Apurva Asrani on life before and after Bell's Palsy: ‘I had started to hide myself…'

Hindustan Times

17-06-2025

From the high-octane world of Bollywood to the calm shores of Goa, writer-editor Apurva Asrani's story is no longer just about the films he has written, but the life he has rewritten. The year 2018 turned out to be life-changing for the 'Aligarh' writer, who woke up one morning unable to control half his face. He was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy, a partial facial paralysis condition which may affect 40 per 100,000 people annually. That one experience significantly changed the way he chose to live. He no longer 'hides' his face. In his 40s, he is enjoying his slow life in Goa with his partner, and their pets -3 cats and 2 dogs. He has given up gluten and alcohol - but is busy getting 'high on life'. He is more discerning about the projects he says 'yes' to. And most importantly and proudly, he has been prioritizing his health and wellness.
Bell's Palsy hit Apurva when he was doing some of the best work of his career. His filmography already included writer credits for the web series Criminal Justice: Behind Closed Doors, co-writer and editing credits for the film Shahid, editing credits of Satya and episodes of the web series Made in Heaven, among other notable projects.
The night before he woke up with a dysfunctional face, he remembers having a couple of drinks, a satisfying meal and being pleased by how his day had been. When he woke up, he couldn't drink water from a bottle, he couldn't brush his teeth or smile like he normally would. 'Is this a stroke?' he started questioning himself, before heading out to a hospital.
'Doctors concluded that it was not a stroke. They said, 'It looks like Bell's Palsy. We don't have too many cases, but we're figuring out the next line of treatment.' I started Googling… It was a scary time because I didn't know what was going on. Nothing was getting better, despite the steroids, acupuncture and physiotherapy. My mother even did one puja to get rid of this! The more I was stressing, the worse it was getting,' Apurva Asrani recalls.
His friends and family members tried to make light of the situation, and even began calling him Lolita Pawar because one of his eyes wouldn't shut! Doctors in Mumbai tried various treatments for Apurva Asrani, but he says they forgot something very important: trying the electrical impulse therapy within the golden three-month recovery period.
On top of it, he was also having to deal with vertigo, which made it difficult to work with moving images, and became the reason why he had to leave editing Made In Heaven midway. This was one of the multiple heartbreaks - both personal and professional - that he went through during that time.
In a candid Health Shots exclusive interview over a Zoom call, Apurva Asrani was unfiltered on his personal evolution since the time, his altered approach to dealing with stress, and his desire to help others going through similar health battles. The bang of a fallen coconut and one of his cats meowing her way in and out of his room, were pleasant interruptions - the smaller joys that the 47-year-old has begun to appreciate in life.
I was turning 40 when I came to Goa to celebrate my birthday. I just wanted to get away from things. This was a time when my doorbell wasn't ringing much, my phone was on silent and there weren't calls for deadlines and interviews. So, I really began to relax. I realized that if I was not going to deal with the stress, this would not go anywhere. I also learnt that I needed to own this condition. Typically when something happens to your face that makes you look like a freak, you look in the mirror and you can't recognize the person that you're talking to, you hide yourself from people. This happens especially if people have called you good-looking, they've said you have a gorgeous smile, and you've built your identity around those things. When your Instagram is popping with vanity, and this hits you, you want to hide. And that's what I did initially. For the first month, I hid it. I didn't meet people. If I met people, I tried to cover my face.
One day I realized that I was trying to control something that was happening to me naturally. And maybe that's what this Bell's Palsy condition was trying to tell me - that not everything in life is in your control. When you can't control your own face, your twitch, shutting your eye... nothing is in your control.
The scariest thing was thinking that I've been hit with this extremely rare condition that nobody else gets affected by. There was no roadmap or no suggestions on how I should deal with this. I didn't want anyone else to have to go through this. So, I said 'I'm reasonably well-known as much as an editor or writer can be in this country. So, let me talk to people and tell them what's going on'. I decided to use my Instagram to put images of my distorted face out there. I was really scared doing that, but it was my way of owning the condition. And then, I didn't have to hide anymore.
A post shared by Apurva Asrani (@apurva_asrani)
I was shocked by the number of people that reached out to me on Instagram, empathized with me and shared their own stories. One of those people suggested I try electrical impulse therapy. I was in Goa, and I wasn't sure about the medical infrastructure here back then. But in a small hospital in Mapusa, I found a physiotherapist who was ready to give it a try. I took the therapy every alternate day, and in one week, the twitch began. Within a month, my facial alignment came back (not 100 percent). I was so pleased, plus the greenery, the weather, the sincerity of people, the fact that people leave you alone to figure things out, made me decide my move to Goa. It was something that felt right at the time. I thought, I have a thriving career and maybe that will get affected; maybe they're not going to offer me the kind of films and series that they normally do because out of sight is out of mind. But what if I have all of that and I don't have my face, my life? That could have been a stroke!
I realized that things we chase often are so cerebral. They are based on what we've been trained to do for the society to accept us, when we're not even looking at what our soul actually requires. We all have to become very aware of our own conditions, our limitations, our strengths, and design lives around it. It means that you have to say 'no' to certain things. That's where this journey of prioritizing myself over what I thought was my position in the world, began. And these seven years have been about moving closer to prioritizing myself and my health, step-by-step. It has been about changing my lifestyle: starting to get high on things like life, on fresh air, on talking to people, singing, cooking and eating right.
I had stress in my career. I was working with one of my closest collaborators and we were working on a very exciting film, and I had a fallout with the lead actor who started demanding writing credits on it. I really fought very hard for my rights as an editor and writer, because we are very unsung otherwise. What's the point of having around 30 years of experience in the industry, of winning the top awards and having done some seminal works if I can't speak up for myself and for my craft? I took that fight very seriously. And when you're fighting with a very big entity who has a massive PR machinery at their beck and call, you have to work that much harder.
Simultaneously, my father went through a very intense health condition where his kidneys had failed and he had to go through a transplant. My mom, who's a healthy person, decided to donate her kidney at the age of 60 to my dad. Being the older child, I felt like I needed to be there.
I broke my foot at that time. My dog, the love of my life, was diagnosed with a malignant tumor. All of this happened within a three-month window. We creative people, a lot of us writers especially, are very emotional. And I was definitely a lot more emotional back in the day. So I lived with all of this inside of my head, thinking I've got it - taking up and fighting each battle.
I would not sleep. I would be angry. I would get upset and shout. I knew I was going through stress. When my parents came out of the hospital, my foot recovered, I got Bell's Palsy the next week. So, I would relate it to stress.
Now I think that maybe you don't need to take up every battle at the same time. Pick your battles.
Initially, it was the physical condition. If you don't have your physical faculties, you have nothing. You have to deal with that first. But it also made me very aware of how one deals with adversity, how one deals with stress, how seriously one takes oneself. It made me aware of how much one relies on one's appearance, charm and smile to open doors or to start conversations. And when you don't have that, what do you have? I'm still not 100% recovered. I recovered about 75-80%.
Once a friend asked me to smile in a photograph. I told her, 'I can't smile, I look like a freak'. But she said, 'Apu, that's your smile!' I couldn't even look at the picture, but said, 'Look, you are smiling really nicely because your smile always comes from the inside'. It took me some time to understand that, but I really made that my motto and something I started to live by.
You communicate what is inside of you and you don't need a facade, veneer or a mask if your communication is authentic. When something like this (Bell's Palsy) happens, you drop all masks and you work on developing your authentic self far more. That was a very important learning that came through.
The attachment one has to success. I was so attached to that credit of mine that the actor was so keen on discrediting me. That was wrong and I will still fight for something like that. But will it be this big, mortal kind of fight as the most important thing to me? No. Do I need to be that person who is winning National Awards or Filmfare Awards every year? No. I have won some, they hang on my wall, they are lovely. But do I need to be somebody who is going to be killing himself for more of those? No. I want to be able to shut my eye, drink my water, ride my scooter in a place that's clean and green. I am baking. I learnt what foods are good, and what are not. I started to eliminate gluten. Last year, I gave up alcohol. I stopped smoking. I don't miss these things now. I am on this trip to be as authentic, pure and as myself as I can be. That is my goal and ambition.
I go to bed by 10 p.m. For 15 minutes before sleeping, my partner and I have a conversation about something from the day. Then I listen to an intense podcast. I wake up by about 6 a.m. The first two hours of my day are precious and I spend this time with myself. The first thing I put into my body has to be something that alkalizes my system, is hydrating and nourishing. So, I have lemon water with black salt.
I sit with my dog, have some eggs and almonds. I give him some food, and then we go for a lovely 20-minute walk. During the walk, we see beautiful birds. Once I return, there's coffee, breakfast and gym. I workout about four times a week in the gym, and I swim twice a week. I leave one day to do nothing at all.
I try to eat whole foods and natural foods. I only eat out once a week. I taught myself to cook, and now I like my cooking so much that it's very hard for me to go out to a restaurant. Plus, I gave up wheat, maida and rava, which have a lot of gluten that sticks to your gut and affects the gut lining.
When I moved from Mumbai in 2018, I think I looked older than I look seven years later! I felt it. So, I cut out alcohol. I don't like being hungover. I don't like making decisions from a place that's not clear. I also stopped smoking. I noticed that when I would fall ill, that bout of illness would last three to four days because I would be smoking.
I don't drink sodas. I love pizzas, burgers and cake, but they're all gluten. So I found gluten-free options. I started baking with almond flour! I have just become more mindful of ingredients.
People make fun of me. But if you need to get drunk to feel happy for an hour, if you need to pile yourself up with ice cream and pizzas and maida to feel happy—the problem is you're looking for an escape from life in order to feel good. I'm just trying to learn how to feel good without these things.
That's my effort. To figure out how I can feel good without intoxicating my system, how I can walk into a social gathering and talk to people without having two drinks… For me, that is power.