My Boss Has a Habit That Is Going to Get Someone Killed. It Might Be Me.

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5 days ago

Good Job is Slate's advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It's anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
I work in a job where my boss and I are required to do a significant amount of driving to see clients. The problem is that my boss is the walking definition of road rage. He cuts people off, blares the horn, gives the finger, and shouts obscenities. I'm afraid that sooner or later he's going to piss off the wrong person and one of our sales calls is going to end up on the news. I'm his assistant, so getting out of driving with him wouldn't be easy, and he insists on always being the one to drive because according to him I 'drive like a prat.' Any suggestions?
—Dealing with a Maniac Behind the Wheel
Dear Dealing With a Maniac Behind the Wheel,
He sounds like a peach. (Major eyeroll here.) And also, what is it with bosses who drive like idiots?! When I answered a similar question a few months ago, my advice was to invent a little white lie for your boss—to wit, that you were in a close call over the weekend when someone else was driving, and you now have PTSD about letting someone else drive. From now on, then, you'll be driving your own car to see clients, and he is welcome (or not!) to come with you. I would frame this as something that you're not willing to budge on, and if he continues to give you grief about this, I would raise it with HR as a workplace safety and mental health issue. Good luck.
Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! (It's anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
I have an amazing 17-year-old daughter. I am not biased in this opinion either, all my family and friends agree, and they are not the type to lie! She checks all the boxes of everyone's wishes for their children! She's my only child and to say we've always been incredibly close is an understatement. Problem? Boyfriend (also 17). He's a nice-enough kid from a nice-enough family. But my formerly ambitious girl is changing. Before she met him her main goal was the military (after university) so she can see the world and have long-term financial and medical stability. She would love to become a pilot eventually.
The boyfriend's plan is to go to college then return to the small rural town where he has always lived, a town my family moved to six years ago . (We moved here for an equestrian opportunity for dear daughter—don't laugh.) Opportunities here are few and far between, but his family are generational here, and they just don't leave.
I'm super freaking stressed out. What if he dampens her ambition and she chooses to just stop following her dreams to accommodate his mostly non-goal oriented life? How do I sit with the reality that her future may look nothing like we all thought it would?
—The Struggle Is Real
Dear The Struggle Is Real,
It's really tough to see someone we care about, whether it's a friend or a family member, date (or marry!) someone we think is not worthy of them. After all, our friend/family member is wonderful—surely they could 'do better'? What could they possibly see in this person?
So I see that that's partly what's going on here. Your 'amazing' daughter, who has such a promising future, is dating someone whom you see as not up to the standards your daughter deserves. This is a trap that millions of parents before you have fallen into! You should acknowledge that your daughter clearly gets a lot out of this relationship, and if this boy's only negative is that he lacks some ambition—well, she could really do a lot worse. Also, it doesn't sound like he's dimmed her light at all yet—you're worried about something that may not even come to pass. Also, she's 17! If I were you, I would chill out and let their relationship take its course. Your daughter is planning on going into the military and then college. A lot can happen between now and college graduation, and beyond.
I do just want to gently point out something that I noticed in your letter that I think is related to how you're feeling. Your daughter is an only child; being 'incredibly close is an understatement'; you moved to this town six years ago for her equestrian career; you're worried that 'her future may look nothing like we all thought it would.' (Emphasis mine.) I think that it may be time to acknowledge that whatever happens with this relationship, your daughter is almost at an age where she's going to start making decisions for herself—and those decisions may not be the ones you would have made for her, or even ones that she said she wanted in the past. I think it's wonderful that you're so close, but in the immortal words of the oft-repeated cliché: If you love something, set it free. It's time to take a step back and let your daughter make her own choices, in love and everywhere else.
My 7-year-old daughter struggles to make friends, so I was very excited to hear that she had become friends with a girl, 'Brenda,' at a summer camp. Brenda and my daughter have a lot in common—they both are shy, bookish girls; both very bright and very nerdy; both of them struggle to make friends normally; both of them have brown hair; they have the same favorite fruit (some of these sound very superficial but these things matter to aspiring 2nd graders!). For the past few weeks we've been setting up playdates for the two of them since the camp they attended together ended. We interacted with Brenda's dad, as her mom was abroad for work. A few days ago, Brenda's mom contacted us telling us that the playdates were over. We tried to message Brenda's dad, but saw he'd blocked us.
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