EXCLUSIVE I was a thriving student with a place at a top university until I tried my first line of cocaine... within two years I was taking it daily, I'd dropped out and wanted to kill myself

Daily Mail​

7 hours ago

When she was 16, Camilla Collins had a bright future.
The student had won a place at the prestigious fashion school Central Saint Martins with a career in the arts in mind. Everything was looking great.
But one night at a party, she tried a line of cocaine. Within two years she'd dropped out of university and was contemplating suicide.
Things had got so bad, Camilla said she couldn't go a day without the drug, she'd lost all her friends and family and barely recognised herself.
Now 37 and sober, Camilla has warned against the rise in the casual use of the Class A drug - as campaigners have revealed deaths from cocaine have soared to a record high in the UK, amid complaints 'doing a line is a common as having a pint'.
Speaking exclusively to Femail, Camilla explained how she became addicted to the drug in her early twenties, and how she turned her life around.
'The kids at school used to smoke a bit of weed,' she said.
'That never agreed with me because it was a downer.
'I was always the type of person who wanted the upper.
'I never really had besties at school and I tended to go out with people that were older than me.
'So I had my fake ID and I used to go to clubs with them and just be around them and that was when I was introduced to it.
'That was when it came on to my radar.
'I was probably around 16 or 17 when I had my first line of coke.
'I remember thinking something along the lines of this was the best thing since sliced bread because you just love being out and chatting to people and it helps you party longer.
'And then a couple of years down the line it got to the point where I couldn't go out without it,' she confessed.
'It starts off as a weekend thing but then it bleeds in to the week and obviously over time became a problem.
'And I was spending more time in pubs and I became a bit of a nightmare.
'I'd even alienate the people that sort of did it - they'd want to go home and I'd want to carry on for days.
'And then I'd hang around pubs and make new friends and of course when you're on that type of drug it wouldn't be a pretty sight.
'I'd be at different parties and picking people up on the way.'
And although she knew she wasn't truly enjoying herself, she said she found she couldn't stop.
'It was a lifestyle... and you enable yourself in any way, when you've got any sort of addiction.'
After leaving school, Camilla got into Central St Martins School of Art and Design, hopeful of fashion career ahead.
But within a year, aged 19, she dropped out and 'barely recognised herself'.
'It gives me chills thinking back to the people I was with.
'When you're in it, you're so far from the life you had before, you just don't even know how to get back.
'You're just a shell of yourself and just trying to get through the day.'
The turning point for Camilla came one Christmas at a drinks reception and dinner with her mother.
She explained she was on the rooftop bar at the Hilton Hotel on Park Lane, looking out across Hyde Park but found she was unable to enjoy it.
'I'd stayed up all night and overslept and missed my hair appointment with a family friend.
'And everyone had their glad rags on and I was there with a drink.
'I didn't have any coke or anything but I remember looking through the windows and thinking "what if? What if I just fell?".
'And it was so lovely to be up there and it should be beautiful but I just felt like I was in such a dark place.
'I would never ever be able to feel joy again or anything and I just thought "If only I could get through the door, what a relief it would be to just jump off".
'After that I thought, "well I'm so f***ed.
'I'm in a hole so deep I literally cannot see a way out.
'Before I'd have a drink and a line on the weekend and it would be alright but now the drugs weren't even working.
'I was at rock bottom essentially.'
That same night, Camilla told her mother everything and asked her for some help.
The next morning, the mother and daughter went for an initial consultation at The Priory in North London, where Camilla then stayed for a month.
After leaving, she got a sponsor, attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings and go her life back on track.
But, she admits it wasn't always easy.
She has relapsed several times but said it's been years since she last used cocaine.
Instead she's thrown herself in to her businesses, having trained as a special effects make-up artist with two thriving make-up and wedding companies under her belt.
Camilla has also now turned to coaching and is helping other entrepreneurs maximise their potential.
Camilla's story is not unusual.
Victoria Seed, an addiction and family recovery specialist told MailOnline cocaine widely entered the market 30 years ago, its purity might have been in single figures but more recently there have been some samples which have a reported purity of 90 per cent.
It's part of the reason as to why in 2024, cocaine-related deaths in the UK hit a record high.
A record-breaking 5,448 drug poisoning deaths were recorded in 2023 – a rate of 93 deaths per million people.
This is the eleventh consecutive annual rise, up on the 4,907 recorded in 2022, and the most since records began in 1993.
Victoria explained that many don't reach out until they or their partners notice they are unable to function properly because of their addiction.
She said: 'Most people 'function' in daily life but what they don't understand is that as soon as a drug (including alcohol) starts affecting their life negatively, it's time to make a change.
'Sometimes people find that they can't trust their partners who might be putting the children to bed but still racking up a line or taking drugs and driving, putting children at risk.'
She said that there are still barriers to cocaine dependence, explaining that sometimes those who use the drug will try to function 'normally' to prove they don't need it.
'Sometimes people will be up all night and sleep all day and you often find that they might be up all night and then try and stay up all day to prove to their partners that they're fine and functioning,' Victoria explained.
She added that it's difficult to treat because it's not as simple as handing someone a dose of methadone and that instead there have to be behavioural and lifestyle changes.
'With cocaine, it's seen as a 'psychological' dependence, so we look to provide behavioural treatments like CBT and therapeutic intervention.'
The latest data from ONS (Office for National Statistics) that in total, there were 5,448 deaths related to drug poisoning in 2023 - a staggering 11 per cent rise on the previous year, and the highest level since records began in 1993
Victoria added that many will have a wake-up call where they realise the costs of their cocaine usage outweighs the benefits.
Camilla echoed Victoria's thoughts, explaining that for many it is difficult to reach out for help.
She said: 'Addicts will carry a significantly heavy weight of shame which makes it even harder to ask for help but it's so important that you do because cocaine addiction is rarely something you will be able to tackle on your own.
'While rehab may not be possible for everyone, a complete change in environment - people, places, things that trigger old thought patterns and behaviour - will be necessary to stop usage, overcome the reliance on cocaine, and allow oneself to rebuild their self image, confidence, and learn to live happily without the need for mind altering substances.'
Cocaine usage is often not just a party drug but a way for people to deal with trauma or pre-existing mental health problems but instead of aiding them it often exacerbates existing issues with cocaine increasing the risk of depression and suicide risk, anxiety, panic, paranoia, psychosis.
And it isn't just cocaine usage that is the problem
Increasingly people are dying after mixing the drug with alcohol which creates an entirely new drug - cocaethylene.
Cocaethylene is a toxic metabolite produced in the liver when cocaine and alcohol are mixed together.
Instead of breaking down cocaine, the presence of alcohol changes the process and the resulting cocaethylene has unique and dangerous effects including increased toxicity and stays present in the body for longer.
The effect on the body includes an increase in the risk of heart attacks, strokes and sudden death.
People also become more aggressive, more impulsive and more likely to overdose with some links to suicide.
But the combination of alcohol and cocaine is something that is so socially acceptable, Camilla confessed she didn't know of anyone in her social circle who only used cocaine.
She said: 'I didn't know anyone who only did cocaine. We tried to go out without it before but then after a few drinks you think "let's get the gear in"'.
Camilla has been lucky and has worked hard to battle through her addiction although admits it hasn't been easy.
She said she had nothing after coming out of The Priory and knew she had to start her life again but she said, she managed it.
'That's what I did and I would say when I started I was a bit like Bambi, falling down but I was able to build that strength and it stopped me going back to the old life.'
She also explained that it's difficult to stop people turning to drugs but admitted the prevention is better than the cure.
'The first line of cocaine is already a step too far,' she said.
But for those who have already tired the drug and are feeling a dependence on it, Camilla urged them to ask for help 'before it's too late'.
'It will kill you.
'If not directly through the substance itself, indirectly through the chemical imbalance in your brain which will make you do dangerous things and/or severely depressed which leads to suicide.'
The business owner added cocaine is easy for people to take and is seen as a natural follow on from alcohol but not as extreme as drugs such as heroin.
And Camilla placed the increased usage on an a lack of happiness among users who are chasing a dopamine hit but who should instead be discussing their mental health.
A recent study has revealed that drug-poisoning deaths in England and Wales have skyrocketed over the last 30 years and have now reached a record high.
Over the last three decades, deaths related to drug usage have risen exponentially, fuelled by a huge rise in the number of fatalities involving cocaine with the tragic death toll rising for the 12th year in a row.
Deaths related to cocaine usage have risen by 30 per cent since the early 1990s and fatalities were almost ten times higher in 2023 than they were just a decade earlier in 2003.
In that time, thousands of people have tragically lost their lives and experts have explained the reason behind it includes an increase in purity and a greater social acceptance of its use.