid-1850s, for travellers coming to the area. More than a decade later, the village had a nursery, a blacksmith, draper, grocer, a post office and a coach builder. There was also a dairy that produced milk on site. Notley's Hotel would remain a central feature of the village, and was rebuilt in 1870, and operated as a hotel until the mid-1990s, when it was transformed into the Tok H complex on Toorak Road. The village is particularly known for its Tudor revival buildings near Grange Road, which were added in the 1930s. This was because landowners wanted to increase the attractiveness of the area. Stonnington Council Mayor Melina Sehr says the area's heritage architecture and historical prestige are part of why the suburb is unique. 'There's a deep pride of place here, and that's reflected in the passion of the community,' she says. Ensuring development is managed in a way that respects the suburb's character is something the council often hears from the community, she says. 'Traffic congestion, particularly around key arterials and schools is another issue residents raise with us regularly,' she says. 'And, of course, ensuring public spaces and village precincts like Toorak Village continue to thrive in a changing retail landscape is a shared priority.' The council says the long-term focus is to ensure the suburb remains beautiful and liveable for decades to come, including investment in open space, upgrading streets, improving pedestrian infrastructure and protecting heritage. 'We're committed to ensuring Toorak retains its unique charm – while adapting thoughtfully to the needs of future generation,' says Sehr. While many people don't want the area to change too much, there is one request from George Tannous, the owner of Romeo's. He urges more young people to consider coming to the area, and particularly consider the older apartments. 'We've got everything here, why not?'

Cher McGillivray: How parents can respond when their child is the bully

West Australian

2 days ago

West Australian

Cher McGillivray: How parents can respond when their child is the bully

Bullying is something every parent worries about — and it's no wonder, with one in four Australian students experiencing regular bullying. The rate in Australia is one of the highest among English-speaking countries. This data gives rise to a challenging question for some families — what if my child is the bully? The fear for most parents when it comes to bullying is that their child will be the victim, and experience all the negative impacts that can come with it. But the idea that it is your child who may be the one inflicting harm can be extremely difficult for parents to process. What's often at play in these situations is that the child is responding to a perceived threat — feeling like they aren't quite fitting in, and a sense of anxiety that can manifest as anger or aggression. As children and teens, young people's brains haven't yet fully developed and as a result they are essentially living out of their limbic brain — the 'threat brain'. Every situation is different, but often when a child is engaging in bullying behaviours, there's something deeper at play. For some reason they are trying to protect themselves – their brain is responding to a threat that is sending them into fight or flight. In many cases it is a cry for help from the child, and one of the best things a parent can do is seek to understand, without judgment, what their child is feeling that might be leading to these behaviours. It can be incredibly distressing for a parent to realise that their child has been bullying others and there's often a rush to self-blame. But acknowledging the issue and using it as an opportunity to find out what's really going on for their child is the mark of a good parent who deeply cares. In research with young people who had been engaging in bullying behaviours that led them to eventually commit crimes, many said that no one had even bothered to ask them why they were bullying other kids, no one had asked what was going on for them that made them behave this way. In those teen years, the prefrontal cortex is being remodelled and teenagers are going to act without thinking. They're going to be more impulsive. They're going to be more self-conscious. They've got an undeveloped sense of self and a deep need to belong to a peer group. If they don't feel they belong at home, if they don't feel they belong at school and they don't feel that they belong in their peer group, it can often go one of two ways — they can isolate themselves, or they can try to exert some sense of control and that's when the bullying can start. One of the best ways to tackle this sensitive issue is by helping your child feel like they 'belong' at home. This means approaching a conversation about bullying with a sense of curiosity rather than anger or judgment. The worst thing we can do is to ignore it or pretend it's not happening. Remind your child that you want to understand why they have done these things, that you are here to help and that they are still loved. Even if there are consequences for their actions and behaviours, as there should be for bullying, reassure them you will still accept them and be there for them. Taking this approach of 'connection before correction' can lead to significant behaviour shifts — helping your child feel heard, understood and not judged makes them more open to change. So, if you're worried that your child might be a bully, take a deep breath, be brave, be curious and approach it with love. Dr Cher McGillivray is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Bond University

As the only child of immigrants, I know the discomfort of moving into the middle class

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‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

Cher McGillivray: How parents can respond when their child is the bully

As the only child of immigrants, I know the discomfort of moving into the middle class

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‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

‘Cool comes and goes', but Toorak would rather remain timeless

Cher McGillivray: How parents can respond when their child is the bully

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