'I'm a 47-year-old virgin - and I'm not ashamed'

Daily Mirror

4 days ago

Andrew Brookman has never been in a relationship and says he has always been 'timid'
A 47-year-old man says he is still a virgin due to his "petrifying" fear of intimacy. Andrew Brookman, who hails from Pontypridd, Wales, admits that he's always been "timid", with school bullying exacerbating his social anxieties.
His parents divorced when he was just 10 years old, further fuelling his fears of social interaction, relationships, and intimacy. Andrew did not want to experience the arguments he had witnessed in his parents' relationship, leading him to develop a "fear of life" and a preference for solitude.
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He also believes that his fears were compounded by suppressing his sexuality and witnessing homophobia during his formative years. Pornography became his "only outlet" and reference point for sex, leading to an addiction where he would watch it for up to two hours every night throughout his 30s.
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However, Andrew is now beginning to embrace his sexuality and no longer feels ashamed of being a 47-year-old virgin. He finds solace in relating to participants on Channel 4's new show Virgin Island, which offers a unique course in intimacy to help individuals overcome their fears.
Andrew, who works as a cleaner, said: "I've never been in a relationship. Watching other people get divorced - and seeing arguments gave me a fear of being social and intimate."
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Andrew, who has been open about his experiences, said he felt a deep-seated sense of shame about being a virgin, which was exacerbated by his struggles with low self-esteem and confidence. He said: "I didn't want to go through all that - I'd rather be on my own. You feel a sense of shame (being a virgin). Having no confidence, no self-esteem and no self-worth and being repressed of sex drove me to seek therapy because I was petrified of getting intimate with anybody. I am not ashamed of being a virgin at 47."
Growing up, Andrew faced difficulties and often felt like an outsider. He said: "I've always been timid and quiet, I've always been afraid, I've always been emotional. I got bullied in school. I was different. I was odd."
As a teenager, Andrew had crushes on girls but lacked the confidence to take things further. "I wanted to move forward but I couldn't because of my confidence," he added.
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At 16, Andrew discovered he was attracted to men, but the fear of being openly gay in a society plagued by homophobia at the time led him to keep his true self hidden. He said: "The fear grew. I went into the closet."
Andrew sought therapy and was prescribed antidepressants in his late 20s, but he continued to struggle. He continued to battle his porn addiction in his 30s.
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Andrew said: "It was my only outlet. It was my only way of feeling sex and seeing sex. I wanted to be doing it as well. I was jealous of them (porn stars). I was enraged that I couldn't even have sex in private."
Andrew, who has always been guarded, is now baring his soul through the pages of his new book 'Colours of a rare bird'. He shares that penning his emotions has been a cathartic journey, helping him overcome shame and even led him to volunteer at his local Pride for the first time.
Opening up about society's ridicule towards virgins, Andrew expressed his frustration, stating: "It's not funny. By now I should be openly gay - I should be in a relationship. I'm not afraid to admit (that I'm a virgin) now."