Woman travelling 250 miles between Swansea and Essex to care for elderly parents
Lisa is caring for her elderly parents at both ends of the M4.
A woman from Swansea is travelling 250 miles between her home and Essex each week to care for her elderly mother and father.
Lisa Ferne, who provides full-time care to her father in Swansea, also travels 250 miles to Southend, Essex, each week to care for her mother.
Lisa, from Loughor, gave up her career in politics four years ago to look after her father after he developed dementia.
Months later, her mother lost her sight, meaning she needed to provide care to both elderly parents.
Like the sitcom Gavin and Stacey, Lisa maintains a long-distance relationship by travelling from her home in south Wales to Essex, driven by her love for both parents.
'You've got to face the M4 and the M25, it can take me anywhere up to nine hours for that journey," Lisa told ITV News.
'It takes a lot out of you being in the car for that amount of time. You get to the other side exhausted, you're sleeping in a different bed, and you are trying to catch up with everything mum needs the same day, so quite often I don't sleep very well.'
Lisa, 57, says despite being highly skilled, she has found it impossible to re-enter the workforce because of a lack of jobs flexible enough to support her caring responsibilities.
New research by the support group Carents has found that an estimated 400,000 workers in the UK retire early every year to care for their parents, while 44% of employers say losing staff to caring duties has harmed their business.
Lisa says her full-time caring duties have altered her life.
'It's hard sometimes, as you don't have contact with other human beings. You're fighting with medical people to try and get appointments or to try and get the right treatment for your parents.
'You don't get to see your friends anymore, family visits become few and far between. It becomes all-consuming.'
Despite having a supportive partner at home, Lisa says help and support are difficult to come by, with a feeling that the care she provides goes unnoticed.
'It's good to know there are others on the same journey as you, but it's really frustrating and upsetting that you have to fight to even get basic support sometimes from organisations like local authorities, who have adult care services set up, but they haven't got enough time or the people to give you the support you so desperately need.'
Dr Jackie Gray, founder of Carents said: 'Lisa's story is very special, but she is not unusual in our communities; we are seeing this every day. "Families are a lot more dispersed today, and we don't all live in the same home, street or city as our extended family.
'We commonly see carents travelling the whole country to keep their loved ones safe. But that is love, you go to great lengths to try and support those you love, but it is a massive undertaking.
"It does take its toll in the long run, and it's known that there are profound long-term impacts on the health and well-being of carents.'
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ITV News
21 hours ago
- ITV News
Woman travelling 250 miles between Swansea and Essex to care for elderly parents
Lisa is caring for her elderly parents at both ends of the M4. A woman from Swansea is travelling 250 miles between her home and Essex each week to care for her elderly mother and father. Lisa Ferne, who provides full-time care to her father in Swansea, also travels 250 miles to Southend, Essex, each week to care for her mother. Lisa, from Loughor, gave up her career in politics four years ago to look after her father after he developed dementia. Months later, her mother lost her sight, meaning she needed to provide care to both elderly parents. Like the sitcom Gavin and Stacey, Lisa maintains a long-distance relationship by travelling from her home in south Wales to Essex, driven by her love for both parents. 'You've got to face the M4 and the M25, it can take me anywhere up to nine hours for that journey," Lisa told ITV News. 'It takes a lot out of you being in the car for that amount of time. You get to the other side exhausted, you're sleeping in a different bed, and you are trying to catch up with everything mum needs the same day, so quite often I don't sleep very well.' Lisa, 57, says despite being highly skilled, she has found it impossible to re-enter the workforce because of a lack of jobs flexible enough to support her caring responsibilities. New research by the support group Carents has found that an estimated 400,000 workers in the UK retire early every year to care for their parents, while 44% of employers say losing staff to caring duties has harmed their business. Lisa says her full-time caring duties have altered her life. 'It's hard sometimes, as you don't have contact with other human beings. You're fighting with medical people to try and get appointments or to try and get the right treatment for your parents. 'You don't get to see your friends anymore, family visits become few and far between. It becomes all-consuming.' Despite having a supportive partner at home, Lisa says help and support are difficult to come by, with a feeling that the care she provides goes unnoticed. 'It's good to know there are others on the same journey as you, but it's really frustrating and upsetting that you have to fight to even get basic support sometimes from organisations like local authorities, who have adult care services set up, but they haven't got enough time or the people to give you the support you so desperately need.' Dr Jackie Gray, founder of Carents said: 'Lisa's story is very special, but she is not unusual in our communities; we are seeing this every day. "Families are a lot more dispersed today, and we don't all live in the same home, street or city as our extended family. 'We commonly see carents travelling the whole country to keep their loved ones safe. But that is love, you go to great lengths to try and support those you love, but it is a massive undertaking. "It does take its toll in the long run, and it's known that there are profound long-term impacts on the health and well-being of carents.'
ITV News
2 days ago
- ITV News
Pregnancy warnings for women on weight-loss jabs over 'Ozempic baby boom'
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BBC News
2 days ago
- BBC News
'I slowly realised I was running two households'
As retirement age rises for many people, more grown-up children than ever are providing their parents with the support they need to go on living independently, while also continuing to work full time themselves. It is so common now that there is even a specific term for such grown-up children who give care to elderly parents: they have become known as "carents".However, some "carents" say there is a real lack of recognition around how hard it can be to juggle two households, especially when parents and children live far Bell, one of those "carents", is preparing to take her 95-year-old father Colin to a routine hospital for Christine, who lives in Guiseley, Leeds, that means a 400-mile round trip and two days away from running her own business as her father lives in is a train journey she has made many times in the last 15 years. Her late mum, Beryl, once broke her knee in a fall and, in order for her to stay at home, Christine and her sister decided to divide up her care between them."Slowly, I realised I was running two households," Christine says."I was doing all their bills; I had more contact with their GP than mine."As Beryl's health deteriorated and Christine tried to manage her mother's palliative care long-distance alongside managing her own life, she says she eventually reached breaking emotional, Christine explains: "There were times I just wanted my mum to die because she was suffering." Having packed for her latest trip to the South, Christine takes one train into Leeds city centre and then another one to London, before finally getting the tube to her father's house. By the time she returns to Leeds, she will have been travelling for more than nine hours, all so she can accompany her father to a 10-minute appointment at a nearby pacemaker says she has been lucky to have a "really loving" relationship with her parents, but at times she has found it overwhelming trying to support them to stay at home alongside continuing her own to Dr Jackie Gray, Christine is far from Gray, a retired GP and public health consultant based in Northumberland, says she has watched the role adult children play in ageing parents' lives change "dramatically" over the course of her career. She explains that when she first qualified, it was rare to see people living past 75."But, medical advancements, people living and working longer, as well as living further away from their parents, has caused a kind of perfect storm - a societal shift," she 2020, after seeing increasing numbers of patients - usually women, she says - struggle with caring for their parents, Dr Gray launched the Carents Room website, offering forums and information. Dr Gray says "nobody really knows" how many "carents" there are, but a 2023 King's Fund report suggested that about 57% of unpaid carers were looking after a parent or means there could be up to four million people in this position in England alone, she says.A recent Carents Room survey of at least 1,000 members found more than half provided about 20 hours of care a week. Meanwhile, 70% said they had reduced their working hours or left work altogether so they could care for their to Dr Gray, family relationships can be complex and older people can find the idea of their children as carers upsetting - as can the grown-up children with siblings can also be fraught, she Dr Gray points out that "carents" can often struggle with what she calls a sense of "anticipatory grief".All of this means the support group she set up has seen a rise in people seeking help."We have a signed-up community of about 40,000 people, and that is growing by almost 100 people a day," she themes, including struggling with "life admin", appointments, travel, and balancing work commitments all emerge from the online forums and focus groups, Dr Gray explains. 'Practical solutions' According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS), there were an estimated 1.4 million so-called "sandwich" carers - people who provide care for sick, disabled, or older adult relatives as well as for dependent children - in the UK between 2021 and ONS found that 61% of "sandwich" carers were also found that in England, the North East had the highest proportion of unpaid carers, at 10.1%, compared to other regions, as well as the highest proportion of people providing 50 or more hours of according to figures compiled by Carers UK, in England and Wales, unpaid carers provided care worth £183bn in 2021-22 - an increase of £64.9bn since Gray says that each family affected in this way has its own set of circumstances and, crucially, each family member has their own feelings about the as the population lives longer and with more health needs, and with women also now expected to work for longer, the state's reliance on families to protect an already creaking social care system Gray says recognition and support are key."It can be hard for an adult child to accept they are a carer," she says."But once you've got that recognition in place and people feel heard, I think we're looking at really practical solutions," she says. Dr Gray explains that "coordinating healthcare" and "opportunities for respite care" could help people like Christine who care for elderly relatives. She adds that she believes "some sort of commissioner, a commissioner for frailty, perhaps" should be introduced by the government. Those taking part in Dr Gray's focus groups say more flexibility in appointment systems, as well as "carental" leave and tax breaks, might also help.A spokesperson for the government said it recognised "the immense contribution of carers who selflessly dedicate their time to supporting others, and want families to receive the support they deserve. "We have increased the Carer's Allowance earnings threshold by around an additional £2,000 a year – the biggest rise since it was introduced in 1976."We have also launched an independent review into social care, which will include exploring the needs of unpaid carers who provide vital care and support."Back in Leeds after her 400-mile round trip taking her father to his appointment, Christine Bell says at times she found it hard to think of herself as carer to her parents."I am, because without me, their house wouldn't have run, they wouldn't have had the care that they need," she says."But I want to be a daughter, first and foremost."Additional reporting by Philippa Goymer Listen to highlights from West Yorkshire on BBC Sounds, catch up with the latest episode of Look North.
