Desiree Burch's life on a plate: ‘Comedy runs on crisps'

Yahoo

2 days ago

Photograph by Alex Lake
The microwave did most of the cooking in our family. My parents worked, so us kids took care of ourselves by reheating frozen foods from Costco. Vegetables were something we explored on our own. The only time we dined together was Thanksgiving and Christmas, which sounds sad but we just got on with it.
At the weekend, my mom would cook a fry-up. Bacon and eggs, yes, but also Spam. It was always in the pantry and tasted phenomenal sliced and fried – much better than on the grill. My siblings and I could eat it all day. It's probably why I still like breakfast food so much.
After I moved to England [from the US] I was excited to have high tea at the Savoy. As it turns out, a cucumber sandwich can be pretty great. It was lovely: the grand dining room; flights of tea I'd never heard of; getting buzzed off caffeine; the fancy trays; spending far too much on cake.
Oysters with a glass of champagne is cliche, but I don't care – it feels fantastic
Everybody I've made sweet potato pie for in the UK assumes it's savoury, and is delighted to learn it's a dessert made with nearly an entire bag of sugar. It's perfect for Thanksgiving; you think you can't fit more food into your body, then have three slices.
My Greek-Cypriot boyfriend taught me the holy trinity of his cuisine: halloumi, olive oil and lemon. Lemon has the power to transform the taste of anything – even a fried egg is perked up if you finish it with a squeeze. He does the cooking, I load the dishwasher afterwards.
Once you reach your 40s, you change the way you eat. I'm lactose intolerant now, so I lean towards food with ingredients that don't cause me pain, like spinach and eggs on toast rather than cereal in the morning. That said, visits to late-night chicken shops do still happen.
There was a time when I didn't like seafood. Salmon, which is the bacon of the sea, was my gateway drug fish. Now, I even love shellfish. Oysters with mignonette and a glass of champagne is cliche, but I don't care – it feels fantastic.
Comedy runs on crisps. There's always salt and pepper or salt and vinegar on my tour rider – preferably Tyrells or Kettle Chips, because I enjoy life. Prawn cocktail isn't my vibe and I stay away from cheese and onion; I can't be smelling like that when I talk to people on stage.
When I perform at Edinburgh Fringe, I can't fuck with food that might mess up my voice. I know where I am with a tuna baguette from Pret. After a show I'll head to Desi Pakwan; the lamb biryani is excellent and affordable. You must also make a pilgrimage to the Deep Sea chip shop and Storries Home Bakery, because they're open late.
If you drive past people queuing at a Mexican food truck in California, you turn around and come back. The meat will have been marinated for at least a day by someone's abuela [grandmother] and the food will be better – and much cheaper – than any restaurant.
You can get fresh produce in the US, of course, but so much of what you buy in supermarkets is processed. Bread doesn't taste like bread. I hope the UK doesn't go further in the direction of adding unnecessary, unnameable ingredients to food.
My favourite things
Food
It's a toss up between a burrito al pastor and a classic New York bagel with salmon, cream cheese and capers from Zucker's. Those are the two I could eat at the end of my life, then be ready to go.
Drink
Daytime champagne in a bar that has just enough people to have an atmosphere, but not so many that you need to yell to make yourself heard.
Dish to make
Good guacamole is everything. I make it fresh, which is hard to get in the UK, and it has to start with the best avocados. If you get them right, everything else falls into place.
Desiree Burch's new show, The Golden Wrath, will be at the Monkey Barrel at the Edinburgh Fringe from 28 July to 10 August. She tours the UK from October 2025. Tickets at desireeburch.com
Hair And makeup by Neusa Neves at Arlington Artists using Makeup By Mario, Lashify Lashes and Color Wow Hair.