Former NBA star Paul Pierce is wrong. Marriage isn't only for 'old, poor people.'
Pierce, 47, divorced in 2023 after 13 years of marriage. On the show he said there are virtually no advantages for men in marriage and, worse yet, the man usually suffers the most when the bonds deteriorate.
"What does it do for a man when things go south?," he asked on the podcast. "We end up having to give up half of what we have and pay child support. It's only advantageous to the woman."
Is Pierce right about his self-described "real talk" about marriage?
Perhaps. A significant number of Americans already view the institution as outdated, unnecessary, or even detrimental.
In 2024, fewer U.S. adults were married than at almost any time since the Census Bureau started tracking marital status in 1940. Last year, only 47.1% of households had married couples, marking the second-lowest share since the record low of 46.8% in 2022. The percentage of married couples in households peaked 75 years ago, at 78.8% in 1949. For over a decade, less than half of American households included a married couple.
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Is Pierce merely saying out loud what a lot of men, and women, for different reasons, think about marriage?
I hope not. While Pierce's remarks may seem harmless, they can convey a confusing message that undermines the fundamental principles of marriage and family. In conversations with many folks around Milwaukee, some feel the same, even ones with breakups in the past.
Adisa Simone, 38, a divorced loctician living on Milwaukee's northwest side, said despite the challenges that come with separating from a partner, she believes that marriage serves as a vital pillar for nurturing strong families, close-knit neighborhoods, and resilient communities.
"That's not a poor or old idea in my opinion," Simone said.
She observed that many female celebrities, particularly popular female rappers Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B, also tend to downplay the significance of marriage, in their song lyrics.
Some women boast about stealing another person's partner or having affairs, while simultaneously emphasizing their care for their husbands and how they meet their needs. This contradictory messaging can create confusion for others, and hearing these mixed signals repeatedly may influence people's beliefs about relationships.
Due to the prevailing anti-marriage sentiment, dating has become more challenging, even though there are now more opportunities than ever for people to meet, thanks to dating apps and social media.
Simone is currently in a new relationship, but before she met her boyfriend, she stated that she dated with the intention of marriage.
"I didn't enjoy dating and tried using dating apps, but they weren't for me. I prefer to talk to people in person, and I'm not really into texting. Plus, it's important to prioritize safety these days," she said.
Simone was surprised by Pierce's comments, but she recognized that many people's views on marriage have evolved due to changes in women's roles. Women now earn more money and often take on the roles of head of their households. As a result, some people may wonder, 'What do I need a man or marriage for?'
'I don't believe that, but I know some women say I have a good job, a house, a car, and friends, so why should I get married?' she said.
Pierce, a father of 3 who earned $198 million over his 19 seasons in the NBA, said even if he met the right woman today, he would be opposed to asking the big question again. He doesn't see marriage as something he will do again until he's 70.
'Right now, I'm too cracking right now,' he said. 'I like my peace right now.'
He said when a woman has a bad day, it hijacks his emotions.
"It's always going to be something. You can have a bad day and I can have a good day and that's not going to be peaceful for me," he said. "Peace is me by myself. I come home. I watch TV. I make my own food. I go to bed...I fart. I do whatever, that's peace. I don't have nobody complaining about nothing."
When his co-host Azar Farideh, told Pierce that the love of a woman is powerful and can change his life, Pierce responded "Then, why don't you have a man."
I don't want to criticize Pierce's marriage stance overly, but that was harsh.
I didn't fully understand how much my life would change when I married. Before the wedding, we had been dating for years and felt pretty settled in our relationship. We even referred to each other as spouses instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, and things were going well.
However, one of my oldest and dearest friends, Donnell Shorter, whom I've known since third grade, asked me why I hadn't proposed. Aside from not wanting to confuse our children, I didn't have a solid reason. Both of us had kids from previous relationships.
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Then Donnell said something that resonated with me. He mentioned that it was time for us to live for ourselves and that our daughters would understand. He was right.
I was one of the last of my friends to get married. But I grew up in a family where I saw many strong marriages. My parents were married for 53 years before my father died of pancreatic cancer. I like to say that my mother loved him so much that she couldn't stand being apart from him, so she passed less than six months later.
We buried them next to each other in my father's hometown of Gloster, Miss., just a few miles from where they first met, when my father was in high school.
Both sets of my grandparents were also married for more than 50 years.
While my grandparents were poor, they were rich in love and wealthy in other ways. For my grandparents, marriage was a part of life. You find someone you are compatible with. You have children, raise them, and hope that they turn out better than you.
Most of my friends are married, and despite what Pierce said about marriage being for the old and poor, none of them are struggling financially, and they are not elderly.
Now, I would be foolish to say that marriage is easy; it's not. It requires work, listening, patience, and, what many struggle with, putting someone else before yourself.
When we faced challenges early on in our marriage around year three, we even sought professional counseling, and this counselor showed us that what we had was worth fighting for and saving.
I'm glad we did.
In my wife's words, neither of us has the cholesterol to be out in the streets trying to find someone else.
I agree with that.
Reach James E. Causey at jcausey@jrn.com; follow him on Twitter @jecausey.
This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Ex-Celtics star's views on marriage get it all wrong | Opinion
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