Dad Admits He's Envious of Other Parents Who Are ‘Effortlessly Social' at School Drop-Off
We've all done some form of the "parent salute"–whether it's exchanging a smile with another parent as your kids play together on the playground, a look of exasperation while attending a chaotic event, or a nervous laugh as you rush past each other on your way somewhere. These are all low-lift gestures of acknowledgement and solidarity.
But what about actually being social with other parents? That's a totally different skill that can feel like it's gifted to only a select number of us. Though struggling with being sociable may not be a huge deal day-to-day, it can still weigh on some parents' minds.
One dad recently opened the discussion on Reddit, after noticing how "effortlessly social" some parents seemed to be at his kid's preschool drop-off.
The Pre-Socially Awkward Drop-Off
"Am i just socially stunted or what?", asks Reddit user casedawgz when describing a scene that many parents have found themselves in.
He shares in the r/daddit subreddit that while dropping his daughter off at school, he noticed another dad there who came across as really personable with everyone, greeting the kids by name and mingling with other parents. He writes that everyone seemed to know this dad and love him.
After describing his own routine of politely saying "hi" to teachers and giving his daughter a hug and an "I love you" before promptly leaving, OP writes, "I've always been sort of socially awkward I guess."
He goes on to describe how he basically has four friends who he doesn't see that much, and how he's envious of people's ability to "effortlessly" connect with others.
"I assume they're also going to raise more socially connected kids, which makes me question my own parenting because I don't really want my daughter to be like me in terms of her social life," he writes.
There's a PTA (Parent Talkers Advice) Meeting in the Comments
The Reddit thread has collected north of 250 comments at this point. Respondents range from those who are in the deep end of the socially awkward pool along with this dad, those who feel they've made some progress, and others who've accepted that socializing just isn't their thing.
One commenter writes, "me too! everyone seems to be in a rush and i'm having trouble setting up playdates. My kid wants them as do others. Feel like I'm dating or something :\"
"The children. You start saying hi to the children and casually talking about them," writes another commenter. "It's the one thing you all have in common and most people are okay with other parents talking to their children if it is to say hi or encourage them."
Another parent advises taking some of the pressure off by putting most of the effort onto the so-called "effortless": "Be curious and ask questions. Let them do the talking till you're comfortable. Those effortless socializers will do the heavy lifting for you oftentimes and you'll be feeling better in no time."
"Ah, you've met RizzDad," says someone else. "A lot of it is truly just personality. But even people who are not outgoing or social can learn to be that way even if for short periods of time. I think the best thing you can do for your kid is continue to put them in plenty of social situations."
One experienced parent offered this perspective that seems to be getting a lot of support from others:
"I will say that daycare drop-off is a bad time to try to socialize with people you don't really know well yet, since everyone is just preoccupied and has other stuff to do. But after a few months of going to the same daycare, and after a few birthday parties, my wife and I found out pretty quickly what's the overlap between the subset of parents who seem kindred to us, and the subset of kids your kid wants to have a playdate with. That's the sweet spot right there."
Don't Give Yourself an Early Failing Grade
I can definitely relate to the OP dad here. Being sociable is hard, no matter your age. And it's even harder when you mix it with comparison. It's certainly something I've had to work on to appear as natural as others in some settings.
With that said, there are a lot of layers to this that are often trivialized or made to sound like they can be outgrown. The truth is, social pressure is real, and a lot of it has no regard for the nuances of personality types.
I can't speak with expertise about the conflation of having introverted traits and social anxiety, but I do know a lot of us who have it are often made to feel bad about it. Being described as "outgoing" carries a positive connotation, while being described as "shy" does not. And those ideas can be internalized at an early age.
I'd caution us as parents to avoid giving ourselves an "F" in sociability when comparing ourselves to others. It might seem effortless for some, but we don't know what strengths they have and what they're still working on. Let's focus on providing our kids with the interpersonal tools they need while giving space for them to grow into their own personalities.
And if giving the "parent salute" is enough to get you through the day, that's perfectly fine.
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