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What It Means To Protect Black Communities At Work

What It Means To Protect Black Communities At Work

Buzz Feeda day ago
With great power — in any workplace, institution, or community — comes great responsibility. Many of us think of our professional responsibility in concrete and easy-to-track terms, such as goals or outcomes. But just as important, and frequently overlooked, is the responsibility to protect and defend people, especially those who have been historically marginalized and are still fighting against existential discrimination, when our institutions cause harm.
Being a minority in a large company sometimes feels like being on an island. No matter the workplace, you'll find that challenges are often similar: navigating predominantly white or privileged surroundings, seeing your own identity misrepresented or neglected, and being expected to be well-versed in white culture while others aren't always expected to know anything about your culture.
Media and tech companies, like BuzzFeed, carry an especially hefty burden. They influence culture, amplify voices, and help shape trends. When that influence is misused, the harm can reverberate loudly.
This mistake deeply hurt members of the Black community, both internally and in our audience. But instead of ignoring the issue or sweeping it under the rug, we want to use it as a case study of what any workplace or community must face when it falls short and show what it looks like to try, sincerely, to do better.
When something like this happens, take time to listen to your audience and employees about how it impacted them.
At BuzzFeed, we have employee resource groups, or ERGs for short. They're groups made as a safe space anyone can join, and the main purpose is to uplift and create community within the workplace for different underrepresented groups. We (the authors of this article, Karlton and Myke) are the leads for BIO: Black Identities and Opportunities. As leads, we have several different responsibilities, such as putting together events, fostering community, and addressing the small and large issues we feel impact our community. In this leadership role, we spoke privately, publicly, and candidly with the Black employees at BuzzFeed after the Love Island post went viral.
Here are some of their words:
Take responsibility and make genuine apologies.
It's hard to get a corporate apology right —apologies are best when they come from a human person who can show empathy. But when a mistake happens at a structural or group level, it's impossible to put a single face to that sentiment. BuzzFeed hasn't always gotten it right, especially when we leaned too heavily on corporate speak that didn't align with the voice of our brands. The key is to know that the audience and employees can feel the hollowness of a corporate apology when it's not done well. On the flip side, we must also learn to accept genuine apologies. It's okay if you're not in a place to hear the apology at the moment, nobody is telling you to shut off your emotions like a robot. Feel your anger. Embrace your disappointment or disgust. But when you're ready, be willing to accept a honest apology and step into the healing process with the energy of forgiveness. However, this is completely dependent on whether or not the apology was in fact genuine.
Double down on internal checks and balances.
At BuzzFeed, we already have several checks and balances in place. For example, we have Culture Lead Editors, who work as a guiding light for the communities they represent. They encourage, write, and edit a wide range of culturally diverse posts. We have customized tools built into our content management system, or CMS, that flag questionable, insensitive, or confusing language. We have both copy and package editors: teams who work to make sure the titles, pictures, and text within posts fit our standards and values. These are teams that would be helpful (and in our opinion, necessary) at all mass media companies. It is important for us to double down on these checks and balances throughout our entire corporation. For those who work outside of the media, it's important to strengthen or create checks and balances that work to protect historically marginalized communities.
Call out microaggressions and racism as they happen.
This is a hard one. When you feel like your job may be on the line, or you may face some type of repercussion for speaking up, the stakes are infinitely higher. So proceed with caution, but do your best to call out microaggressions and racism in real time. Oftentimes, we may wait to address an issue, but by then, it's already hindsight, and you may feel pressured to stay silent because your concern no longer feels relevant to those in power. When you see something, say something (if you can. your own safety always comes first). In many cases, the person who committed the act may not even know what they did. Which is why staying silent is even scarier, because it creates an environment for the mistake to happen again and again.
Never back down.
Malcolm X said it best: "We want freedom by any means necessary. We want justice by any means necessary. We want equality by any means necessary," and if they don't exist yet, I say, create them.Sometimes it is easier to get the ball rolling than to maintain the momentum. Many outside factors can serve as roadblocks, challenges, and discouragement when trying to hold yourself and others accountable, especially when dealing with injustices, inequality, or lack of equity. You might feel compelled to throw in the towel, whether it's government policies, company culture, fear of retaliation, or lack of resources. Don't. Keep it moving. As isolating as it might feel at times, you don't have to go at it alone. Our persistence when it came to the Love Island post led to conversations with more Black employees, eventually the company at large, and ultimately our top execs, which led toward seeking solutions.
Work on covering Black people in a positive light.
It's not solely the job of the Black employees to be the voice of all Black people. We're not monolithic. No identity is truly monolithic. In our situation, it could be possible that a lack of representation and education led to this mistake and the missteps that followed. This is why it's crucial to ensure you're mindful of the attention you give to that underrepresented group. If your Black employees are the only ones writing stories and creating videos centered around Black interests, entertainment, and culture, you have a problem. If the only content you're producing that includes Black people is centered around violence, criminality, and negativity, you have a problem. It's no secret that the media has struggled with the portrayal of Black people in a positive light, intentional or not, and there's no reason you should be part of the problem.And it's a poor excuse to blame it on your audience's interests and pop culture trends. If you're a media company, you lead the conversation in most instances, so take the reins and set the tone. If I can learn all the Taylor Swift lore in one day, you can take a few minutes to know the difference between Laurence Fishburne and Samuel L. Jackson.
Each one, teach one. Pointing fingers solves little to nothing.
We've all made mistakes. I think sometimes we're more willing to jump down each other's throats than to actually speak with one another. Instead speak with those responsible for the mistake. Listen to their reasoning (even if you don't agree with the reasoning at all). Gauge their level of sincerity. Educate them on how to do better. Or, if you're in a position where you feel like you're tired of educating, point them in the right direction. It can be exhausting being the person who always needs to educate others. However, I'm sure there is someone in your community who has accepted the role of educator. Simply point the offender in the right direction. What resources can they use? Who can they talk to? What books should they read? Which podcasts should they listen to? It's just too easy to tear each other down these days.
Never think you can do no wrong.
You know how the Hannah Montana song starts. "Everybody makes mistakes / Everybody has those days." It's true. Nobody's perfect, and that's not something to be seen as a curse. Oftentimes, it's individuals who believe they're not capable of being anti-Black, sexist, anti-LBGTQ+, etc., who have a harder time pinpointing when and where they screwed up. Today there's so much fear of being labeled a (insert word +ist) that we find ourselves making the situation worse with denial, gaslighting, or projecting our shame onto others.We firmly believe everyone can learn from their mistakes; you just have to be willing to take accountability. The world's not over if you make a mistake, so own up to your crap and be okay sitting in it for a minute until you can work toward a solution.Accountability can look like more than just a boilerplate apology or mandatory sensitivity training. Acknowledging wrongdoing and knowing there's an opportunity for improvement is where it's at.
Create inclusive and safe spaces.
What are you doing to create inclusive and safe spaces? What do they look like, and are they easily accessible to everyone? It shouldn't take a deep investigation to find someone working toward being inclusive to you as an employee. Dare I say the entire company should be working toward making the whole space inclusive — bigoted government policies and threats be damned.We have the ERGs at BuzzFeed, which cover groups like women, LGBTQ+, Latine, Parents, Black, AAPI, and more. It's encouraged that everyone participate in the activities and offerings that the ERGs produce because they allow you to either collaborate and bond with people who look like you, or get a chance to connect with people with entirely different experiences than your own. However, inclusive and safe spaces aren't always a diversity initiative. I found safe spaces by connecting with people who might've had a similar work trajectory or lived in a similar area. DMs and email threads are your friends when connecting with the right people to help foster communities. Most companies have remained remote or hybrid since 2020, and I think it's more important than ever to double down on creating spaces to ensure underrepresented groups feel heard and valued, especially in a world that's getting more creative at working to silence them.
Work with your allies regularly.
Look around you, you are not alone. There are allies willing to speak up. BuzzFeed held a company-wide meeting after our Love Island post went viral for all the wrong reasons, and some of the loudest and most potent voices in the room were people who were not Black. People who were very aware of the plight, and stuck their necks out to protect and defend another community. Work with these allies as much as possible. You may be in an environment at your company where someone else's voice may be the final key to unlock the solution. Seek out these allies. Meet up with or communicate with them outside of work. Build a multicultural coalition that cannot be denied.
And last but not least, protect women.
I don't think this needs any explanation. Protect women. Period.
Our responsibility is to protect people, especially those who have been historically marginalized. The fight against existential discrimination is going to take more than 11 points on a BuzzFeed listicle. Calling out the issue and taking accountability is a move in the right direction and hopefully, this can be something we can call back to when we need to correct the next mistake, address new employee concerns, and ultimately stay true to our values in the workplace.
Through these steps and our work we are aiming every day to promote Black joy, to protect Black women, and to help steer a much larger and whiter organization in a direction that's inclusive for us and all others.
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IREAD scores improve to record level statewide
IREAD scores improve to record level statewide

Chicago Tribune

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IREAD scores improve to record level statewide

State education leaders are celebrating the biggest increase in third grade IREAD literacy scores in the exam's history, which dates back to 2013. During Wednesday's State Board of Education meeting, officials attributed the success, in part, to funding from the Lilly Endowment and the General Assembly to improve literacy, which has lagged behind in recent years. Based on spring and summer retests, results showed 87.3% of the state's 73,500 third graders demonstrated proficient reading skills. The DOE didn't release data on the number of third graders being held back. They represent the first group who could be impacted by a 2024 state law calling for them to be retained if they don't pass the IREAD. It could be significant in some of Lake County's urban schools, especially in the Gary Community School Corp. where all the elementary schools fell below the state proficiency pass rate and two schools — Beveridge and Williams — each posted pass rates of 48.6%. Officials said the retention data would be released in October. All of Gary's charter schools fell below the state pass rate, too, but performed above the traditional district's scores. Among charter schools, just Discovery Charter School in Porter beat the state pass rate. Exemptions were carved out for a student who's already been retained in third grade; a student with an intellectual disability; a student who passed the math portion of the ILEARN; and a student who received intensive reading help for two or more school years and already retained in second grade. Third graders in all seven of Porter County's traditional school districts eclipsed the state pass rate and in Lake County, 10 of 16 districts surpassed the state pass rate. In Porter County, four schools scored 100% pass rates — Jackson in the Duneland School Corp. and Jefferson, Central and Cooks Corner in the Valparaiso Community Schools. In the private Diocese of Gary, 11 of 17 schools in Lake and Porter counties posted 100% pass rates. They include Aquinas, St. John the Evangelist, St. Mary Catholic Community, St. Stanislaus, St. Mary, St. John the Baptist, Our Lady of Grace, St. Thomas More. St. Patrick, Nativity of Our Savior, and St. Paul. 'Indiana has made extraordinary progress from where we began just a few years ago, when nearly one in five Indiana third graders could not read, to today when literacy rates have increased by nearly five percentage points in just one year,' said Katie Jenner, Indiana secretary of education in a press release. State board member Patrick Mapes, the Hamilton Southeastern superintendent, hailed the progress. 'This is monumental as far as the state is concerned,' he said. 'The next thing is harder; how do we gain again in the next school year? It doesn't end; students can't take a break.' The state's goal is 95% proficiency on the IREAD. This year's results marked the first time literacy rates increased for all student populations, including 7.5% for Black, Hispanic and special education students. Officials credited requiring IREAD testing at the second grade level to help teachers identify if students are on track to read by the end of third grade. They also praised the Indiana Literacy Cadre, a partnership between the state, the University of Indianapolis's Center of Excellence in Leadership of Learning and Marian University's Center for Vibrant Schools. The cadre provides early elementary teachers with instructional coaching and support in alignment with the science of reading, an evidence-based curriculum. The Lilly Endowment provided about $170 million for the cadre in 2022. To learn more, visit IREAD Assessment Results at: 2024 2025 State average 82.5% 87.3% Lake County Hanover Central 90.5% 93.4% River Forest 79.7% 86.2% Merrillville 79.5% 80.3% Lake Central 91.8% 93.1% Tri-Creek 92.2% 94.8% Lake Ridge 62.7% 65.5% Crown Point 92.4% 94.6% East Chicago 56.2% 62.6% Lake Station 80.3% 79% Gary 49.2% 55.3% Griffith 88.6% 91% Hammond 63.1% 69.6% Highland 85.2% 88% Hobart 82% 88.7% Munster 93.8% 97.6% Whiting 86.4% 96.6 Boone Township 89.9% 98.7% Duneland 93.1% 95.2% East Porter 87.8% 97.6% Porter Twp. 94.6% 94.4% Union Twp. 94.3% 96.5% Portage Twp. 78.1% 89.3% Valparaíso 94.4% 97.5% Charter School of Dunes 48.6% 71.3% Thea Bowman 89.1% 75% Gary Lighthouse 47.1% 77.9% 21st Century 60.8% 75.9% East Chicago Urban Ent. 79.1% 75.6% East Chicago Lighthouse 43.4% 69.2% Aspire 76.7% 72.9% Discovery Charter 86.3% 91.9%

What It Means To Protect Black Communities At Work
What It Means To Protect Black Communities At Work

Buzz Feed

timea day ago

  • Buzz Feed

What It Means To Protect Black Communities At Work

With great power — in any workplace, institution, or community — comes great responsibility. Many of us think of our professional responsibility in concrete and easy-to-track terms, such as goals or outcomes. But just as important, and frequently overlooked, is the responsibility to protect and defend people, especially those who have been historically marginalized and are still fighting against existential discrimination, when our institutions cause harm. Being a minority in a large company sometimes feels like being on an island. No matter the workplace, you'll find that challenges are often similar: navigating predominantly white or privileged surroundings, seeing your own identity misrepresented or neglected, and being expected to be well-versed in white culture while others aren't always expected to know anything about your culture. Media and tech companies, like BuzzFeed, carry an especially hefty burden. They influence culture, amplify voices, and help shape trends. When that influence is misused, the harm can reverberate loudly. This mistake deeply hurt members of the Black community, both internally and in our audience. But instead of ignoring the issue or sweeping it under the rug, we want to use it as a case study of what any workplace or community must face when it falls short and show what it looks like to try, sincerely, to do better. When something like this happens, take time to listen to your audience and employees about how it impacted them. At BuzzFeed, we have employee resource groups, or ERGs for short. They're groups made as a safe space anyone can join, and the main purpose is to uplift and create community within the workplace for different underrepresented groups. We (the authors of this article, Karlton and Myke) are the leads for BIO: Black Identities and Opportunities. As leads, we have several different responsibilities, such as putting together events, fostering community, and addressing the small and large issues we feel impact our community. In this leadership role, we spoke privately, publicly, and candidly with the Black employees at BuzzFeed after the Love Island post went viral. Here are some of their words: Take responsibility and make genuine apologies. It's hard to get a corporate apology right —apologies are best when they come from a human person who can show empathy. But when a mistake happens at a structural or group level, it's impossible to put a single face to that sentiment. BuzzFeed hasn't always gotten it right, especially when we leaned too heavily on corporate speak that didn't align with the voice of our brands. The key is to know that the audience and employees can feel the hollowness of a corporate apology when it's not done well. On the flip side, we must also learn to accept genuine apologies. It's okay if you're not in a place to hear the apology at the moment, nobody is telling you to shut off your emotions like a robot. Feel your anger. Embrace your disappointment or disgust. But when you're ready, be willing to accept a honest apology and step into the healing process with the energy of forgiveness. However, this is completely dependent on whether or not the apology was in fact genuine. Double down on internal checks and balances. At BuzzFeed, we already have several checks and balances in place. For example, we have Culture Lead Editors, who work as a guiding light for the communities they represent. They encourage, write, and edit a wide range of culturally diverse posts. We have customized tools built into our content management system, or CMS, that flag questionable, insensitive, or confusing language. We have both copy and package editors: teams who work to make sure the titles, pictures, and text within posts fit our standards and values. These are teams that would be helpful (and in our opinion, necessary) at all mass media companies. It is important for us to double down on these checks and balances throughout our entire corporation. For those who work outside of the media, it's important to strengthen or create checks and balances that work to protect historically marginalized communities. Call out microaggressions and racism as they happen. This is a hard one. When you feel like your job may be on the line, or you may face some type of repercussion for speaking up, the stakes are infinitely higher. So proceed with caution, but do your best to call out microaggressions and racism in real time. Oftentimes, we may wait to address an issue, but by then, it's already hindsight, and you may feel pressured to stay silent because your concern no longer feels relevant to those in power. When you see something, say something (if you can. your own safety always comes first). In many cases, the person who committed the act may not even know what they did. Which is why staying silent is even scarier, because it creates an environment for the mistake to happen again and again. Never back down. Malcolm X said it best: "We want freedom by any means necessary. We want justice by any means necessary. We want equality by any means necessary," and if they don't exist yet, I say, create it is easier to get the ball rolling than to maintain the momentum. Many outside factors can serve as roadblocks, challenges, and discouragement when trying to hold yourself and others accountable, especially when dealing with injustices, inequality, or lack of equity. You might feel compelled to throw in the towel, whether it's government policies, company culture, fear of retaliation, or lack of resources. Don't. Keep it moving. As isolating as it might feel at times, you don't have to go at it alone. Our persistence when it came to the Love Island post led to conversations with more Black employees, eventually the company at large, and ultimately our top execs, which led toward seeking solutions. Work on covering Black people in a positive light. It's not solely the job of the Black employees to be the voice of all Black people. We're not monolithic. No identity is truly monolithic. In our situation, it could be possible that a lack of representation and education led to this mistake and the missteps that followed. This is why it's crucial to ensure you're mindful of the attention you give to that underrepresented group. If your Black employees are the only ones writing stories and creating videos centered around Black interests, entertainment, and culture, you have a problem. If the only content you're producing that includes Black people is centered around violence, criminality, and negativity, you have a problem. It's no secret that the media has struggled with the portrayal of Black people in a positive light, intentional or not, and there's no reason you should be part of the it's a poor excuse to blame it on your audience's interests and pop culture trends. If you're a media company, you lead the conversation in most instances, so take the reins and set the tone. If I can learn all the Taylor Swift lore in one day, you can take a few minutes to know the difference between Laurence Fishburne and Samuel L. Jackson. Each one, teach one. Pointing fingers solves little to nothing. We've all made mistakes. I think sometimes we're more willing to jump down each other's throats than to actually speak with one another. Instead speak with those responsible for the mistake. Listen to their reasoning (even if you don't agree with the reasoning at all). Gauge their level of sincerity. Educate them on how to do better. Or, if you're in a position where you feel like you're tired of educating, point them in the right direction. It can be exhausting being the person who always needs to educate others. However, I'm sure there is someone in your community who has accepted the role of educator. Simply point the offender in the right direction. What resources can they use? Who can they talk to? What books should they read? Which podcasts should they listen to? It's just too easy to tear each other down these days. Never think you can do no wrong. You know how the Hannah Montana song starts. "Everybody makes mistakes / Everybody has those days." It's true. Nobody's perfect, and that's not something to be seen as a curse. Oftentimes, it's individuals who believe they're not capable of being anti-Black, sexist, anti-LBGTQ+, etc., who have a harder time pinpointing when and where they screwed up. Today there's so much fear of being labeled a (insert word +ist) that we find ourselves making the situation worse with denial, gaslighting, or projecting our shame onto firmly believe everyone can learn from their mistakes; you just have to be willing to take accountability. The world's not over if you make a mistake, so own up to your crap and be okay sitting in it for a minute until you can work toward a can look like more than just a boilerplate apology or mandatory sensitivity training. Acknowledging wrongdoing and knowing there's an opportunity for improvement is where it's at. Create inclusive and safe spaces. What are you doing to create inclusive and safe spaces? What do they look like, and are they easily accessible to everyone? It shouldn't take a deep investigation to find someone working toward being inclusive to you as an employee. Dare I say the entire company should be working toward making the whole space inclusive — bigoted government policies and threats be have the ERGs at BuzzFeed, which cover groups like women, LGBTQ+, Latine, Parents, Black, AAPI, and more. It's encouraged that everyone participate in the activities and offerings that the ERGs produce because they allow you to either collaborate and bond with people who look like you, or get a chance to connect with people with entirely different experiences than your own. However, inclusive and safe spaces aren't always a diversity initiative. I found safe spaces by connecting with people who might've had a similar work trajectory or lived in a similar area. DMs and email threads are your friends when connecting with the right people to help foster communities. Most companies have remained remote or hybrid since 2020, and I think it's more important than ever to double down on creating spaces to ensure underrepresented groups feel heard and valued, especially in a world that's getting more creative at working to silence them. Work with your allies regularly. Look around you, you are not alone. There are allies willing to speak up. BuzzFeed held a company-wide meeting after our Love Island post went viral for all the wrong reasons, and some of the loudest and most potent voices in the room were people who were not Black. People who were very aware of the plight, and stuck their necks out to protect and defend another community. Work with these allies as much as possible. You may be in an environment at your company where someone else's voice may be the final key to unlock the solution. Seek out these allies. Meet up with or communicate with them outside of work. Build a multicultural coalition that cannot be denied. And last but not least, protect women. I don't think this needs any explanation. Protect women. Period. Our responsibility is to protect people, especially those who have been historically marginalized. The fight against existential discrimination is going to take more than 11 points on a BuzzFeed listicle. Calling out the issue and taking accountability is a move in the right direction and hopefully, this can be something we can call back to when we need to correct the next mistake, address new employee concerns, and ultimately stay true to our values in the workplace. Through these steps and our work we are aiming every day to promote Black joy, to protect Black women, and to help steer a much larger and whiter organization in a direction that's inclusive for us and all others.

People Are Holding Nothing Back When Describing Their Extremely Difficult In-Laws, And I Really, Really Feel For Them
People Are Holding Nothing Back When Describing Their Extremely Difficult In-Laws, And I Really, Really Feel For Them

Yahoo

timea day ago

  • Yahoo

People Are Holding Nothing Back When Describing Their Extremely Difficult In-Laws, And I Really, Really Feel For Them

Reddit user u/fuzzyloulou recently posed the question: "Married people of Reddit, what's something you just hate about your in-laws?" "Hate" is a pretty strong word, but most people responded with some genuine grievances they have with their in-laws' behavior. BuzzFeed Community members also chimed in with some gripes of their own. Here's what people shared: 1."We have more money than my MIL, and she is so jealous of my husband's success. She'll make fun of our vacations, say she'd never live in a 'snobby' place, wouldn't work as a corporate exec, or drive cars that weren't made in America. We don't put anything on Facebook or anywhere else. I guess his sister tells her? But she always posts about how her son thinks he is so great. You know what? He fucking is. Sorry, he came from broke ass, miserable people and made a success of himself. You'd think she'd be proud of him. It's all envy disguised as disdain. What mother gets mad when her kid does well in life?" —kestrelh 2."My MIL? I love her; she's great. My FIL? He cheated on my MIL with her sister, and still sees said sister every week while somehow still remaining married to my MIL. He bought himself and the sister a new car while my MIL drives a 20-year-old F-150. When he's home, all he does is drink Budweiser from 11:00 a.m. on and watch TV. And, he complains about everyone else in the family. He doesn't come to his grandkids' birthday parties, and instead just hands us cash to go buy something and to say it's from him. On several occasions, he's been at nice dinners and gotten drunk and belligerent to the point of embarrassing everyone with him." —u/Tiberius_Jim 3."The way they travel. They constantly need to overpack, shop for stuff to take home, etc.. It always results in half a dozen overweight suitcases and carry-ons that they then ALWAYS have to reorganize to handle the weight. They ALWAYS expect everyone in the group to pack light to accommodate in case they have to dump their stuff on you. I hate it, and it ticks me off every time." —u/Sorry-birthday1 4."When we go to my in-laws, we never leave the house. We sit in the den, watch TV 12 hours a day, and listen to my FIL crap on anything and everything he sees on the idiot box. We finally told them that the condition for our coming was to turn off Fox News. It's not just because he's 84 and a grumpy old man. He's been doing this for the past 30 years. Everybody and everything is 'stupid,' except for him. It's just this constant stream of negativity. My MIL isn't much better. She will sit there and talk about everybody else under the sun and how foolish those people are. I've started leaving for a couple of hours for a sanity break. I have to demand that my children go visit them once a year." —u/AnybodySeeMyKeys 5."My MIL treats her son like a baby. She also says things like, 'No one can love you like I love you,' and seems to assume I'm just using her son for money and childcare…because she was like that when raising her kids. Other than that, she's a super funny and charismatic person. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, as she's just a protective mom, but I can say I will not be treating my children or in-laws like that." —u/oo0Lucidity0oo 6."My MIL asked my husband's whole family to wear crosses to our wedding so it wouldn't be 'godless and satanic.' Why? Because my mother was officiating. She stalks my 11-year-old stepdaughter, who is no contact with said MIL due to extreme panic attacks whenever she has to see her grandmother. gave me an individually wrapped dish sponge for Christmas last year." —elizabeth_pearl_1105 7."My MIL isn't too nice to the kids. Granted, she has 15 grandkids, but you can tell which ones she likes which she likes less. My kids are in the middle." —u/wclure 8."My in-laws are terrible with money. They filed for bankruptcy and then decided not to make some payments. So my husband and I took over their finances and put them on a budget to make ends meet. Are they grateful? Nope!! When we tell them they don't have money to go out to eat, we get told that we don't care about them. It got so bad that we've told them not to talk to us anymore. We manage the finances, but any communication to us has to go through one of my husband's siblings." —alley2024 9."Their concept of time. They're all always shamelessly late to everything. And, they act like it's a cardinal sin to be early. They think they're 'early' if they stroll in just in the nick of time. For example, I've told them, 'We have to be there at 7:00, and it's a 20-minute drive, so we should leave by 6:35 at the latest. So, you need to be at our house at 6:30 so we can load the car.' 'Why so early? I'll be at your house at 6:45.' Then, they show up at 6:55 and can't understand why I'm angry. And, we get to where we're supposed to be at 7:15, and they can't understand why everyone there is mad. At least my husband has gotten better about it. He still hates to be anywhere early, but he plans and takes steps to be on time, not late." —u/MrsPottyMouth 10."My former MIL was always on the selfish side and 100% had her favorites. She went out of her way to tell me she took a religious oath a long time ago to prevent her children from marrying people of MY religion, but she was okay with it since I'm not practicing. Fast forward many years, sadly, our only child passed away from childhood cancer, and my mother passed less than a year later. The upcoming Mother's Day was the first for me without either my child or my mother, so I was a wreck. I'm a motherless child and a childless mother, but she had to play it up that SHE was more distraught because of the loss of her grandchild than I was over both, so that she could get my husband's attention. She is a miserable woman who can't stand not being the center of attention." —mengram76 11."They have four kids, and the only boy is their favorite. They ignore their daughters, which includes my wife. The heartbreak she feels every time they blow her off to go spend more time with their son is gut-wrenching. They took him to Vegas on her birthday two years in a row." —u/korar67 12."The way they come over to my house unannounced. They just show up, then get mad at me for being in the shower or not at home because I'm running errands. I know I'm a stay-at-home mom, but dang, I still have to go run errands outside the house. I also don't like the way they insist they can have our baby whenever they please, without our permission." —u/LoveOfTheLee 13."My in-laws are racist, and I'm Mexican. They've never made comments directed towards me specifically, but they have made comments about Mexican immigrants. My parents are immigrants, and my in-laws know this. I stopped going to any event with them, and thankfully, they moved out of state. My partner spends holidays with them, and I stay and enjoy the holidays with my family. I haven't seen them in two years." —darlingcath 14."My FIL called my wife and her three sisters 'whores' all while standing in MY house. Reason, you ask? They all got married outside of the Catholic faith. We haven't spoken in six years. Best six years of my life." —u/Patrick2337 15."My MIL is the cheapest woman I have ever met. I have hundreds of stories and examples. Last Christmas, she gave me a can of nuts from Goodwill. She said she didn't feel comfortable getting us a wedding gift. She won a cruise to Alaska and took our son, which was very sweet, but she refused to pay for anything during the trip. They ate sandwiches in the room and spent most days walking around Juneau. He wanted to come home on day two. I have fixed things, helped her move, mowed her lawn, and done a dozen other things. She has never once bought dinner as a thank you or to celebrate a special event. Years ago, we had a bad time and asked if we could live in her house for two months. She insisted on charging us rent. She has missed funerals and weddings because she will not pay for travel or a hotel. I will stop now because I could go on forever." —u/brt309 16."I'm pretty sure my MIL has never heard the word 'no.' Apparently, I introduced it to her because she thinks she can just announce she wants to visit or say she wants this or that, and expects everyone to comply. Here I came along and was like, NOPE! Safe to say we don't have a great relationship and have moved away from her TWICE!" —lulu98 17."The gossiping about us to anyone who will listen. And, the guilt trips. Every single guilt trip tactic to get us to drag our family of four across the country to go see them. Also, they were absolute trash parents to my husband. They both allowed physical, mental, and verbal abuse to run rampant, and now have the audacity to expect a relationship with their adult child." —u/Ninjaher0 18."Where to start? They are racist bigots who, despite only being Christmas Christians who haven't been to church in 40 years, didn't like their son marrying a Jew. We bought their house over 20 years ago, and my MIL has not said anything nice about anything we've changed, as though it should have been kept a shrine to her style. They moved away years ago and have only visited their son maybe three times. They made a trip to the state once without telling him because they were visiting his uncle and didn't visit their son. And when we first bought the house, I, a Jew, did my best to host a festive Christmas for them, only to be told they wouldn't return for Christmas ever again because it 'wasn't what they were expecting.' I could go on for hours with examples." —jbdnco 19."My MIL still blames me for moving her daughter away and can't believe we moved for better economic opportunities 11 years ago. She will call my wife and cry almost every other night about how she doesn't know how much time she has left, and she refuses to visit, even when we offer to pay the travel expenses. She puts on this poor-me sob story every time we visit. My GOD, just STFU!" —u/Zantabar 20."How critical they are of my partner. He is loving, kind, smart, and unique. Nothing he ever does will ever be enough for them. As a result, he has major anxiety and perfectionist issues. He's hard on himself and constantly apologizes for minor things. I wish he knew how awesome he is. For this reason, I've chewed out both his dad and mom, but they were clueless. What issues? If things were different, I'd love to be close to them, but I see how dysfunctional they are and am totally okay with zero contact." —u/Spletzi 21."Mine used my wedding as their own personal photoshoot, often taking their son/my groom away to snap family pictures. They then posted all the pictures of themselves in the group chat, and only one of me, which was just of my back at the altar. They also managed to get a photo of just the groom cutting the cake alone, without me in the photo, though we were obviously standing close together. I don't think they were malicious; they're just very self-centered people with zero social awareness." —u/Charming_Foot_495 22."The number one thing is that they are drama vampires. They can't live without it. Everything is about them; if it isn't, it will be soon. They are cartoonishly childish, and it's as ridiculous as it is sad. I feel terrible for my spouse and her siblings. Every family get-together is a mess. Number two is that they can't make a plan without overcomplicating the ever-loving crap out of it, which my wife has inherited." —u/Studlum 23."I judge my step-MIL because she posts EVERYTHING on Facebook. I swear she can't take a poop without posting." —u/MalpracticeMatt 24."They are good people, but also the pickiest eaters I have ever met. It has to be genetic. Their entire diet consists of Rice-A-Roni, overcooked, baked chicken, and Ragu pasta. They will not venture out and try anything that they deem too 'exotic' or potentially mildly spicy. For example, chicken tacos sound too wild for them. It has to be Taco Bell-style ground beef." —u/Tbonejak 25."I get along great with my MIL and FIL as individual people and have close relationships with both, but good god, they have a horrible relationship. It's really awkward sometimes. I have no idea how or why they are still together. They literally hate each other. Early in our relationship, I attempted to gently inquire about what I had observed after getting to know my wife's parents a bit. Before I even finished asking, she casually said, 'Yeah, they should have divorced a long, long time ago. We (her siblings) all think they need to give it up.'" —u/chillin_trashpanda 26."How fake they are. They just care about their image and how they appear to others. Very little, if anything, is genuine about them." —u/Unhygienictree 27."I absolutely love my in-laws, but compared to my family, they are REALLY loud. Like, instead of taking turns talking, they just talk louder over each other until someone listens. I leave with a headache, including when I sneak to an empty room for peace." —u/kannakantplay 28."The constant criticism. I married their only son, and nothing I do is good enough. My house is never clean enough, my 1-year-old doesn't 'behave,' and my cooking sucks. The passive aggressiveness is so overwhelming." —u/BAM151822 29."My husband's mother and two sisters really went out of their way to make me feel unwanted and disliked early in our marriage. They judged me, gave me the cold shoulder, and criticized everything I did. Joke's on them. My husband and I have been married for 30 years. So, I learned a lesson: Screw the naysayers. Haters gonna hate." —u/heyjudemarie 30."They are terrible with money and have tried to drag my immediate family down with them. I've had to stop acting like an ATM for them, and they're resentful that we won't support their BS anymore." —u/Alternative_Let_1599 31."My MIL refuses to discuss anything that bothers her. She just goes dead silent for a moment, then pivots to a different subject." —u/LaComtesseGonflable 32."My step-MIL could definitely be represented here. She's a piece of work. She's a teacher but literally hates children; all she does is complain about her horrible students, who are kindergarten kids. And often she treats the grandkids like she would rather be anywhere else but with them. She also has some really bizarre hang-ups about my husband's mom. My FIL and MIL divorced almost 30 years ago, and yet, step-MIL felt it necessary to bring up during my recent baby shower that she and FIL had now been married longer than he and MIL. She did this out loud to other people while my saint of a MIL was no more than three feet away. Why would that even matter?! She's an odd bird." —SFoxy 33."My in-laws are very nice people, but they have two things that really bug me. They have never-ending visits, and they do this with their entire family. I don't want to have house guests for two weeks. Second, they don't help at all when they visit. You used a cup, and you just saw me load the dishwasher? Put the cup in the dishwasher, not the sink. My son is autistic and has been known to get out of the house. Just keep an eye on him if I step away for a minute. Don't tell me he left the house and just sit there. When he was a baby, no one ever offered to feed him, change a diaper, or even give me a break to nap and just play with him. It's exhausting." —yesitsmissa 34."My wife's dad is a very 'I'm right, you're wrong' kind of person. If he's not right, he refuses to admit it and will just leave and not speak to you for a long time. Then, he'll show back up and act like nothing happened." —u/SaiyanGodKing 35."I adore my FIL and step-MIL. They are supportive, welcoming, and fun. They are both really Type A and 'super planners,' which can sometimes be a little irritating, but we have a huge family, and their organization makes for seamless and enjoyable family gatherings. I love my MIL, but she is not the most pleasant person to be around. She is very passive-aggressive and is one of those people who always wants to be miserable. When we get together, she spends most of the time complaining about how her sons never want to see her. She also recruits them to do things for her (which they would happily do) by implying that they owe her because 'I gave birth to you!' It's just exhausting." "Everyone would probably make more of an effort to spend time with her if every time wasn't a passive-aggressive guilt trip. She is better one-on-one, so I try to find ways to hang out with her alone because we get along well. I just wish she would let everyone relax and enjoy the time together." —la0912 "There's nothing I really hate about my in-laws, but my MIL occasionally says some things that give me pause when she's in the room. For example, she wished me a happy birthday recently, to which I casually replied, 'Just another trip around the sun.' My comment resulted in a 20-minute lecture about how the sun actually orbits the Earth, based on her visual observation of it rising in the east and setting in the west every day. I often wonder how much of my partner's childhood trauma is a direct result of her mother's 'unusual' beliefs." —u/officehelpermonkey What's the most frustrating thing your in-laws do? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form. Solve the daily Crossword

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