Terminally Ill Woman, 35, Cancels Plans—Best Friend's Reaction Backed
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources.
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A woman has sparked an outpouring of support online after admitting she felt relieved when her terminally ill best friend canceled their remaining plans.
The anonymous Reddit user, posting under the name u/Ambitious-Bed8808, shared her emotional experience in the subreddit "True Off My Chest," where her confession received over 8,000 upvotes and hundreds of comments.
She explained that her best friend, Sarah, 35, had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer and her condition rapidly worsened.
"It's been an incredibly painful and difficult time for everyone. We've been friends since kindergarten, and I love her like a sister," she wrote.
In an effort to make the most of her time, Sarah created an ambitious bucket list, which included a trip to the coast, a party, and a final hike to her favorite mountain. However, after halting treatment, she transitioned into hospice care and most of the planned activities were either canceled or significantly scaled back.
Now, the Redditor admitted that with Sarah under hospice care, she felt a complicated and unexpected wave of relief. She described the intensity of being Sarah's primary caregiver—handling transportation, errands, and emotional support—all while struggling with her own deteriorating mental health and the strain on her job.
"And I'm relieved. I'm utterly, profoundly ashamed to admit it, but I'm exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, financially. Every visit to the hospital drains me. Every phone call is about her declining health. Every conversation is steeped in sorrow and forced positivity. I've been her primary emotional support, her chauffeur, her errand runner, her everything. I've taken so much time off work, my job is suffering. My own mental health is in the toilet," she added.
She went on to say that with Sarah's plans now canceled, "a part of me, a truly horrible part, is feeling a wave of relief. I can finally breathe. I can finally rest. I love her. I am heartbroken she's dying. But I also feel like a despicable, selfish human being for finding peace in the cessation of her suffering, because it means my own burden lightens. I hate myself for it."
Expert Insight
Dr. Terri Daniel, a grief counselor and hospice chaplain at Forest Park Hospice, told Newsweek the Redditor's experience is not uncommon and far from selfish.
She explained that caregiving under these circumstances is often "exhausting, depressing and guilt-inducing," especially when support systems are lacking.
According to Daniel: "What this woman is feeling is absolutely normal, and I wish she had received better caregiver peer support during her journey so could have heard from others with similar experiences."
A stock image showing a woman in a hospital bed.
A stock image showing a woman in a hospital bed.
AnnaStills/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Daniel added that the friend may have benefited from entering hospice care earlier, a transition that often comes too late due to a lack of understanding among physicians. Now that hospice services are involved, the Redditor has access to social workers, chaplains, and grief counselors—professionals who are trained to help caregivers cope with complex emotions like guilt and relief.
"The 'wave of relief' she's feeling now is healthy and normal. The patient is free from her suffering, so the caregiver is also allowed to be free!" she said. "The key to dealing with the guilt is to reframe the way one looks at it. The relief is a gift from the patient, as if to say, 'Thank you for taking care of me and for loving me. Now you can relax and live your life.'"
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community largely rallied behind the original poster, affirming her honesty and emotional transparency.
"Yes, two things can be true at the same time. You're allowed to feel relieved that your caregiving is ending AND heartbroken that your friend is dying," one user wrote.
Another added: "Don't hate yourself. You're an amazing friend. And being an amazing friend can be draining. Your feelings are totally valid. Sending you lots and lots of love."
Others emphasized the emotional toll of prolonged grief: "Showing up like that for someone takes everything. OP deserves so much grace for even feeling this way—it's not selfish, it's human," one comment read.
"This is a normal part of grieving. Cancer is hard because you start to grieve the person before they're gone. It's exhausting to constantly be going through this while knowing it will get worse before you can start healing," said another.
Newsweek reached out to u/Ambitious-Bed8808, for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
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