Martine McCutcheon's mum 'heartbroken' after being cut off from daughter after son's death

Daily Record

5 days ago

Martine McCutcheon's mum Jenny Tomlin has made a public plea for her daughter to get back in touch.
Martine McCutcheon and her mum, Jenny Tomlin, used to be inseparable, but a sudden family tragedy sparked a heartbreaking rift. Now devastated Jenny is longing for reconciliation.
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"There was nothing she didn't include me in," says Jenny. "We did all the wonderful stuff – the premiere of Love Actually, the restaurants – but the memories I cherish are of us just sitting on my bed, bringing up old memories and laughing. I miss that."
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Their bond began crumbling following the devastating loss of EastEnders favourite Martine's brother Laurence John – lovingly called LJ – in 2022, aged just 31. Jenny reveals she endured an emotional collapse and drove Martine away.
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Jenny, 69, desperately wants to make amends with Martine, 49, for shutting her out, she discloses in an exclusive chat with our sister title OK!
She said: "When I lost LJ, I detached. I was so heartbroken I couldn't talk to Martine. There was no big row – Martine tried to contact me for months, but I didn't answer. Martine was grieving and needed me, too. I want the chance to say sorry. I miss her so much – it physically hurts."
Jenny and Martine did reunite once, fleetingly, last October, but it wasn't the emotional meeting she'd envisioned. "Martine texted me out of the blue," says Jenny.
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"She'd moved into a new home and wondered if my husband Alan could do some painting. We jumped at the chance and went over, but we didn't talk in depth. It was awkward and the atmosphere felt heavy."
There was loose discussion about Christmas arrangements, but nothing was set in stone. That, Jenny reveals, was when the silence truly took hold.
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Reflecting on another high-profile family rift that has dominated the headlines, Jenny admits: "I understand the pain Victoria Beckham is going through over her estrangement from Brooklyn. He was her firstborn, too. It's a heartbreaking situation for anybody who is estranged or has lost their child."
Remembering the agony of losing LJ, Jenny's voice breaks. "It's not the natural order to lose a child." But Jenny acknowledges the error she made "shattered" Martine's heart. "Eventually, I did pull myself out of that dark hole, but maybe it was too late," she admits.
Recounting the day LJ passed away, Jenny explains she received a phone call from his fiancée, who told her he'd collapsed and they couldn't revive him. Still wearing her pyjamas, Jenny made the hour and a half journey from her home in Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire to LJ's place by the Essex coast – but it was too late.
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"My precious boy was on the floor, wrapped up. I remember saying, 'It's okay to open your eyes now, son, I'm here'," she recalls, tearfully. "They'd worked hard doing CPR on him, but couldn't bring him back. It was like a nightmare. I couldn't believe my boy was gone."
An autopsy revealed that LJ – a non-smoker and teetotaller – had tragically died from acute ischaemic heart disease and diabetes. In her distress, Jenny called Martine from the scene, but was so upset that her daughter had to speak with the paramedics to understand what had occurred.
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Later that night, Jenny drove to Martine's. "She looked at me and realised I needed looking after," shares Jenny. "She'd prepared the spare room, stroked my hair, gave me a cuddle and, somehow, I slept."
LJ was laid to rest on October 31, 2022. Following this, Jenny describes her life as going "down a deep, dark pit". She adds, "I was seen by a mental health team and given anti-anxiety meds."
Martine, known for her role as Tiffany Mitchell in EastEnders from 1994 to 1998, was only 15 when LJ was born and Jenny remembers how she became a sort of surrogate mum to him. After LJ's death, Jenny was crippled by anxiety, which she believes is the reason she hasn't seen her daughter or grandson, 10-year-old Rafferty, in such a long time.
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"I didn't contact Martine," she admits. "I abandoned her. I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I was neglecting my other child. That was the start of it, and things just... snowballed. And here we are."
Jenny- an author of novels and memoirs, including Behind Closed Doors about the abuse she suffered as a child - says she's tried to reach out to Martine recently – calling, texting, sending cards – but claims she has received no response.
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Just a few weeks ago, following a moment of clarity, Jenny and Alan made the 90-minute journey to Martine's home in Surrey. "I was banging on the door shouting her name," she confesses.
"But nobody answered. So I gave up, got in the car and drove home distraught. I turned to Alan and said, 'I don't think she'll ever speak to me again'. That's why I've done this interview as a plea for Martine to get in touch."
Over the past couple of months, Jenny has started to feel more like herself and has begun penning a memoir about LJ. However, her guilt over Martine lingers.
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"I let Martine down. There's not a day goes by when I don't think of her. Losing Rafferty has felt like another death," she said. Her love for Rafferty has inspired Jenny to write children's books, which she hopes to dedicate to him.
When Martine's 18-year relationship with musician Jack McManus ended last year, she and Jenny were not in contact. It's a topic Jenny is unwilling to discuss. "That's between Martine and Jack," she states.
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She adds: "I don't think I'll ever stop trying when it comes to my girl. If I could speak to Martine, I'd tell her how sorry I am. I've lost one child, I don't want to lose another."
Next year, Jenny will turn 70. The best gift anyone could give her would be to share a cup of tea with her daughter, while her grandson plays in the garden.
"I've seen what silence does to families," she declares. "I don't want that for us. I don't want to be another story of regret. I want us to love each other. To find our way back."
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Grief expert Tina Chummun, Person Centred Trauma Specialist Psychotherapist of Care2Counsel, says of Jenny's situation: "When a mother loses a child, especially in a traumatic or unexpected way, her nervous system can become overwhelmed - we often see intense grief manifest as numbness, withdrawal or cognitive collapse.
"If you are grieving the loss of one child, and in that shattered fragile state, couldn't show up for the other. From the daughter's perspective, her mum may have seemed to disappear just when she needed her most, creating a rupture that now feels insurmountable."
Tina adds: "For a mother, emerging from that fog years later and finding the door closed can feel like experiencing a second bereavement - the living grief of estrangement as though she's lost both children. Rebuilding trust starts with accountability, patience and time..
"Trauma doesn't always look like tears - sometimes, it looks like silence behind closed doors. The bridge back is built slowly, with humility and hope. Vulnerability can be the bridge that grief once burned."
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