'My mum is trying to co-parent my baby but now I'm banning her from visiting'
A new mum is at her wits' end with her own mother's 'overbearing' attitude toward her newborn baby - and she's done one thing that the new parents believe is a step too far
Having help when you're a new parent can be a blessing, but if your family won't give you any space to rest and be with your baby, it can just as easily be a curse. Raising a baby is no easy task, but one new mum has found out the hard way that she'd rather not have the help of her own mother.
The mum explained in a post on Reddit that she gave birth seven months ago, and life has been manic for her and her fiancé ever since. They recently moved into a new house and were excited for their "fresh start" - until her mum dropped a bombshell on them.
She said her mother told them she'd be "coming to visit for a few weeks to help out" with the baby, but left one important detail out. While the couple assumed she'd be getting a short-term let property like an Airbnb, it turned out she'd actually signed a 12-month lease to rent the property next to theirs.
The mum wrote: "She didn't tell me. Didn't ask. Just moved a few doors down. To my house. With her initials on the mailbox and a whole storage truck of furniture.
"I was stunned. She kept saying, 'It's just until you're back on your feet'. But I AM on my feet. Tired, yes, but parenting. Healing. Functioning. It felt like she decided I couldn't do this without her, even though I never asked for her help."
However, the mum went on to say that her mother moving next door wasn't even the worst part. She soon began finding her mother's presence "overwhelming and aggravating", as she started "showing up unannounced".
The grandma has "inserted herself into everything" in her grandchild's life, including coming over at 6am to "check if the baby woke up", and at 10pm because she "wants cuddles".
Things have even progressed so far that the woman keeps calling the baby "our girl", and the couple now want to set a firm boundary to tell the grandmother to back off.
The mum added: "My fiancé wants to set a firm boundary or ask her to leave, but I feel guilty. She is my mum. She's never been this intense before. And a part of me wonders if she's just lonely or projecting something she hasn't dealt with.
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"But I also can't live like this. I feel like I'm not allowed to be my baby's mum without her shadow over me. I'm a first-time mum, I want to experience motherhood in its entirety."
After commenters urged the woman to create firm boundaries with her mum and speak to her about the situation, she later returned to edit the post with an update.
She said she would now lock her doors "at all times" so that her mum could not just "drop in" and visit. She also spoke to her mother and told her how she was feeling, and although she was "defensive" and cried, she was willing to listen to her daughter - even if things were "tense" now.
The mum wrote: "She said she was hurt but will 'try' to respect our wishes. Honestly, I don't know if she fully gets it. The vibe when she left was tense. She didn't slam the door, but she didn't hug me goodbye either. It kind of felt like a polite ending to an awkward dinner party.
"So yeah, not the worst-case scenario, but not the breakthrough I was hoping for. We're giving her time to process, and we're standing by the boundaries we set. I'm nervous about what the next few weeks look like, but I also feel a small sense of relief for finally speaking up."
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