
Why True Mental Health Support For Moms Starts With Community
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Parental burnout is at an all-time high. According to the U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory, nearly half of parents report that their daily stress feels overwhelming. For moms, the traditional self-care narrative—baths, candles, solo yoga classes—often feels more like a Band-Aid than a true salve. Recognizing this, Calm, the leading mental health platform, has launched Not Calm Moms, a bold new initiative reframing maternal mental health around the community, not unattainable notions of serenity.
Featuring voices like comedian and mom Ilana Glazer and grounded in research from leading experts, including California Surgeon General Dr. Diana Ramos and Never Enough author Jennifer Wallace, Not Calm Moms is about real connection, honest conversations, and meaningful support.
Here's why this campaign—and the larger shift it represents—could be the beginning of a much-needed maternal mental health revolution.
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"Moms are often told to put our oxygen mask on first," says Jennifer Wallace, bestselling author of Never Enough. "But it's actually our friends who are the oxygen."
Wallace, whose research on "mattering" shows that feeling seen and valued is critical for mental health, believes that initiatives like Not Calm Moms are tackling maternal burnout at its roots.
"Decades of research make clear that a child's resilience is rooted in the resilience of their caregivers," Wallace explains. "And our resilience doesn't come from the kind of 'me time' marketed by the multi-billion-dollar self-care industry—it comes from the depth and strength of our relationships."
By hosting Rage Rooms in cities across the country, launching a Reddit community for moms, and building digital spaces for peer support, Calm's initiative helps mothers find the "villages" that have long been missing in modern parenting.
Tired, burnt-out mother with baby in her arms and out of focus children run around. Mother is ... More sitting on floor in living room, among vacuum cleaner, laundry and children running around.
Feeling invisible is an all-too-common experience for mothers today—and the consequences ripple far beyond the individual.
"So many mothers feel invisible, even when they're doing some of the most essential work in our homes and communities," says Wallace. "Moms feel like they matter when they're seen and appreciated—not just for what they do, but for who they are as people."
Wallace points to small but meaningful shifts that can make a difference: employers offering flexible work schedules, remote options, or simply checking in personally; policymakers pushing for paid leave and affordable childcare; and society at large challenging the outdated notion that caregiving is a solitary burden.
"When a mom feels valued, her mental health improves, and so does the well-being of her entire family," Wallace notes. "That's the ripple effect of mattering."
Tired mother, trying to pour coffee in the morning. Woman lying on kitchen table after sleepless ... More night, trying to drink coffee
The rise of perfectionism, particularly among younger generations, is well-documented—and deeply concerning. Studies link perfectionism to heightened anxiety, depression, and social isolation.
"Mothers today are navigating a culture that glorifies unattainable standards, often amplified by social media," Wallace says. "Not Calm Moms helps by normalizing imperfection. It creates space for mothers to drop the facade, share real experiences, and build relationships that truly support resilience and well-being."
Rather than pushing moms to do more—or pretend to enjoy the chaos—Calm's campaign validates the messy, complicated, beautiful realities of modern motherhood.
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Dr. Diana Ramos, California's Surgeon General, and a passionate women's health advocate, sees Not Calm Moms as filling critical gaps where traditional maternal healthcare often falls short.
"As both a public health leader and a mother, I know firsthand how important emotional support is—and how often our current systems overlook this need," Ramos says. "Community-based initiatives like Not Calm Moms meet mothers exactly where they are, providing not just resources but meaningful connections."
Drawing from her own Latina background, Ramos reflects on the cultural practice of La Cuarentena—a 40-day postpartum rest period—which, while rooted in tradition, can sometimes intensify feelings of isolation.
"Research confirms that strong social support can significantly reduce burnout and depression," Ramos adds. "By embracing community instead of perfection, Calm fills a crucial gap in maternal mental health care—acknowledging the real, lived experiences of motherhood with credible, compassionate support."
Serious men and women sitting in a circle during group therapy, supporting each other.
The systemic challenges mothers face are not new—but addressing them with intention and innovation is vital.
"I would like to see a future where community-based resources, peer support, and integrated mental health services become standard care," Ramos says. "Maternal health directly influences the physical and emotional development of a child, setting them on a healthy lifelong trajectory."
Ramos emphasizes that the stakes are especially high for low-income mothers, who often face additional barriers like limited access to healthcare, inadequate social support, and financial stress.
"By providing culturally relevant healthcare services and emotional support, we can not only reduce health disparities but build stronger families and healthier communities."
Low angle view of group of people in circle and holding their fists together during a group therapy ... More session. People with fist put together during support group session.
Perhaps the most revolutionary act Not Calm Moms is undertaking? Making it normal—and okay—for moms to talk openly about rage, burnout, and struggle.
"Normalizing conversations about maternal rage, burnout, and mental health is not only important—it's transformative," Ramos says. "When mothers feel safe to share their struggles, it dismantles stigma and creates pathways for support, empathy, and healing."
Ultimately, the goal isn't to make motherhood less chaotic. It's to make sure no mother has to navigate it feeling unseen, unsupported, or alone.
"Let's imagine a future where every mom feels validated, seen, and cared for," Ramos says. "This is the powerful legacy we can create—one honest conversation, one supportive community at a time."
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Buzz Feed
15 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
Plastic Surgeons Reveal Procedures They'd Never Get
Although I grew up with quite a few doctors in the family, I've always been scared of surgery — and that includes plastic surgery. Maybe it's that the two surgeries I've had in my life were too much for me to more likely, perhaps I've seen one too many botched surgery videos on the internet. And I guess that isn't gonna change. Because recently, Reddit user Topgunner85 asked, "Plastic surgeons of Reddit, what body-altering surgery would you never get and why?" and the answers have low-key transformed my reluctance into an absolute "no." That, and they're just really freakin' interesting. So here's what people said: "Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs) carry a surprisingly high mortality rate and the recovery is brutal." "I would never get a 'nonsurgical' or 'liquid' rhinoplasty. Most of the time that's just filler injected into the nose. There is a risk of filler in this location causing you to go blind." "My sister is an opthalmic surgeon, and her take on LASIK is terrifying." "I would never have an operation to change height — for example, leg lengthening. This is one of the most traumatic and painful operations, with long recovery, risks of complications, and all for the sake of aesthetic or social conformity. The operation involves bone fracture, their stretching with the help of devices and months — or even years — of pain and rehabilitation. At the same time, the result may be unstable, and expectations may be inflated. For me, it would be too high a price for trying to meet external standards. I'd rather work on accepting myself and finding an environment where growth doesn't matter." "Iris depigmentation laser surgery. The risks of blindness or complications are quite high. And it looks shit." "Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, awake and present. I would say fox eye lift, threads lifts, and rib removal." "As an injector, I hate consulting for thread lifts, and was so glad when our medical director said we weren't offering them anymore. Most of the clients wanting threads just need to get a facelift." "I'm just a nurse, but I'll say liposuction is a popular answer. It's horrible on the body, with a high risk of infection and bleeding and embolism. And better results with diet and exercise." "360 lifts and abdominoplasty (tummy tuck). Basically anything that involves removing large amounts of skin and tissue. It's even worse if they combine it with liposuction. Because I think the complications are serious enough to warrant very careful consideration from people that do need it. Just because a surgery can improve a person's quality of life doesn't mean we should ignore the potential risks." "My quick answer is rib removal and buccal fat removal. But also: there is a space for discussing procedures as being awful, but what's more important is WHO is doing the surgery. The aesthetics community is riddled with non-plastic surgeons doing procedures beyond their scope of practice. Oral surgeon doing BBLs? Dermatologists doing breast implants? Uncertified people doing invasive facial injection procedures? That's just skimming the top of what is going on in my city." "I'd stay away from anything that involves going to another country to get something discount. One of the issues with surgery, any surgery, is that they often have complications. You could either find yourself paying insanity-level money for correction, or simply live as whatever monster a shady butcher left you as." "My cousin is a surgeon, and he said, 'Don't ever get a nose job unless you've got at least $30,000 ready in case you need a revision.'" "Med tech here. I'd say Botox in any form, unless medically necessary. You are injecting a paralytic toxin from bacteria which along of the desired effects of smoothing out wrinkles can also lead to a host of neurological issues that far outweigh the perceived benefit." "Honestly? Rib removal surgery — just to get a smaller waist or 'Barbie' silhouette. As someone who's been around medical tourism and seen both great and terrible results, I've noticed that anything messing with internal structure like that is playing with fire. It's not just about aesthetics — your ribs protect your organs. Removing them is risky, painful, and recovery can be brutal. I've seen people fly across the world for cheap procedures like this, only to end up with nerve damage or breathing problems." "I'd never get tongue splitting — it's permanent, can mess with speech, and just isn't worth the risk. I'd rather not gamble with how I talk or eat." "A DIEP flap for breast reconstruction. It's a much bigger surgery than they expect, and it's got such a difficult recovery that takes so long. My patients who opt for the tissue expander to implant instead have a much easier recovery." "Hair implants. The implants are definitely visible, the donor area always gets rare, and if you don't take finasteride (a drug that has impotence as a possible side effect), the hair between the plugs WILL fall. It may be a good procedure for some, and I know many people who are happy with the results, but I'd rather keep my penis functioning than my hair. And yes, I know, not everyone gets those side effects. But many do, and in some cases, they are permanent." "I work in surgery, and TBH, I would basically not get anything done unless it's medically necessary or going to significantly improve my quality of life after exhausting all other options (like to relieve pain, make breathing easier, etc)." If you're a medical professional, tell us which procedures you'd never get done! Submit your response in this form, or write it in the comments below. Either way, we wanna hear it! And make sure to check out BuzzFeed Canada on Instagram and TikTok for more!
Yahoo
21 hours ago
- Yahoo
People Are Revealing The Worst, Most Unprofessional Thing A Doctor Has Ever Said To Them, And I'm Absolutely Furious
A Reddit user recently posed the question, "What's the worst thing a medical professional has said to either you or someone you know?" While most healthcare workers are compassionate, hard-working, and brilliant, many flaws in the system cannot be ignored. Bias, differences of opinion, lack of research, hubris, and other factors can interfere with a patient's ability to get proper care. Here are 27 stories from people who felt dismissed by the professionals they turned to during their time of need: 1."A psychiatrist told me my depression would go away if I just 'smiled more and wore prettier clothes.' I was literally there because I couldn't get out of bed for weeks. Still makes my blood boil thinking about it." —SpicyBabygirl1 2."I told the doctor I was not having periods anymore, and I was having hot flashes. They said, 'You women are always fantasizing about health problems. Are you really trying to say you're experiencing menopause in your 30s? I'm so embarrassed for you that I'm not even going to put it in your chart.' A year later, I finally saw an endocrinologist. When he looked at my bloodwork, he was shocked. I was post menopausal. 'Why didn't you tell anyone?' It took a few years, but it turned out to be a flare of psoriatic arthritis that killed my ovaries." —Dessertcrazy 3."I was having dizzy spells so bad that I couldn't stand without vomiting or falling down. Like, I woke up one day and couldn't walk in a straight line. I saw an ENT and had an MRI on my ear. Turned out I had a physical anomaly in my ear. I'm missing a bone/some tissue that would normally separate a main artery from my inner ear. As I age and things sag, the artery pushes straight against my inner ear, causing tinnitus and making me dizzy. While explaining the results of my MRI to me, the ENT then said, 'And guess what we can do to treat it?' all full of glee and with excitement. Dumbfounded, I stammered before he exclaimed, 'NOTHINNGGGG!!!!! Hahahaha.' I literally just started sobbing. I was 28 and suddenly couldn't walk, and this man was laughing at my diagnosis." —sabdariffa 4."While half-asleep at around 6 a.m., I stepped out into thin air halfway down the stairs and fell about six feet directly onto my right ankle. An emergency room doctor, the only available doctor in town, said 'You've probably only sprained it. You need to walk on it to get it to heal,' after a visual inspection from six feet away. He didn't touch it or even bend down to get a closer look. He refused to call the X-ray tech in for something so minor. I had to wait until the following morning to get one of my staff to drive me to the next town over (an hour away) to see another doctor who immediately had me X-rayed for my broken ankle and torn ligaments. I was off that foot for like four months." "My intellectually disabled sister had frequent vomiting and fever, and her skin turned yellow. The ER doctor said it was a tummy bug. I pushed the issue because, you know, her skin turned yellow. In a huff, he sent her to get an ultrasound to 'get me off his back and put my mind at ease.' The ultrasound guy had a look, went and got his boss, who came and also had a look, and asked, 'Are you in any pain?' My sister replied, 'A little bit,' and the ultrasound boss was like, 'You should be in absolute agony.' She had massive gallstones and an infection. Immediate emergency surgery. Never saw that first dipshit again." —princecoo 5."I have a genetic condition that (among other things) causes my joints to spontaneously dislocate or sublux. This is extremely painful, obviously. For me, the first joint this started happening to was my shoulder. It's a very shallow joint, and if the head of the humerus moves out of place enough, it starts to wear down the cartilage and make it easier for it to slip out again in the future. Before I got diagnosed, I just knew that I had a fucked-up shoulder that was really painful sometimes. I'd seen many doctors about it, and one had finally referred me to an orthopaedic specialist. I remember being so excited about the appointment because I was finally going to get some answers and stop being in pain all the time. He was an older guy, and after listening to my story, he just said: 'I think you should consider a breast reduction.'" —calibrateichabod 6."A doctor told me a particular problem I had was my weight. I said, 'It's been there when I was underweight, overweight, and everything in between. If you can tell me the magic number on the scale where it won't be a problem, I will try my damndest to get there.' Lost the weight again, and it was still a problem. He's not my doctor anymore, though." —ComeHereBanana 7."I was in the ER after months of unknown stomach pain. The doctor told me it was 'probably just a virus' and that 'teenage girls tend to exaggerate their pain.' A few months later, I ended up needing emergency gallbladder surgery, which fixed the issue. Thanks for nothing, loser!" —halcyonhearted 8."My gynecologist looked at my chart and said, 'Oh, you're 32? Better hurry up and have kids before your eggs turn to dust.' I switched doctors that same day." —DesirableBabygirl 9."I was told by an ER nurse that 'God only gives what he knows you can handle.' I have multiple chronic illnesses. Another time in the ER, a male nurse said I had an obstruction in my pelvic area after a scan. I said yes, I'm wearing a menstrual cup. This confused child looked me in the eyes and said, 'Well, there shouldn't be any obstructions. I can check it out if you like.' I screamed at him that if he didn't know what a menstrual cup was, he sure as shit wasn't going anywhere near my vagina. The patient on the other side of the curtain cracked up at the exchange." —oonlyyzuul Related: Adults Are Sharing Their "I Can't Believe I Have To Explain This To Another Adult" Stories, And I Need A Break From Life After Reading These 10."I was exhausted, kept getting sick (colds/flu), and just didn't feel right. I was told, 'I don't think anything is wrong except that you're a mum and they're always tired.' I pushed for blood work and was low on vitamin D, anaemic, and needed an iron infusion. I had a history of poor iron levels, but apparently I was just 'tired.'" —External_Camp 11."I went in with complaints of severe abdominal pain, and the gyno told me, 'Well, good news. At least pain won't kill you.'" —amancanandican 12."'No, I'm not going to redo your PAP. It's not unusual to have an abnormal test once in a while. Come back in six months, and if it's still abnormal, we will look into it.' I didn't like that, so I got a second opinion. I had endometrial cancer with a bonus ovarian tumor. The ovarian tumor could have metastasized quickly if I hadn't had surgery as soon as I did. Thankfully, all was caught in time and I didn't need chemo or radiation, but I can't help but think of the people who trusted this doctor's word and got a different diagnosis." —stellarseren 13."When my brother was born, he was unable to swallow. He was in the NICU; they had him on a feeding tube and were suctioning him regularly to keep him from aspirating. On Mother's Day, my mom asked the head of the NICU what his odds were of surviving, and without even looking at her, he said, 'Your son can't swallow. People who can't swallow eventually choke on their secretions and die.' And then he walked away. My brother just turned 40. Fuck that doctor." —dorky2 14."I was newly married and went to the doctor to get back on the antidepressants I had been on in the past. I've had awful anxiety and depression my whole life, but I had to get off my meds since I lost insurance. I got insurance again after getting married. The doctor wanted to try me on some new meds, and I told her I just wanted to be on my old ones, and she said, 'Well, since you're newly married, you might want to try something new and stronger since depression and anxiety normally cause problems in marriages. You wouldn't want to ruin your new marriage, would you?' I never went back to that doctor again." —SnooCupcakes1551 Related: "It Was Driving Everyone Bonkers With Mystery": 49 Times The Internet Came Together To Identify Weird Items That Had Everyone Completely Stumped 15."The guy really WANTED my symptoms to be fake because that was the conclusion he'd already drawn and he was really pissed off when a few things in my tests turned out to be slightly elevated enough that he couldn't deny me care. He gave this big, frustrated sigh and said, 'Look, you're [blah blah] levels are slightly elevated, so I'm going to admit you, but...' and then he trailed off because I think he realized he'd get in trouble for whatever he planned to say next. It's good he did too because it turns out I was totally right and we caught something that could have been VERY dangerous very early." —Popular_Try_5075 16."'Migraines aren't a real thing.' This was after I'd just had a bad one that lasted three days with me in bed, unable to tolerate lights or sound. Yep, I found a new doctor." —Agitated-Income9146 17."When I told my pediatric psychologist that I was seeing things that I was pretty sure weren't real, she told me, 'Well, some people are just more attuned to the other side.' When I moved, I finally got a new psychologist who recognized that I was having manic episodes with hallucinations and put me on a mood stabilizer." —sleepy_protagonist 18."Over the course of 20 years, I've often had my pain dismissed as period cramps. The last doctor told me he'd send me to a psychiatrist if I came back because he didn't think my pain was real. By the time they found the issue, I had an ovarian mass the size of my head in my abdomen and pelvis. It had already developed into cancer. Had any one of the dozens of doctors I went to over the course of 20 years even done a simple ultrasound, this would have been caught before it was cancer." —Frosty_Comparison_85 19."Someone I know was explaining that she has an iron deficiency but was afraid to watch her diet too much (to manage this deficiency) because it could make her fall back into anorexia (for which she's had hospitalizations in the past), especially at the moment when she was very stressed (new job, break-up, etc.). The doctor looked her up and down and said, 'Oh, it's okay. You don't seem to be at risk of anorexia.' Not only is this a ridiculous remark (and very dangerous given the situation explained), but she was just at her ideal weight and was a size 8 (US size). I can't imagine what it must be like for people with eating disorders who are actually overweight." —NutrimaticTea 20."I went to see a specialist about my endo (diagnosed via laparoscopy) because I was having some worrying symptoms. My MRI scan came back normal (pretty common for endo not to be visible on the scan). He told me I should think myself lucky I didn't have something like cancer, and that he didn't want to refer me on until I was in 'real' pain. Turns out my deep infiltrating endo that was left untreated had now caused adenomyosis and spread to my bladder and bowels. I WISH I had made a complaint at the time." —Old-Original1965 21."'Seven weeks of bleeding is normal. Our first availability is in another seven weeks. Come back then.' He also rolled his eyes at me and huffed with annoyed exasperation, like a bratty/moody teenager does. I had been bleeding for over seven weeks already. As this provider told me the above statement, blood had started literally gushing down my legs. It was summer, and I was wearing white shorts, so he could very clearly see blood pooling down my legs. I waddled off to the closest bathroom, cleaned myself up, and called my primary care doctor to explain the circumstances. My primary care usually doesn't handle gynecologic issues, but he was (literally) stunned into silence when I explained to him what had just happened at my usual gynecology clinic, so much so that he responded: 'I've got a buddy on duty at the ER at [hospital across town]. I'll contact him directly and let him know you're en route.'" "I grabbed an extra roll of toilet paper to cover my driver's seat so I wouldn't bleed all over it, and drove myself to that hospital. That hospital had me in an operating room barely an hour later." —disjointed_chameleon 22."I once had a cardiologist tell me he didn't recognize me with my shirt on." —MelancholyMorbs 23."'It must be caused by what's between your ears.' That's what a doctor said when my girlfriend's kidneys were literally failing. This went on for years." —ww59GV 24."I was living in two rooms with two small children, going through a stressful and unpleasant divorce at 25. I went to the doctor, saying I thought I was depressed, and she said, 'You don't look depressed.' I was too depressed and defeated to argue." —Important-Sundae1418 25."During a routine women's wellness exam, including a breast exam, a male doctor told me, 'You know, you can fix your asymmetrical breasts with plastic surgery.' He then proceeded to tell me what all the options were, including different-sized implants, fat transfer, etc. The young female medical assistant who was required to be in the room looked absolutely horrified." —Ok-Passenger-4855 26."I was trying to get a referral for a new OB-GYN for a hysterectomy after bleeding nearly every day for two years, and my female PCP says to me that I didn't need one. Since I had not had kids, my uterus was 'hungry' and I just needed to drink celery juice instead of coffee." —TMNTiff "I was having severe pain and digestive issues, undergoing a lot of medical tests. It turned out I had gall bladder disease, and a gallstone was cutting into the duct. I was hospitalized for the third time, and my kidneys were shutting down (along with other systemic failures), and they sent a psychiatrist to talk to me. He accused me of making everything up, not having friends, and generally causing problems. The next day, they did an exploratory surgery and found the problem with my gall bladder. I was angry and hurt that the doctor accused me of basically lying. For the record, I'm female. My story happens to a LOT of women." —LyricalWillow Have you ever dealt with a condescending or dismissive doctor who ended up being totally wrong about your condition? What happened? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form. Also in Internet Finds: The History We're Taught Is Wildly Sanitized, So Here 28 Disturbing Historical Events Everyone Should Be Aware Of Also in Internet Finds: People Who Never Believed In The Supernatural Are Revealing What Made Them Change Their Minds, And I'm Terrified Also in Internet Finds: "The Job Is A Complete Joke": People Are Revealing Professions That Are Wayyyyy Too Respected, And I Want To Know If You Agree


Buzz Feed
21 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
27 Unprofessional Ways Doctors Dealt With Patients
A Reddit user recently posed the question, "What's the worst thing a medical professional has said to either you or someone you know?" While most healthcare workers are compassionate, hard-working, and brilliant, many flaws in the system cannot be ignored. Bias, differences of opinion, lack of research, hubris, and other factors can interfere with a patient's ability to get proper care. Here are 27 stories from people who felt dismissed by the professionals they turned to during their time of need: "A psychiatrist told me my depression would go away if I just 'smiled more and wore prettier clothes.' I was literally there because I couldn't get out of bed for weeks. Still makes my blood boil thinking about it." "I told the doctor I was not having periods anymore, and I was having hot flashes. They said, 'You women are always fantasizing about health problems. Are you really trying to say you're experiencing menopause in your 30s? I'm so embarrassed for you that I'm not even going to put it in your chart.' A year later, I finally saw an endocrinologist. When he looked at my bloodwork, he was shocked. I was post menopausal. 'Why didn't you tell anyone?' It took a few years, but it turned out to be a flare of psoriatic arthritis that killed my ovaries." "I was having dizzy spells so bad that I couldn't stand without vomiting or falling down. Like, I woke up one day and couldn't walk in a straight line. I saw an ENT and had an MRI on my ear. Turned out I had a physical anomaly in my ear. I'm missing a bone/some tissue that would normally separate a main artery from my inner ear. As I age and things sag, the artery pushes straight against my inner ear, causing tinnitus and making me dizzy. While explaining the results of my MRI to me, the ENT then said, 'And guess what we can do to treat it?' all full of glee and with excitement. Dumbfounded, I stammered before he exclaimed, 'NOTHINNGGGG!!!!! Hahahaha.' I literally just started sobbing. I was 28 and suddenly couldn't walk, and this man was laughing at my diagnosis." "While half-asleep at around 6 a.m., I stepped out into thin air halfway down the stairs and fell about six feet directly onto my right ankle. An emergency room doctor, the only available doctor in town, said 'You've probably only sprained it. You need to walk on it to get it to heal,' after a visual inspection from six feet away. He didn't touch it or even bend down to get a closer look. He refused to call the X-ray tech in for something so minor. I had to wait until the following morning to get one of my staff to drive me to the next town over (an hour away) to see another doctor who immediately had me X-rayed for my broken ankle and torn ligaments. I was off that foot for like four months." "I have a genetic condition that (among other things) causes my joints to spontaneously dislocate or sublux. This is extremely painful, obviously. For me, the first joint this started happening to was my shoulder. It's a very shallow joint, and if the head of the humerus moves out of place enough, it starts to wear down the cartilage and make it easier for it to slip out again in the future. Before I got diagnosed, I just knew that I had a fucked-up shoulder that was really painful sometimes. I'd seen many doctors about it, and one had finally referred me to an orthopaedic specialist. I remember being so excited about the appointment because I was finally going to get some answers and stop being in pain all the time. He was an older guy, and after listening to my story, he just said: 'I think you should consider a breast reduction.'" "A doctor told me a particular problem I had was my weight. I said, 'It's been there when I was underweight, overweight, and everything in between. If you can tell me the magic number on the scale where it won't be a problem, I will try my damndest to get there.' Lost the weight again, and it was still a problem. He's not my doctor anymore, though." "I was in the ER after months of unknown stomach pain. The doctor told me it was 'probably just a virus' and that 'teenage girls tend to exaggerate their pain.' A few months later, I ended up needing emergency gallbladder surgery, which fixed the issue. Thanks for nothing, loser!" "My gynecologist looked at my chart and said, 'Oh, you're 32? Better hurry up and have kids before your eggs turn to dust.' I switched doctors that same day." "I was told by an ER nurse that 'God only gives what he knows you can handle.' I have multiple chronic illnesses. Another time in the ER, a male nurse said I had an obstruction in my pelvic area after a scan. I said yes, I'm wearing a menstrual cup. This confused child looked me in the eyes and said, 'Well, there shouldn't be any obstructions. I can check it out if you like.' I screamed at him that if he didn't know what a menstrual cup was, he sure as shit wasn't going anywhere near my vagina. The patient on the other side of the curtain cracked up at the exchange." "I was exhausted, kept getting sick (colds/flu), and just didn't feel right. I was told, 'I don't think anything is wrong except that you're a mum and they're always tired.' I pushed for blood work and was low on vitamin D, anaemic, and needed an iron infusion. I had a history of poor iron levels, but apparently I was just 'tired.'" "I went in with complaints of severe abdominal pain, and the gyno told me, 'Well, good news. At least pain won't kill you.'" "'No, I'm not going to redo your PAP. It's not unusual to have an abnormal test once in a while. Come back in six months, and if it's still abnormal, we will look into it.' I didn't like that, so I got a second opinion. I had endometrial cancer with a bonus ovarian tumor. The ovarian tumor could have metastasized quickly if I hadn't had surgery as soon as I did. Thankfully, all was caught in time and I didn't need chemo or radiation, but I can't help but think of the people who trusted this doctor's word and got a different diagnosis." "When my brother was born, he was unable to swallow. He was in the NICU; they had him on a feeding tube and were suctioning him regularly to keep him from aspirating. On Mother's Day, my mom asked the head of the NICU what his odds were of surviving, and without even looking at her, he said, 'Your son can't swallow. People who can't swallow eventually choke on their secretions and die.' And then he walked away. My brother just turned 40. Fuck that doctor." "I was newly married and went to the doctor to get back on the antidepressants I had been on in the past. I've had awful anxiety and depression my whole life, but I had to get off my meds since I lost insurance. I got insurance again after getting married. The doctor wanted to try me on some new meds, and I told her I just wanted to be on my old ones, and she said, 'Well, since you're newly married, you might want to try something new and stronger since depression and anxiety normally cause problems in marriages. You wouldn't want to ruin your new marriage, would you?' I never went back to that doctor again." "The guy really WANTED my symptoms to be fake because that was the conclusion he'd already drawn and he was really pissed off when a few things in my tests turned out to be slightly elevated enough that he couldn't deny me care. He gave this big, frustrated sigh and said, 'Look, you're [blah blah] levels are slightly elevated, so I'm going to admit you, but...' and then he trailed off because I think he realized he'd get in trouble for whatever he planned to say next. It's good he did too because it turns out I was totally right and we caught something that could have been VERY dangerous very early." "'Migraines aren't a real thing.' This was after I'd just had a bad one that lasted three days with me in bed, unable to tolerate lights or sound. Yep, I found a new doctor." "When I told my pediatric psychologist that I was seeing things that I was pretty sure weren't real, she told me, 'Well, some people are just more attuned to the other side.' When I moved, I finally got a new psychologist who recognized that I was having manic episodes with hallucinations and put me on a mood stabilizer." "Over the course of 20 years, I've often had my pain dismissed as period cramps. The last doctor told me he'd send me to a psychiatrist if I came back because he didn't think my pain was real. By the time they found the issue, I had an ovarian mass the size of my head in my abdomen and pelvis. It had already developed into cancer. Had any one of the dozens of doctors I went to over the course of 20 years even done a simple ultrasound, this would have been caught before it was cancer." "Someone I know was explaining that she has an iron deficiency but was afraid to watch her diet too much (to manage this deficiency) because it could make her fall back into anorexia (for which she's had hospitalizations in the past), especially at the moment when she was very stressed (new job, break-up, etc.). The doctor looked her up and down and said, 'Oh, it's okay. You don't seem to be at risk of anorexia.' Not only is this a ridiculous remark (and very dangerous given the situation explained), but she was just at her ideal weight and was a size 8 (US size). I can't imagine what it must be like for people with eating disorders who are actually overweight." "I went to see a specialist about my endo (diagnosed via laparoscopy) because I was having some worrying symptoms. My MRI scan came back normal (pretty common for endo not to be visible on the scan). He told me I should think myself lucky I didn't have something like cancer, and that he didn't want to refer me on until I was in 'real' pain. Turns out my deep infiltrating endo that was left untreated had now caused adenomyosis and spread to my bladder and bowels. I WISH I had made a complaint at the time." "'Seven weeks of bleeding is normal. Our first availability is in another seven weeks. Come back then.' He also rolled his eyes at me and huffed with annoyed exasperation, like a bratty/moody teenager does. I had been bleeding for over seven weeks already. As this provider told me the above statement, blood had started literally gushing down my legs. It was summer, and I was wearing white shorts, so he could very clearly see blood pooling down my legs. I waddled off to the closest bathroom, cleaned myself up, and called my primary care doctor to explain the circumstances. My primary care usually doesn't handle gynecologic issues, but he was (literally) stunned into silence when I explained to him what had just happened at my usual gynecology clinic, so much so that he responded: 'I've got a buddy on duty at the ER at [hospital across town]. I'll contact him directly and let him know you're en route.'" "I once had a cardiologist tell me he didn't recognize me with my shirt on." "'It must be caused by what's between your ears.' That's what a doctor said when my girlfriend's kidneys were literally failing. This went on for years." "I was living in two rooms with two small children, going through a stressful and unpleasant divorce at 25. I went to the doctor, saying I thought I was depressed, and she said, 'You don't look depressed.' I was too depressed and defeated to argue." "During a routine women's wellness exam, including a breast exam, a male doctor told me, 'You know, you can fix your asymmetrical breasts with plastic surgery.' He then proceeded to tell me what all the options were, including different-sized implants, fat transfer, etc. The young female medical assistant who was required to be in the room looked absolutely horrified." "I was trying to get a referral for a new OB-GYN for a hysterectomy after bleeding nearly every day for two years, and my female PCP says to me that I didn't need one. Since I had not had kids, my uterus was 'hungry' and I just needed to drink celery juice instead of coffee." And: "I was having severe pain and digestive issues, undergoing a lot of medical tests. It turned out I had gall bladder disease, and a gallstone was cutting into the duct. I was hospitalized for the third time, and my kidneys were shutting down (along with other systemic failures), and they sent a psychiatrist to talk to me. He accused me of making everything up, not having friends, and generally causing problems. The next day, they did an exploratory surgery and found the problem with my gall bladder. I was angry and hurt that the doctor accused me of basically lying. For the record, I'm female. My story happens to a LOT of women." Have you ever dealt with a condescending or dismissive doctor who ended up being totally wrong about your condition? What happened? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form. Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.