The moment I knew: I was snot-crying through a Disney film when he placed his head on my shoulder

The Guardian

01-03-2025

In 2020, I was living in Sydney, working in real estate, attempting to finish my law degree on the side and struggling to juggle full-time work, full-time study and, admittedly, full-time partying. For a while I had been contemplating moving home to Brisbane to escape the chaos of Sydney but, at that time, chaos and I were old friends, and it was a friendship I thought would prevail my whole life.
I met Herschel on 20 December 2020 at about 10pm. I remember it well as it was also the day that a once firmly held belief of mine was shattered into oblivion.
As much as I cherish my straight allies, there's a familiar trope that involves them earnestly attempting to set us up with someone merely because they share our sexual orientation. No malice intended, but as most queer people know, it rarely results in a 'match made in gay heaven'.
It's for this reason that I responded to my straight, rugby-loving, beer-chugging brother Nick with trepidation when he insisted in July 2020 that I meet his 'gay friend' Herschel from Brisbane because I would really 'love him'. I brushed off his eager suggestions and carried on with my life, content in the knowledge my brother couldn't possibly be on to something.
Fast forward six months. I flew home to Brisbane for Christmas and headed straight from the airport to meet my family for dinner. After being bombarded with hugs and kisses, I noticed my brother wasn't there. 'Nick's at a party at Herschel's house,' my family explained. Soon, Nick began bombarding me with text messages, urging me to join the party. When I responded I was exhausted and ready for bed, Nick offered to pay for my Uber, which I politely declined: 'I cannot be bought!' However, persistence, they say, is key, and, as it turns out, the key to Nick's persistence came in the form of a video message from him and Herschel.
I still remember the visceral reaction I had to the friendly face beaming at me through the screen (no it wasn't Nick's!). With brown curls rivalling a Disney prince, piercing blue eyes and a smile that was charming and enigmatic, I was mesmerised. There was something about Herschel's smile that pulled me out of exhaustion and alerted me to the possibility I was wrong about these straight allies and their match-making endeavours.
I ordered a car to his house.
Herschel and I hit it off immediately and chatted all night, only interrupted by the occasional 'I told you so' whispered in my ear by Nick.
For the remainder of my holiday, Herschel and I hung out as often as we could under the guise that this was no more than a 'summer fling'. I was due to return to Sydney in a matter of weeks.
When I returned to chaos (Sydney), I tried to put the 'summer fling' behind me. But 12 weeks later, I quit my job, packed my belongings and moved back to Brisbane to focus on finishing my studies.
Herschel brought an unfamiliar tranquillity and stillness to my Brisbane life. He was at the tail end of his university degree studying wildlife science and we spent our time together studying, cooking, taking trips to South Stradbroke Island and getting to know each other's family and friends. As the months (and eventually years) in Brisbane went on, we kept joking it was the 'summer fling' that would never end.
One afternoon we were sitting at home watching the Disney movie Luca. The film, a coming-of-age story about friendship, self-acceptance and finding your place in a world where you don't quite know how to fit in, reduced me to a blubbering mess on the couch. As I sat there, reflecting on my own experiences as a queer person while trying to hide the fact I was snot-crying on a Tuesday afternoon, Herschel put his head on my shoulder. A feeling of immense relief washed over me as he calmly yet compassionately listened to my heartache. I felt safe, free from judgment and drawn to this mature, centred and wise man. I knew in that moment I would do anything to ensure we outlasted infinite summers.
A year ago we moved to Sydney to enjoy post-grad life together. Experiencing Sydney again with Herschel by my side makes it feel like an entirely new city. One that I view through a much less chaotic lens.
As for Nick, the next time he makes a suggestion, I won't be so quick to dismiss him.
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