Latest news with #DoreeShafrir
Yahoo
22-07-2025
- Automotive
- Yahoo
My Boss Has a Habit That Is Going to Get Someone Killed. It Might Be Me.
Good Job is Slate's advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It's anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I work in a job where my boss and I are required to do a significant amount of driving to see clients. The problem is that my boss is the walking definition of road rage. He cuts people off, blares the horn, gives the finger, and shouts obscenities. I'm afraid that sooner or later he's going to piss off the wrong person and one of our sales calls is going to end up on the news. I'm his assistant, so getting out of driving with him wouldn't be easy, and he insists on always being the one to drive because according to him I 'drive like a prat.' Any suggestions? —Dealing with a Maniac Behind the Wheel Dear Dealing With a Maniac Behind the Wheel, He sounds like a peach. (Major eyeroll here.) And also, what is it with bosses who drive like idiots?! When I answered a similar question a few months ago, my advice was to invent a little white lie for your boss—to wit, that you were in a close call over the weekend when someone else was driving, and you now have PTSD about letting someone else drive. From now on, then, you'll be driving your own car to see clients, and he is welcome (or not!) to come with you. I would frame this as something that you're not willing to budge on, and if he continues to give you grief about this, I would raise it with HR as a workplace safety and mental health issue. Good luck. Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! (It's anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I have an amazing 17-year-old daughter. I am not biased in this opinion either, all my family and friends agree, and they are not the type to lie! She checks all the boxes of everyone's wishes for their children! She's my only child and to say we've always been incredibly close is an understatement. Problem? Boyfriend (also 17). He's a nice-enough kid from a nice-enough family. But my formerly ambitious girl is changing. Before she met him her main goal was the military (after university) so she can see the world and have long-term financial and medical stability. She would love to become a pilot eventually. The boyfriend's plan is to go to college then return to the small rural town where he has always lived, a town my family moved to six years ago . (We moved here for an equestrian opportunity for dear daughter—don't laugh.) Opportunities here are few and far between, but his family are generational here, and they just don't leave. I'm super freaking stressed out. What if he dampens her ambition and she chooses to just stop following her dreams to accommodate his mostly non-goal oriented life? How do I sit with the reality that her future may look nothing like we all thought it would? —The Struggle Is Real Dear The Struggle Is Real, It's really tough to see someone we care about, whether it's a friend or a family member, date (or marry!) someone we think is not worthy of them. After all, our friend/family member is wonderful—surely they could 'do better'? What could they possibly see in this person? So I see that that's partly what's going on here. Your 'amazing' daughter, who has such a promising future, is dating someone whom you see as not up to the standards your daughter deserves. This is a trap that millions of parents before you have fallen into! You should acknowledge that your daughter clearly gets a lot out of this relationship, and if this boy's only negative is that he lacks some ambition—well, she could really do a lot worse. Also, it doesn't sound like he's dimmed her light at all yet—you're worried about something that may not even come to pass. Also, she's 17! If I were you, I would chill out and let their relationship take its course. Your daughter is planning on going into the military and then college. A lot can happen between now and college graduation, and beyond. I do just want to gently point out something that I noticed in your letter that I think is related to how you're feeling. Your daughter is an only child; being 'incredibly close is an understatement'; you moved to this town six years ago for her equestrian career; you're worried that 'her future may look nothing like we all thought it would.' (Emphasis mine.) I think that it may be time to acknowledge that whatever happens with this relationship, your daughter is almost at an age where she's going to start making decisions for herself—and those decisions may not be the ones you would have made for her, or even ones that she said she wanted in the past. I think it's wonderful that you're so close, but in the immortal words of the oft-repeated cliché: If you love something, set it free. It's time to take a step back and let your daughter make her own choices, in love and everywhere else. My 7-year-old daughter struggles to make friends, so I was very excited to hear that she had become friends with a girl, 'Brenda,' at a summer camp. Brenda and my daughter have a lot in common—they both are shy, bookish girls; both very bright and very nerdy; both of them struggle to make friends normally; both of them have brown hair; they have the same favorite fruit (some of these sound very superficial but these things matter to aspiring 2nd graders!). For the past few weeks we've been setting up playdates for the two of them since the camp they attended together ended. We interacted with Brenda's dad, as her mom was abroad for work. A few days ago, Brenda's mom contacted us telling us that the playdates were over. We tried to message Brenda's dad, but saw he'd blocked us. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I Refuse to Do Free Work for My Family. They're All Having a Meltdown.
Good Job is Slate's advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It's anonymous! Dear Good Job, I am 19 and going to community college while working at a daycare. The pay is terrible but it works with my schedule, and I love kids. But I am tired of my three older siblings trying to pawn off theirs every time I come home to visit. I want to relax and spend time with our parents—not changing diapers because my sister married a Neanderthal, or my brother would rather watch the game than pay attention to his toddler. It is so obviously fake and manipulative when the minute I walk in the door, they're telling me that the kids missed their Auntie and a baby with a poopy diaper is thrown in my hands. I tried to be polite and tell them I just want to have some adult company. I get I hand the kid back or leave the room, I get guilt trips because 'parents need a break too,' and I act like I 'hate' my nieces and nephews. Obviously, as the youngest female of the family, I am the default child tender and am expected to accept my womanly duty. That isn't happening. Everyone is always over at our parents so I have to deal with the same problem again and again. I finally snapped when my brother told his whining kid to play with me because he was busy playing a video game. I held out my hand and told my brother it would be $20. He acted confused, and I told him I get paid to deal with other people's kids, and if he wants the same, he needs to pay up. This caused a huge fight where I was called overdramatic and mean for even thinking of charging money from family. I ended up skipping the Memorial Day weekend to hang out with friends, and have gotten nothing but grief from my parents. They want to see me and miss me, but not enough to stand up for me. What do I do here? —Not a Daycare Dear Not a Daycare, Families know how to push your buttons because they're the ones who put them there. I'm sorry your siblings keep treating you like a kid sister they can boss around. And it's maddening to see family members try to enforce traditional gender roles, especially when children are watching and learning. New parents are exhausted and stressed (why is my child crying? Why?) and not in the best headspace to accept new family dynamics. But you're right to insist on them. It will take a lot of persistence, since your siblings are highly motivated to keep manipulating you, but stick to your clear and fair messages: You're there to enjoy some adult time. You love to see and play with your niblings, but you care for children professionally. If your siblings would like you to babysit by changing diapers, feeding the kids, bathing them, etc., your hourly rate is $50. Your siblings may continue to throw tantrums, but as you know from dealing with children, the best thing to do is stay calm while they scream it out. Not to excuse your siblings, especially the Neanderthal brother-in-law, but they might be feeling the weight of family expectations themselves. They may be feeling judged about their own parenting skills (rightly so, in your brother-in-law's case) and frustrated by their inability to keep up with diapers and toddler tantrums. Some people regress to their brattier younger selves when they spend time with their family of origin. It sounds like your siblings learned how to give guilt trips from your parents. If you haven't yet, explain to your parents that you hope they and your siblings will respect you as an adult who is working hard at her job and education. Ask them to stick up for you. They might be too stuck in your existing family dynamic to see your perspective, but they clearly hold a lot of influence over your siblings and might be willing to use their power for good. (If nothing else, maybe they can use their guilt trip skills to get Neanderthal off the couch.) Whatever comes from this conversation, please don't feel obliged to follow your siblings' pattern of spending every holiday (even Memorial Day!) at the family home. Go out, enjoy some friends or some solitude. Your parents need to learn that you are no longer the youngest kid everybody can push around, and you will visit when you want to. Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! Dear Good Job, A co-worker brings sardines, anchovies, herring, or some other god-awful-smelling fish in his lunch EVERY DAY. Even worse, he tosses the empty cans in the garbage in the break room without having the decency to at least seal them in a Ziploc bag, resulting in one of us needing to rush the garbage to the dumpster outside. We've tried hinting that it might be nice for him to try to broaden his horizons with something other than fish, but he claims it's 'good for the brain' and keeps on bringing it in. It's gotten so bad that we are now eating our lunches in our cars or going out to restaurants. Is it time to speak to human resources? Is this even something HR could do anything about? —The Other People Here Have Functioning Noses Dear Functioning Nose, One of the worst things about in-person jobs is having to share co-workers' air. It's hard to concentrate when you're within breathing distance of their respiratory infections, flatulence, and smelly fish. It sounds like there isn't good air circulation in the break room, and that's the first place to start. Ask human resources (or your manager, or the building engineer) to upgrade your HVAC system and/or add an air purifier that will reduce not just smells but also airborne germs, particulates from wildfire smoke, and other pollution. If the room has a window that is sealed shut, ask to have it modified to open. If your company balks at the cost, tell them any air-purification improvements will pay for themselves by reducing sick days and distractions. Human resources should be able to set some guidelines for break-room etiquette that include instructions for properly disposing of smelly containers. But perhaps Mr. Good Brain will listen to reason. You say you and your colleagues have hinted that he should diversify his diet. Hinting didn't work—it often doesn't—so tell him directly that his lunch is causing discomfort for some of his colleagues. Explain this briskly and factually, without judgment or a wrinkled nose, and say that you'd like to find a solution. Could you schedule lunch breaks so that those of you who are sensitive to the smell eat a bit earlier, while he waits to open his lunchbox until a bit later? And ask him to throw his lunch trash away outside, rather than in the break room. The research on fish oil improving brain function isn't super strong, but if he wants to do something that's really good for his brain, he should strengthen his social relationships with his co-workers. Slate Plus members get more Good Job every week. Sign up now to read Laura Helmuth's additional column this week. Dear Good Job, I recently found out from a co-worker friend that another one of our co-workers, 'Jane,' homeschools her children specifically to keep them away from 'gay people.' As a queer and trans person, I am disgusted. I don't know how to interact with Jane now. I've basically been completely ignoring her. We don't work together often (we are both part-time and don't necessarily come in on the same days), but we are nurses at a hospital, so there is a lot of collaboration with everyone else working when I am there. She is perfectly nice to me at work (she doesn't know I'm queer or trans, though she does know I use 'they/them' pronouns for my toddler) but it makes me feel gross to interact with her. I recently started wearing my pronouns (they/them) on my name badge, but she hasn't noticed yet. I want to aggressively correct her next time she uses the wrong pronouns for me, even though I ignore it when the rest of my co-workers use the wrong pronouns. I don't want a hostile work environment, but I am a conflictual person by nature, so part of me wants to make it a conflict. Help! —Nurse Gay Dear Nurse Gay, Jane, goddam. Preventing kids from learning about queer people (or evolution, the age of the Earth, climate change, racism, other cultures, true history, and all the other fundamentalist homeschooling no-no's) is cruel and neglectful. That's a subject for another column, and her kids aren't your problem at all, but I just want to start by saying that Jane is contributing to generational ignorance. It's tempting to start a conflict with Jane, but of course, there are lots of reasons not to. You don't want to give anyone on staff an excuse to feel sorry for Jane, and you'd run the risk that other people would think you're a troublemaker. Do correct her if she continues to mis-pronoun you, but do so in a tone you would use to correct any error. Could you ask the person who told you about Jane's homeschooling to speak with her? They could share that you're queer and trans, assuming other people at work know and you want them to know. If nothing else, co-workers could reinforce that Jane needs to use correct pronouns. It might be less fraught for Jane to hear from a third party that her assumptions about you are wrong. It's not your job to educate Jane, but your presence could be educational. A lot of people rethink some of their own bigotry, especially bigotry that was handed down to them through brainwash-schooling and a bigoted family of origin, when they get to know people they were taught to despise. —Laura My husband has been working on a startup since last December. It's in an industry that has taken a huge downturn since right after he started. They have not secured any funding. They can't afford to complete the next very important step because they are out of money. He has had two business partners in this, one being his very close friend. This friend is the main partner and just accepted a full-time job and is giving up on the startup…
