South Park Savages ICE and Kristi Noem, Sends Trump to Mar-a-Lago — Read Recap
In Wednesday's episode, Cartman is enraged when he sees Clyde start a debate podcast where he says terrible things about women and Jews. Hey, that's Cartman's thing! As Clyde explains to guidance counselor Mr. Mackey, 'I'm just trying to make my nut, man.' (DoorDash isn't free, you know.) But then P.C. Principal fires Mr. Mackey because the government is cutting back on 'unnecessary expenses,' and Mr. Mackey is left wondering: 'What about my nut?'
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Mackey goes to the bank to look at his finances, and it's grim: His nut is $8,000 a month. ('I had no idea my nut was that big.') He can't find a job as a counselor, so he has to work for ICE rounding up undocumented immigrants because they're the only ones hiring: 'We don't ask for experience!… We don't care if you've read a book!' Mackey goes to the recruitment center and is immediately hired, and they show him an orientation video starring Homeland Security head Kristi Noem, who shoots dogs dead when she's not locking up immigrants. (Oh, and she doesn't look great without makeup on.)
While Cartman takes over Clyde's podcast and becomes a 'master debater,' sporting a Charlie Kirk haircut, Mackey is handed a machine gun and sent out on his first ICE raid… at a Dora the Explorer concert. He and the other ICE agents rush in and arrest dad and grandmas, even Dora herself. Noem is pleased — but her Botox falters, and her face melts like a hot candle. ICE's overreach leads to angry protests in Denver, where one protestor argues 'there are many Latinos in heaven.' So Noem sends her ICE agents to heaven to round up all the Hispanic angels: 'If it's brown, it goes down.' By now, though, her face falls completely off and scurries away.
Mackey's making good money as an ICE agent, but as his income increases, so does his nut. Noem has good news, though: The President has invited Mackey to Mar-a-Lago to thank him personally. He's flown down to Trump's pleasure palace, where Trump emerges in a pristine white suit like Ricardo Montalban from Fantasy Island — while his VP J.D. Vance is reduced to playing the pint-sized Tattoo. Trump wants to promote Mackey to head of homeland security, he says. But what about Noem? 'Her face freaks me out,' Trump admits.
Mackey gets cold feet, though, when Trump pulls him into a bedroom with Satan — yikes — and as he tries to escape, Mackey finds that Mar-a-Lago is just a house of horrors. Even fellow guest Clyde is disillusioned: 'Just wanted to make my nut, sir. Didn't really want all this.' Mackey understands, telling the kid: 'If you're doing something you don't really believe in just to make your nut, you're gonna find that you just get sadder, and your nut just gets bigger.' They decide to leave together, with the help of Superman's flying dog Krypto… well, until Noem takes out poor Krypto with a sniper rifle. But when her face crawls off and leaves the ICE agents scrambling to recover it, that gives Mackey and the immigrants enough time to escape. All's well that ends well, we guess.
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