‘Am I a bad daughter?' Woman resents parents who demanded S$1k a month despite barely supporting her during her school years

Independent Singapore

5 days ago

SINGAPORE: A woman has sparked discussion online after questioning whether she was a 'bad daughter' for feeling resentful toward her parents, who she claims demanded a large portion of her salary despite providing little financial support during her formative years.
In a post on the r/singaporefi subreddit, the woman recounted her experience growing up in a household where money was tightly controlled.
She said that as a student, she was given just S$2 a day for allowance in secondary school and S$5 a day during her time in polytechnic—amounts that were insufficient to cover even basic expenses such as meals and transport.
To cope, she took on part-time work to supplement her needs. However, her efforts were met with criticism at home. According to her, her parents told her that 'kids should give back to their parents,' a statement she described as 'weird' given that she had started working only to meet her own basic needs.
The issue resurfaced when she began working full-time. Her parents, particularly her mother, once again reminded her of her duty to support them financially. See also Malaysian singer Ika Mustafa cleared of coronavirus
'They brought this up again and my mother demanded S$1,000 out of my paycheck (which I gave, for six months),' she wrote.
'Until I couldn't mentally and financially hang on because what the heck was I supposed to eat?? And I can tell she spent those S$1,000 on herself instead of the family because a week after that, I see random branded bags delivered to the house,' she added.
The financial pressure, coupled with the emotional strain, eventually led her to seek therapy. 'I went for therapy because I was afraid to confront my mother. And it helped, though I had to pay for it, but I wished I had discovered Reddit sooner; maybe I'd save some bucks,' she shared.
Despite the circumstances, the woman revealed that she continues to live with her parents due to financial constraints.
'I still live with them because I'm too broke to buy a house here in SG and waiting to turn 35,' she wrote. 'But from now till 35, I cannot fathom how much of my future and finances have been robbed. And I live every day knowing that they were and still are financially irresponsible. And I guess, nothing will ever change this.' 'Kids should not be an ATM.'
In the thread, plenty of Singaporean users chimed in to say the woman wasn't a 'bad daughter' just for feeling resentful.
They understood where she was coming from and said it was completely fair to feel hurt and torn after going through so much emotional and financial strain.
Some also opened up about their own difficult journeys. One user wrote, 'I just wanted to say I feel you. I get so envious when I hear about others whose parents paid for their uni fees, or even gave them allowance and a stable home. I didn't even get home-cooked meals after secondary school. Been feeding myself and putting myself through school after O levels.'
Another commented, 'I'm in the same situation. I paid for my own tuition fees since poly. Worked part time here and there.' A third simply remarked, 'Kids should not be an ATM.'
Meanwhile, others advised the woman to either set boundaries with her parents or move out for her own peace of mind.
One user said, 'If you are getting your finances robbed, wouldn't it be better for you to rent a room elsewhere? Maybe it will be less than what your parents robbed you. It's better for you to distance yourself and break contact.'
In other news, a Singaporean man who was laid off earlier this year from his role as a tech project manager shared on Reddit that he's been unemployed for over five months and is starting to feel discouraged about his job search.
Posting on the r/singaporefi subreddit, he explained that since losing his job, he has been actively applying for roles, customising his resume for each position, and doing everything people typically advise during a job hunt.
However, despite all his efforts, he has only received three interview calls so far.
Read more: 'They mind my gap': Laid-off tech worker says 5 months of job hunting have led to only 3 interviews
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)