I give my daughter a £27 allowance a week but my son nothing - I think it's fair
A mother-of-two has sparked a debate online after she revealed she gives her daughter $60 (£27) allowance a week but her son nothing.
Taking to Reddit, the woman, who is from Auckland, New Zealand, explained she recently moved house with her children to live closer to her parents due to their declining health.
The 45-year-old, who has a 17-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son, revealed her daughter has adjusted well to the move but her son is struggling and misses his friends, despite getting to visit them every two weeks.
However due to the move the mother explained she now works from home three days a week and needed to create an office space for herself.
She explained: 'My bedroom is too small, and the only options were the lounge or one of the kids' rooms during school hours.
'I proposed this to them - my son flat-out refused ('no way in hell'), but my daughter offered her room and half-joked about charging me rent for the space. I thought it was fair, as I get a $20/day work-from-home allowance.
'I agreed to give it to her if she was okay with me setting up a small office in her room. I work from 8:30 to 5:00, and she usually starts homework right after I finish, so it's worked out well.
'I didn't immediately agree to the deal with my daughter. I offered it to my son first, who reiterated 'hell no' and 'get the f*** out of my room''.
However, this has now really upset her son as he believes he should get an equal allowance and he started an argument with his sister about it.
The mother explained she gave both children the same opportunity but her son refused to let her use his room.
She said: 'I told him he had the same opportunity and was now out of luck. He got angry and brought up the move, saying he never gets to see his friends.
'For the record, I drive them back to visit every two weeks for visits. I told him I understood his feelings but said I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like s**t.
'He then started an argument with his sister too - going in on her for being an opportunistic b**** and she called him a whiny little a***hole.
'To cool off, I offered one of them the option to stay at their grandparents for the night - not as a punishment but to break the tension.
'My son opted to go and while dropping him off, my mom told me I was favouring my daughter and should be paying them equally. My dad disagreed, saying my son had the chance and was out of luck.'
Asking for some advice on the situation the mother turned to social media who gave conflicting advice.
Many suggested her son should do chores around the house to work for the same amount of money.
One person wrote: 'She's not favouriting her at all. He has the chance at this himself and said 'hell no' he doesn't want to give up his space or privacy. The daughter was willing to do this. And after a joke about rent.
'The OP obviously saw that as a good idea. And from what i gather. She still gave him a chance to say yes. But he repeated 'hell no'.
'It isn't like she's giving her daughter money for nothing. That teenage girl has given up her space and privacy.
'So it's only fair that she be compensated for that. The son is mad because he didn't want to move, wants to see his friends more than once very two weeks. And wants money for nothing. He didn't want to give anything up exchange for money. But he's mad his sister did.
'If he wants money so badly, he needs to do something for it. And not just expect it.'
Another said: 'In addition, the daughter is committing to maintain the room in a state where it's usable for the mom's work.
'Things need to be out of mom's way. Private things need to be out of sight in general, and especially so if mom is going to be on a video call since people will be able to see the room.
'Daughter is agreeing to shape the routine of her life around mom's life in a way that son doesn't have to think about at all. Paying her a bit for that isn't outrageous.
'If son wants to take on a bunch of extra chores or something so he earns some money too, fine.'
Someone else said: 'The son had the choice. I know people don't like the consequences of their actions these days but maybe it's time for her son (and you) to grow up.'
A fourth added: 'Yes, her son is out of pocket and insanely disrespectful. I'm baffled at the comments saying to bend over backwards for him or give him money too for doing nothing. this is why there are so many a***** entitled men in society right now.'
Another added: 'Came to say the same and also your daughter's offering is an act of kindness. And you paying her for her sacrifice was kind as well.
'Your son chose to be selfish and shouldn't be rewarded for it. Maybe your son should take this as a learning opportunity to be kind without expectations.
'He really needs to learn he's not going to just get his way by lashing out and calling his sister derogatory words when she was being a nice person.
'NTA at all. Don't let the moving situation sway you. I'm sure you feel bad for him but you are spending gas money and time driving him to still see his friends. That's kind of you.'
Someone else added: 'Offer your son a 'job,' like weekly a couple of things to do. It could be things like taking out the garbage or yard work or even vacuuming. That way he has an opportunity to receive money too.'
However others believed the mother was being unfair and blamed her for 'uprooting' the children's lives.
One person said: 'You said he was having trouble adjusting - that's the only safe space he currently has.
'Anyone, especially a teenage boy is going to have a knee jerk reaction to a suggestion that his space may be invaded.
'You've uprooted his life - and by the sounds of it he doesn't have the income to be able to go socialise with anyone else outside of school even if he's invited.
'You must've known the limitations in advance and this should have been discussed before moving.'
Another said: 'The fact you say he shut himself in his room speaks volumes. Your kid is incredibly unhappy and you're adding to it.
'You haven't addressed whether or not you provide your son funds to socialise outside of school - or recognise that might be his only 'safe' space or the only place he's comfortable.'
Someone else wrote: 'You're playing it a little fast and loose here. Your son may well have offered his space if there was $60/week on the table.
'It's true that your daughter made the offer without promise of payment, but you did turn around and offer her compensation for the favor. See how that works, son?
'I think you need to be accountable for that, mom.'
Another added: 'YTA. You created a problem where none needed to be created. You should've used the lounge as the kids are not home during that time anyway.
'Giving one child the best part of $240 per month but your other child gets nothing and then you tell that other child that they're "S*** out of luck" is a level of BS that no parent should be reaching to.
'You're going to need to find a way to equal this out. Either Split the $60pw between them by getting your son to do something too or pay your son $60pw also for something.
'There really is enough rivalry between siblings without their parent adding more animosity into the mix.'
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