Some singles secretly test dates to dodge ‘gold diggers' — but there are other ways to gauge compatibility

Yahoo

6 days ago

First dates already come with unspoken tests, but one new trend — the so-called 'gold digger test' — is turning dinner into a financial trap, leaving some singles blindsided and offended.
Imagine this: You're on a date set up by a mutual friend. You're financially independent, settled in your career, own your home and you aren't looking for someone to complete your life — just someone to add joy to it.
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The date starts strong. Conversation flows easily, you bond over your shared love of hiking and weirdly niche documentaries, and for a moment, you think: This might go somewhere. Then the $200 bill arrives, and your date slides it across the table to you. There's no offer to split it, no wallet shuffle — just silence.
Confused but not wanting to kill the vibe, you pick up the tab. That's when your date grins and says, 'Congrats, you passed! You're not a gold digger.'
Welcome to the latest viral (and dubious) way some singles are trying to weed out dates they think are only in it for the free meal. But is it a smart check for sincerity or just a manipulative money move?
Maybe your date doesn't even try to justify the test. Or perhaps they say they've been burned before by someone who only saw them as a walking credit card. But dragging that baggage into a new connection with a 'gold digger test' isn't exactly the healthiest way to start something new.
Conversations about money can feel vulnerable, especially if past experiences made you cautious. And yet, it's easy to see where the fear comes from. According to recent data from Experian, nearly 1 in 3 young adults have discovered that their partner made a major financial purchase behind their back.
On an episode of Experian's Cost of Loving podcast, James Jones, Head of Consumer Affairs at Experian, talked about how the rise in mistrust between partners raises a concerning issue.
'Whilst joint finances aren't an essential part of a relationship, it's worrying that many people have such a lack of financial confidence in their partner,' he said. 'The only way to create change here is to encourage financial transparency.'
Of course, there's a time and place for money talk. First dates can be a good moment for light chats about values, but dropping a financial loyalty test at the table isn't it. If anything, it says more about someone's unhealed wounds than your willingness to cover dinner.
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Trying to gauge how someone handles money doesn't have to be off the table. Money conversations are a key part of any healthy relationship.
According to a LendingTree study, 98% of Americans in exclusive relationships say financial compatibility matters, and 67% say it's very important. Still, that doesn't mean you need to dive into budget spreadsheets over your first round of drinks. Financial expert Ramit Sethi told Moneywise he's not a fan of jumping into finance chat too soon.
'Some people in the financial community encourage talking about money on the first date,' he said. 'I find that a little nerdy. Like, who wants to be on a first date talking about your asset allocation? You know, it's like, get a life.'
Instead of starting with the hard numbers, look for the soft signs: how someone spends, saves and thinks about value. If one person prefers fancy dinners out and the other's more into budget-friendly home-cooked meals, talk about how to strike a balance.
And be clear about the basics — like who's paying. Whether you take turns, split the bill or each cover certain expenses, agreeing on expectations early can help avoid awkward moments later.
If things get serious, it's time to get financially naked. Be open about debt, savings goals or any financial responsibilities you're managing. Transparency builds trust. Sneaky tests? Not so much.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.