I Found My Daughter's Pregnancy Test. Should I Have Told My Wife?
From the Ethicist:
You owe it to your adult daughter to respect her privacy. You owe it to your wife to share important information about your daughter's life. Which matters more here? That may depend in part on your particular marital understanding, which may depend, in turn, on your cultural traditions. But to my way of thinking, that unused plastic wand is pretty low on the list of things that clamor for disclosure. This wasn't a cache of heroin or an alarming medical report. (If you ever did come across something truly consequential, you might want to talk to your daughter first and offer to help her share it if needed.)
So I'm with you. You stumbled on something that this 25-year-old presumably intended to keep private, and you recognized that she's entitled to that privacy — even when under your roof, even when sharing the Wi-Fi. That doesn't make you a secretive spouse. It makes you a father who knows, perhaps better than most, how to respect an adult child's boundaries. Kudos for that.
Readers Respond
The previous question was from a reader who was dating a man who wanted to be exclusive. He wrote: 'I'm a 20-year-old male college student who met someone new this spring. I recently let him know I'm not interested in monogamy right now. He seemed to take it all right, but I later discovered that within two weeks, he slept with three people without telling me.
'To ease tensions, I agreed to four months of exclusivity to see where we stand. … Should I suppress my bohemian urges and go along with his desire for exclusivity or attempt another structured conversation about it?' — Name Withheld
Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Forbes
6 minutes ago
- Forbes
3 Signs You're An ‘Overgiver' In Your Relationship, By A Psychologist
When you give too much of yourself to the ones you love, it takes a toll on you, and on the ... More relationship. Here are three signs you might be an overgiver and how to stop. Being an 'overgiver' means your default setting is to give more than what's healthy, sustainable or reciprocated. And it's not just your time or help; you likely offer others emotional energy, presence, concern, forgiveness and endless second chances, often at the cost of your own boundaries. A 2014 study highlights just how central effort is to romantic fulfillment. Researchers drew on data from 795 married couples. They discovered that each partner's perceptions of their own effort and that of their partner correlated directly with their marital quality, and even with their susceptibility to divorce. Surprisingly, one partner's effort wasn't merely self-contained; it directly affected the other's satisfaction levels. This proves something that overgivers often sense but don't always voice: effort works both ways. And when you're the sole person investing in the relationship, it not only drains you but also throws off the balance necessary for a healthy relationship. So, how do you know if you're stuck in this cycle? Here are three subtle yet potent ways you might be giving more than is healthy, and what to do about it. 1. You Feel Resentful In Relationships A 2022 study concluded that individuals tend to sacrifice for their romantic partner even in the absence of anticipated reciprocity. In a laboratory study involving 72 participants, researchers employed a cold pressor task, in which participants immersed their hand in nearly freezing water, and discovered that individuals tolerated much greater pain for their partner than for a friend or under other circumstances. This indicates sacrifice in love does not have to be transactional. Many individuals make sacrifices even if nothing is offered in return. But when these efforts are consistently one-sided, or when they go unnoticed, the emotional expense can cumulatively escalate and later transform love into bitterness. When individuals view themselves as the givers in a relationship, they tend to act out of love, hoping that their effort will be returned. They might think, 'If I love you enough, perhaps you will love me just as much.' This belief pushes them to go out of their way to ensure their partner's happiness. But in the process, they end up sacrificing too much. When that effort goes unreturned or unacknowledged, it creates resentment and makes the relationship emotionally unsustainable. No matter how much they may give, if it never feels mutual, they end up emotionally drained and yet keep showing up. So ask yourself, 'Am I overgiving out of love, or out of a need to be loved back?' If the sincere response leans towards the latter, stop. That type of giving usually stems from a fear of being abandoned, of not being good enough or needing to prove your love. One of the best ways to end that cycle is to slow down and monitor your patterns of giving. Every time you feel compelled to help, soothe or fix something, ask: Observe yourself for a week and see how you feel before and after giving. Pay attention to whether you feel appreciated, drained or forgotten. This sort of self-reflection grounds you in your own values and needs, rather than their reactions. While reciprocity is essential in relationships, it places undue pressure on both partners when either sacrifices too much. 2. You Feel Guilty When You Express Your Needs Overgivers tend to minimize their own needs. They say yes when they need to say no, and put other people's feelings ahead of their own. They may struggle to believe they deserve love, thinking their value is based on how helpful, cooperative or selfless they can be. Many overgivers believe love is something they must earn and not something they can receive simply by being themselves. A 2016 study published in the Journal of Personality found that 'conditional positive regard,' meaning giving love only when people meet certain expectations, is associated with lower relationship satisfaction. The researchers found that when love was conditional and not given freely, it undermined people's basic need for autonomy, leading to worse relationship outcomes. Participants felt that they were not truly accepted for who they are, and to be worthy of love, they believed they had to earn it. For overgivers, this often manifests as feeling guilty for having needs. It might feel like you always have to carry the weight of the relationship on your shoulders. You may feel like expressing your needs — such as asking for space or feeling tired and needing rest — will make you seem selfish or unworthy of love. So, before you suppress such a need, pause and ask, 'Does this actually hurt anyone or go against my values?' If not, acknowledge the guilt but act anyway, expressing what you really need. This is called taking 'opposite action.' Each time you do this, you prove to yourself that your needs are valid and that you can choose yourself, no matter how challenging it feels initially. 3. You Find Yourself Overcompensating A 2025 study published in Behavioral Sciences investigated the typical fears people have concerning romantic relationships, based on information from over 1,000 young adults. The most prevalent fear, both by gender and culture, was the fear of ineptness, or failing to meet a partner's expectations. This was followed by fears of losing one's autonomy and getting hurt or being controlled. These insights reveal a deeper reality behind a lot of relationship conflicts: the fear of not being enough, or becoming lost in the process of trying to be enough. For overgivers, this fear doesn't always manifest as withdrawal. Instead, more frequently, it boils down to overcompensation. Overcompensation happens when you take on more than your fair share, constantly trying harder, picking up slack and doing things for others, even when it's not asked of you. This pattern is often driven by deep fears of being 'not enough,' 'too much,' or a burden. These often trace back to the belief that your worth depends on what you do for others, rather than who you are. When you catch yourself overcompensating, take a long breath and ask yourself: It's necessary to check your motives regularly. The shift into true relationship security starts with self-awareness, an honest examination of your feelings and the decision to trade self-sacrifice for balance. Curious if you're stuck in an overgiving cycle? Take this science-backed test to explore how your relationship patterns may reflect deeper fears or unmet emotional needs: Codependency Scale
CNET
an hour ago
- CNET
I Asked Pro Chefs: What Are the Most Worthless Kitchen Tools?
Our kitchens have become hotbeds of innovation, packed with high-powered air fryers, countertop smokers and other impressive tools designed to make cooking easier. But not every gadget deserves a spot on your counter -- some are better off in the trash with the food scraps. Rather than falling for every shiny new trend, it's wiser to invest in reliable, versatile gear that can actually make life easier. To help separate the helpful from the hype, we asked chefs and kitchen pros to weigh in on the tools they think are overrated -- and the ones worth holding onto. If you're looking to cut clutter and boost efficiency, knowing what not to buy can be just as valuable as knowing what to keep. These career cooks are the ultimate authority on which kitchen gadgets should get the boot -- especially when cupboard, counter and drawer space is limited. Each one listed their least favorite kitchen tools and offered their preferred method or tool for completing the cooking task that they're meant to do. Masaharu Morimoto Celebrity chef, restauranteur Masaharu Morimoto shared his pick for the most overrated kitchen tool. Dave Kotinsky/Stringer/Getty 1. Mandolin Chef Morimoto encourages beefing up your knife skills to make thin and uniform vegetable slices. Milk Street Why: "While it brings good slices, mastering proper knife skills gives you more control, precision and safety in the long run. Mandolins can be bulky, hard to clean and risky if you're not extremely careful. Relying too much on a mandolin, or tools like a two-in-one apple cutter or a tomato corer can hold you back from developing real technique. Taking the time to learn how to handle a sharp chef's knife or Japanese blade will help you in almost every recipe." What to try instead: Mac 8-inch Japanese chef knife. Lead chef-instructor Institute of Culinary Education, Los Angeles Culinary instructor Eric Rowse knows a gimmicky kitchen tool when he sees one. Institute of Culinary Education 2. Onion holders Why: "These look like a weapon for Wolverine wannabes; it's meant to help you hold a whole onion and "chop" it. Instead, cut the onion in half to create a flat surface so it won't roll away. If you're trying to cut rings, save the $14 and stick a fork in the root and hold the fork." What to try instead: Learn to properly slice an onion the old-fashioned way. 3. Onion goggles Save your money -- and some dignity -- and skip the onion goggles. Rubberball/Mike Kemp/Getty Why: "A waste of money, as they don't form a great seal around the eyes to prevent the sulfur compounds from getting to your eyes and making you cry. Keep your knife sharp and open a window or turn on a fan instead." What to try instead: CNET's Peter Butler shares tips for cutting onions without crying. 4. Metal, glass, stone and acrylic cutting boards Glass, stone and metal boards are OK for serving but when slicing and dicing, wood is the way to go. David Watsky/CNET Why: "Cutting on hard surfaces is bad for your knives; instead, go for wood or poly." What to try instead: Our list of the best cutting boards features plenty of knife-safe options. 5. Chicken shredder Why: "I can't think of anyone needing a tool devoted to shredding chicken outside a restaurant and even restaurants don't use it. This item only has one purpose so I'd skip it." What to try instead: Two forks. 6. Herb stripper Why: "I love thyme but hate stripping it. When I was young I got suckered into believing this tool would help me … It's been sitting in my cupboard, laughing at me for almost a decade now." What to try instead: For heartier herbs like rosemary and thyme, just use your fingers to slide down the stem, opposite to how the leaves grow. 7. Bluetooth wireless probe thermometer Instant read meat probes work fast and don't require fussy Bluetooth connection. Chris Wedel/CNET Why: "These are a great tool but can be very expensive. I can see myself losing, breaking, dropping, accidentally throwing away or dropping it in the coals." What to try instead: ThermoPro's Lightning Instant Read Thermometer Cookbook author and lifestyle expert Cookbook author Peter Som didn't hold back when asked about his least favorite kitchen tools. Peter Som 8. Electric can opener A manual can opener is cheaper, works great and is less likely to break. Nelson Aguilar/CNET Why: "Most of us grew up with an electric can opener permanently stationed on the kitchen counter, like it was a vital appliance. But truthfully, they're more nostalgia than necessity. They take up space, can be a hassle to clean and often struggle with irregularly sized cans. A good manual opener is compact, reliable and gets the job done without needing an outlet or a user manual." What to try instead: Oxo's soft-handled can opener. Richard Ingraham Personal chef to Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union and author of Love: My Love Expressed Through Food Richard Ingraham avoids certain kitchen tools when cooking for celebs like Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union. John Parra/Gett 9. Avocado slicer Why: "A knife and spoon do the job just as easily and the specialized tool rarely fits all avocado sizes properly. It's a one-trick pony that clutters drawers." What to try instead: A good paring knife like this $35 Wusthof. 10. Egg separator Separating an egg by hand isn't so that difficult that it requires hardware. Yipengge/Getty Why: "A tool just for separating yolks is unnecessary for most home cooks." The only exception may be this one, and even that is just for yolks. Err, I mean yucks. What to try instead: Cracking an egg and using the shell halves or your fingers works just as well. 11. Garlic peeler tube Why: "Rolling garlic cloves in a silicone tube may work but requires storing a single-purpose gadget." What to try instead: Smashing garlic cloves with a chef knife is quicker and more reliable. 12. Pizza scissors Chef Ingraham says skip the scissors on pizza night. Zoranm/Getty Why: "A pizza cutter or knife works better and faster. These scissors are gimmicky, awkward to clean and take up more space than they're worth." What to try instead: KitchenAid's stainless-steel pizza wheel. 13. Herb scissors Why: "They're hard to clean and don't offer a huge advantage over a sharp chef's knife. Plus, they tend to crush delicate herbs more than slice them." What to try instead: Made In's 8-inch Chef Knife. 14. Electric egg cooker Why: "Boiling eggs in a pot is straightforward and flexible. The electric version just adds clutter unless you boil eggs constantly and hate using a stove." What to try instead: This 1-minute hack for making poached eggs in the microwave. 15. Butter cutter and dispenser A good butter knife works just as well and requires less space and maintenance. Williams Sonoma Why: "It slices sticks of butter into pats… but why? A knife works instantly, and you don't have to load and clean a plastic gadget for it." What to try instead: Williams Sonoma breakfast butter blade. 16. Pasta measurer Why: "It's a plastic disc with holes to tell you how much spaghetti to cook. Just eyeball it or learn the rough weight by experience. It's not worth the drawer space." What to try instead: A kitchen scale for precise measurements. 17. Oil mister Why: "Often clogs, sprays unevenly and requires constant cleaning. A small spoon or brush does the job with less frustration." What to try instead: World Market's olive oil cruet. 18. Electric potato peeler A sharp vegetable peeler is all you need to skin a batch of potatoes. Capelle.r/Getty Why: "Takes up a surprising amount of space and peels slower than a regular peeler. Plus, it's overkill unless you're peeling dozens of potatoes at once." What to try instead: Oxo's Swivel peeler. 19. Bagel guillotine Why: "Sold as a safer way to slice bagels but takes up a ton of space and is awkward to clean. A serrated knife does the job just fine." What to try instead: Opinel's 8-inch bread knife. Jackie Carnesi Executive chef, Kellogg's Diner Jackie Carnesi StarChefs 20. Oven mitts There's a reason pro chefs don't use oven mitts. Webstaurant Why: "Oven mitts are the most useless item in a home kitchen! A sturdy kitchen towel does the same job, and odds are, it's more likely to be washed regularly. I don't know many people who wash their oven mitts frequently enough ... it seems many have deemed it an item that doesn't warrant regular cleaning. It does." What to try instead: Stock a plethora of kitchen towels.
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Plane Passenger Says Parents Abandoned Kids to Sit Alone, Then Snatched Son's iPad Leaving Him Crying Next to Stranger
The unattended children remained calm until the mother returned to take the younger child's iPad, leading to an unsupervised meltdown A plane passenger says they were 'baffled' after a set of parents left their kids in favor of more space for themselves on a recent flight. The Reddit user shared their experience in a post titled 'PSA: Do not leave your kids with strangers so you and your husband can sit together farther back in the plane.'The original poster (OP) explained they were on a flight from Denver to Jacksonville, sitting in an aisle seat closer to the front of the cabin. During boarding, a flight attendant explained to the passengers there were empty rows available in the back of the aircraft. 'This mom drops her kids (probably 8 and 13) in the row with me,' the OP claims. 'Her and her husband sit farther back together.' They add: 'Kind of weird the parents wouldn't each keep a kid or ALL go back further so they could sit together.' It wasn't an issue for most of the flight, the OP recounts. The older child fell asleep while the other played on his tablet until halfway through when their mom came to check on them. '[She] takes the iPad and tells the kid to go to sleep,' the OP claims. 'He starts crying and yelling for his mom for 20 minutes.' 'I was absolutely baffled through the whole situation but didn't necessarily want to bug a [flight attendant] about the situation.' Following their initial post, the OP made an update explaining they have a child of their own around the same age. However, they would 'NEVER' have him sit that far away on a flight. 'This was the parents choosing to not sit with their kids when there was ample room for them to sit together,' the OP writes.'Did I think it was weird, yes. Did it bother me, not really until the younger one had his iPad taken by mom and cried about it,' they explained. 'The older one slept the whole time so it wasn't like the OP was 'taking care of him.'' Some people in the comment section think the OP didn't do enough in this unusual situation. 'Use. The. Call. Button,' one person wrote simply.'Bro, the [complacency] is almost worse [than] the thing itself,' another said. 'This is why people get away with stupid s—. I don't care if a [flight attendant] has to come scold them, this is not acceptable behavior.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Others shared similar experiences of sitting with unaccompanied kids.'I sat next to a kid in coach, about 7 or 8, on a decently long flight,' one began. 'I talked to him a bit and he played with toy trucks and kept himself entertained and eventually took a nap on my shoulder. I assumed he was an unaccompanied minor.' They added: 'A couple hours later who shows up but his folks, visiting from [first] class.' Another felt the trouble must be exaggerated.'Eight-year-old cried for 20 minutes? Hmmm. Lots of people siding with you, but this story smells of exaggeration and need for attention,' they wrote. 'It doesn't really matter how you feel — there was nothing legally wrong with the situation and unless you're purchasing a whole row, you just have to buck up and deal with it.' Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
